Can't sleep. Life's like a box of Chocolates

It’s been one of those nights.

I have a feeling that my time here has come to an end. I’m only saying this because I have an overwelming desire to go back home and continue where I left off. I’m mostly tired of trying to adhere to certain aspect of this culture and playing by the rules of the game here. I’ve had many a sleepless night over this matter and although I could up and leave tomorrow or even 10 years from now…I wonder how some of you handle ‘missin out’?

How does it work? I mean; there’s a ton of talk about plans of returning to your home country or how to return as painlessly as possible but seriously: do any of you wonder what it would have been like if you didn’t leave in the first place?

I admit…I’m racked with guilt and my posts reflect that.

It’s not that I have a hard time here (anymore)…I’ve learned to play it for what it is - I’m just wondering how ya’ll feel about wanting to do something more. Something you think you were built for. And if you think like I do; how do you cope with this feeling?

Truth be told…I can’t up and leave. I’ve fucked up royally here in Taiwan and only recently within the last year have I made the means to rectify my situation. I’m just battling with these feelings - abandon ship!

My closest friends are gettin married and have houses…they have a complete life by western standards and I feel as if I’m just coastin. A while back I posted and said that I believe this life for most of us is a procrastination to what lays back home. I think I spoke firmly on this subject because it applies to me.

On the other hand…and although I’ve made amends with my past…I feel as if my skills, my degree and my new mindset don’t co-exist with reality’s expectations according to Canadian standards. Taiwan has shown me a whole new spectrum of shit. Admittedly…I’m skewed.

Anyway…I’m a tad confused…I’ve been here for almost 5 years…nary a coin saved (but pimpin none the less) and wonderin if I have the juice to continue what I did back home.

How do you feel about returning? No sugar coating…no bullshit…how will you adjust form this lifestyle? It’s night and day…apples and oranges. I just don’t know how I’ll make the transition. You come to a certain point over here where everything you came here with (principals, lifestyle, and perhaps cash) has to be forgotten…you learn here…and then you have to eventually return home and educated yourself again. It’s scary.

I should go back to bed…but there ya have it. Let’s see what daylight brings me…

P’z

Many long termers goof off for the first five years monster. No biggie there. Many don’t save a dime either. Usually because they don’t have a plan.

I like Taiwan. I like what I’ve been able to accomplish in Taiwan. I have one hell of an eclectic group of great friends. I have hobbies that aren’t destructive.

Whenever I get the itch to GTF out of here, I remember those things, and I think that getting them back in another place will probably be pretty damn hard.

But, I’m doing what I like and it worls for me. If being here doesn’t work for you, beat it on down the line. Why is there shame in returning home pennyless? Makes for a great story when you get on your feets. :slight_smile:

money can’t buy you love…can buy you a whole lotta lovin’…but it’s not quite the same thing…

I’m sorry, but I couldn’t resist. Is this what you mean? It’s spelled “whirl”.

I am very much in control of my finances back home. Pay off student loans, investing money, ect. Without those I don’t think I could be here. Right now if I said “I’m leaving tomorrow” I could (very messily because of leaving things here untied) go home tomorrow. I have the money. I have the means. I even have a place (not my parent’s home) to go.
I think that without this I would go nuts.
ALSO. I am enrolled in online courses from my University (not Phoenix) so I don’t feel as much like I am wasting my time.
If I tried to fuck off and treat it like a vacation, I would go nuts.

Excellent point.

I absolutely agree. When I came here it was with very specific goals: get some life and work experience, earn a little cash, but most importantly develop and implement a plan for returning home that would set me up for a few years. I thought I could do it, maybe even for two years, but living here didn’t work out for me like I planned.

Did I whine about it? A little. But more importantly, I took not loving it here so much as the perfect impetus to plan and get it together for returning. It was great motivation to deal with applications, transcripts, tests, etc for law school thinking of them as my ticket out of Taiwan.

If you don’t like it here and want to get out, figure out what else to do, get it together, and vamoose. Why not?

I don’t feel like I miss out on things when I’m here. When I’m away from Taiwan, I feel like I’m missing out on life here.

Wherever you are, you’re missing out on life in a thousand other places. Sad but true.

At least you can go back whenever you feel like it, me? I am stuck here for eternity because of BS politics with immigration and I dont even know if I can go back.

And I dont like Taiwan anymore than you do.

[color=indigo]I am a long-term resident and I have a different view of work and life here. It IS a vacation. I was so nervous when I first left my country so many years ago. Although I had been to a few other places and my family was pretty mobile, I had never been to Asia. My fears were confirmed when the airplane I was on had an engine fire and I thought I was going to die surrounded by people I couldn’t communicate with! Anyway, I made it here, planned to stay for a few months to study, then go back and continue life in the box. But I decided to stay abroad. I decided that life is a constant adventure, new things, new people, new places. I had to struggle a bit. I was paying off student loans and saving money for travel. I survived on a food budget of NT100/day. I had a little scooter, a little room, and wandered around doing free things on my few days off. Now life is different. I’m established, I love my job, my home, and I have a pretty comfortable lifestyle. I even have time and money to help out animals in need. Life is still a vacation. I guess when I finished university and came to Taiwan, I “retired” from life in my country. I go back and visit family and friends, often spending a few months there as a tourist. I like being in my own country, in spite of bad leadership, but I also like being here. I haven’t made the decision to move back there because I enjoy my mobility in life. So my advice is to treat life as an adventure and a vacation. Go and experience. If you feel trapped, get out. If you’re unhappy here, go somewhere else and try something new. In the meantime, do something here in Taiwan to make yourself feel better. Go to the mountains and breathe. Go to Hualien and the east coast and look at the rocks. Take a walk across Jade Mountain. Maybe take a class or learn something new. The real Taiwan is a beautiful place. [/color]

Very well said! Such beautiful sentiments!