I’d love a job massaging Okinawa “mangoes.”
One of my other potted and obviously Democrat plants wants to run off and join a commune. Should I just let it? I mean, it would mean just that less responsiblity for me. Am I a bad person for not caring what happens to my plants even though each reduces global warming in its own way?
At first I read the title as “Does talking to you PANTS really help.” But as with most posts by Fred Smith, I clicked and was disappointed.
Bleedin’ gardeners. 
I dialogue with my rubber plant about three times a week. It has really helped me to get some closure on my daddy issues, y’know?
Don’t wait too long or your ‘Republican’ plant will start talking out of it’s ars … Republican plants live longer in nuclear environment …
When faced with dying houseplants, the Republican thing to do would be to deny that anything’s wrong, and in fact how inspired you are by their transition to democracy.
I only talk to the ones I’m going to eat. Gives them purpose. To feed me.