Saw your post and wanted to chime in before the thread peters out. I’m not sure that your situation is as dire as you make it out to be. Seems to me that you are, overall, really in quite an enviable position. However, it does sound as though you’re bored with your job. Your expectation is that you should be accomplishing more professionally and you should have a higher rate of job satisfaction. This really is just a normal phenomena. It’s pretty much part and parcel of our modern industrial society. Finding a balance between personal needs and family responsibilities can be quite challenging. My belief is that as a spouse and a parent the most important task on your agenda should be to acquire enough resources so that you and your family are safe, secure and living a peaceful, happy existence. This is really quite a tall order. Somehow, seemingly despite any real effort on your part, you have attained this major achievement. You’ve accomplished the most important goal of your life and have done so while still relatively young. Really, how many people can make such a claim? Kudos to you and your wife! However, your work is not finished. Now you have to accomplish the second most important goal in your life. And this is what? The Second Goal, of course, is to preserve the peace, happiness, safety and security that you have already found. That is, preserve Goal # 1. Not an easy task as life is always throwing obstacles, challenges and temptations in our path.
Let’s set aside for a moment your children’s education. Let me simplify things by paraphrasing for you what I read : You and your family are very happy living in Taiwan. Life is good for you now but you feel that you must move to the UK so that you might have a chance at being more happy. That’s basically it, right? The problem with wanting more is that invariably we end up with less. Most importantly, does this not pose a direct threat towards accomplishing your Second Life Goal, that is, the preservation of your successful attainment of Goal #1? I’m curious, what does your wife want? What do your kids want? My guess is that they’re not on board with your plans, otherwise you would have mentioned it. So, this begs the question, are you really going to uproot them from their home, the place they love, grandparents, cousins, friends, classmates, etc., turn their world upside down just because you’re not feeling fulfilled in your job? Forgive the bluntness, but that really seems to be quite selfish of you.
I’m not sure what kind of amazing job offers you have lined up in the UK but if they are not spectacular top tier gigs, then your willingness to roll the dice and gamble away your good fortune would be a serious concern to me if I were your spouse. Sounds like your in the top 10% of all household incomes in Taiwan. Would you be starting off at anything even remotely close to that in the UK? Will you ever be able to obtain such an elevated economic status back home? If so, how many years of working like a dog will it take you? Are you a real go getter with a track record of professional success or have you just been skating by over the years? Have you done any professional development while in Taiwan such as learning Chinese, gone to graduate school or done anything else to improve your professional skill-set in the nine years that you’ve been living here? In other words, have you put in the time so that you can get yourself out of the teaching rut? If not, is it fair to ask your young children and your loving wife to sacrifice so much because of your lack of effort?
I feel that there is a real lack of introspection here. You clearly haven’t figured out how to be truly happy and content with all that you have. Perhaps you have done many things to prepare yourself for a good career in the UK but have not mentioned so in your posts. In which case, I apologize for assuming too much. However, if you have not done so, have you considered the possibility that your job(s) might suck in the UK. That your wife and kids might be miserable. That they will rarely ever get to see their loved one’s, friends and homeland again? You are really asking a lot of them. An adverse outcome could cause a major strain on your family and your relationship with your wife. I don’t mean to be all gloom and doom but nothing you’ve posted here has led me to believe that you have thought this through clearly.
You stated that your native English speaking daughter’s English is “worse than your Taiwanese students’ ”. So…, therefore, your gonna take your daughter to the UK and you are going to dump her, with her disadvantage, into an academic environment that will most likely result in a continuous struggle for her. I’m glad they “nurture” students in the UK because she’s gonna need it. Really, this doesn’t make any sense to me at all.
And then there is this doozey:
“Regarding Chinese, my wife wants the kids to learn it. I personally don’t care. I don’t really see how it’s going to benefit my kids in later life.” Wow, man. Just wow. This comment alone makes me seriously question your judgement.
“My evidence is my brother in law. He is a super smart guy, went to a “great” senior high and a “very good” university. He must have worked his nuts off at school and guess what? He still lives with his parents because he can’t afford to buy a house and food for his wife and kids. I don’t want that for my kids.”
Do you not see that the above comment is clear proof of just how fortunate you and your family have been? Your brother in law must be thinking “what is wrong with this guy?”. And yet, your still whining about your job? You’re really a funny bloke.
Your two children, no doubt, will have UK passports (unlike your struggling brother in-law). With a UK passport (can they not go to a UK university?), fluent in both Chinese, English and with a UK degree under their belt, your children will have the keys to the kingdom my friend. They will not have to struggle like their uncle. At worst, they would get a fair paying, easy gig, teaching people English. Just as their father has done for years. Or heck, maybe they will acquire an even better job like their mum’s.
Sure, schools can be very messed up in Taiwan. However, I have no doubt that a smart, grounded guy like you would be able to figure out how to help your kids mitigate the worst aspects of the Taiwanese educational system. I suggest you ponder a bit and ask yourself this: If you were content in your job, would this discussion even be happening? I seriously doubt it. I’m sure you would be doing everything you could to somehow try and make it work out for your kids. Just like so many other foreigners living in Taiwan have done. In fact, I believe I recently read that the head of the AIT was sending his kids to a local school. No panic from him about the kids education and he could have had tuition at TAS paid for by the US taxpayer.
Looks to me like your searching for reasons to be unfulfilled in your present situation. So, I’m sorry, but no, I’m not buying the whole “my kids education” thing. Stop kidding yourself. This is really all about you and “I want, I want, I want”. Don’t mean to be so harsh but that’s the way I see it. You can see for yourself here:
“I want my kids to be British.
I want to work into middle age gracefully, not clowning for kids in a dead end job.
I want my daughter to be nurtured at school.
I want my son to get into cricket, rugby and football.
I want him to feel proud to fly the nest at 18, not stay living at home forever.
I also want to live somewhere hot where I can wear a wife beater and flip flops 250 days a year, and surf in boardies not a wetsuit.
I guess I am 50:50 between my kids’ education and my own career.”
On this last one, sorry, but not seeing anything close to 50:50 here.
Free flights back home to the UK for the whole family. “Every summer my kids go to stay in the UK with my parents for a couple of months”. Shaking my head here. You really gonna give that up? Man, you just don’t know how good you have it.
I have to say, if you were my spouse and you wanted to nuke my very good career and my way above average happy life without any real justification, I would seriously be telling you that you had better get your stuff together because I sure as hell wouldn’t be entertaining any of your plans.
Perhaps you have one hell of a job lined up to justify such a risky move (If you don’t, I predict major regrets). The great job will make you happy. You will be respected and people will admire you for your career success. Your wife and kids will be grateful for all your hard work and they will think highly of you. Your wife will be fulfilled. She will be content after throwing away her very good career only to replace it with a tedious, fulfilling, minimum wage job (you did an exchange- you transferred your misery and gave it to her…how nice of you). She will also be satisfied with her struggling middle class life. The kids will adjust well. They will play rugby, soccer and be “nurtured at school”. All will work out just as you had hoped. Happier than in Taiwan. Sounds a little dreamy to me.
Again, I apologize for the harsh tone. However, for your families sake, I seriously hope that you take more time to think this over. My advice: improve your professional skills or find peace with the cruisey, well paying job you already have. If you blow it, you’ll have nobody to blame but yourself.