For the Lifers out there: LIFE-AFTER-TEACHING (LAT)

Work Teaching English in Taiwan
41

I never realized how unfair she was until I shared that info here. Her whole the-man-should-take-care-of-everything attitude seemed very convincing. So just for the record, my wife’s financial behavior is totally unacceptable to all of you? Makes NT$100,000 and contributes only $20,000, leaving all the other expenses to me.

What do your wives do with their incomes? Do they contribute their entire (or most entire) paycheck to home expenses?[/quote]

I’m all for the whole man takes care of everything attitude, I tend to operate that way myself. BUT…it’s not something you should be shamed into or convinced of…do it if that’s the way you roll…of your own volition. Even though I tend to cover most of the expenses, I make my own budget and she gets what’s left over, not the first dibs of the pie. If she wants a hollywood lifestyle she married the wrong dude. You both realize you’re not rich, right? Time to reign in the little woman’s loose purse strings and take a greater command of the finances…it sounds. She definitely makes enough where it’s reasonable to ask her to pay half the bills, but how to make the switch at this point may take some slick maneuvering. It would have been easier to bring up from the start

42

I never realized how unfair she was until I shared that info here. Her whole the-man-should-take-care-of-everything attitude seemed very convincing. So just for the record, my wife’s financial behavior is totally unacceptable to all of you? Makes NT$100,000 and contributes only $20,000, leaving all the other expenses to me.

What do your wives do with their incomes? Do they contribute their entire (or most entire) paycheck to home expenses?[/quote]

My wife doesn’t work, but then she looks after the house and the kids and home schools them. I don’t see the point in her working to pay an overcrowded kindergarten most of her wages to give a mediocre education and school environment, especially in Taipei where most kindergartens remind me ofunsanitary prisons. It’s worked out that the kids are doing well and picking up core skills quickly. I give her 1/3 of my post tax income every month for household and kids expenses , she pays their laobao and jianbao and she can save up some cash to make her feel more secure. One could consider it her salary I guess. I keep the main savings and current accounts, some in Taiwan and some overseas, but it’s all OUR money, not mine. I don’t have any secret shit going on. We can have a look at the arrangement at end of the year to see how it’s going, how much I have saved and she’s saved. I pay some bills, the rent and she pays other stuff. This works at the moment due to lower tax loading and lower cost of living in Taiwan, I don’t think it would work so well overseas, but there we would be able to access more child benefit etc. She doesn’t go crazy with money either although I do ask sometimes where does the money go…that’s not necessarily her fault though, when it comes to families there are always outgoings! It’s not easy just having one income, it piles on the pressure, but it can’t be helped at the moment.

The terrible work conditions and poor pay of many workers here, means the options are kind of shit. Scumbag laobans will try to low ball her salary because she hasn’t ‘worked’ for a few years. She’s now doing some part-time small biz but it’s never made more money than we’ve put into it so far. We tried a bunch of things , we might not be the best in the world at running a business but I don’t think we’ve had the ‘luck’ either. Once we waited two years for the big orders to come (the tax office thought we had set up a shell company for fraud we had so few fapiaos issues lol), we finally decided to shut it down and an order 10X all previous ones came in a few weeks later. That hurts, the profit margin was massive aswell :frowning:
I continue to work in Taiwan because we can save almost half my income every month , something almost unheard of for a single earning household in a capital city in Asia or most countries worldwide. But then again that could all change tomorrow.

I don’t expect to retire until maybe 60s or 70. People are living a long time now, medical expenses and inflation will be there. Unless you have family assets to inherit people are just generally going to have to work longer and keep trying to get some income stream. My father-in-law retired too young and could have decades left in him, he should have kept working another 10 years (retired around 55 from government job). Uncle-in-law also retired around same age, blew all his money and now working as security guard, should have stayed in his government job and not taken the early retirement. My parents have a good retirement with guaranteed pensions, it’s just not so easy for most of this generation. Expect to work longer, if you can retire earlier…good for you.

43

In my situation (I’m an American, hubby is British), I send half my salary to my husband’s account and that plus his salary are our savings. What is left in my account pays for bills, nights out, groceries, etc etc.

If I did what your wife did, my husband would no longer see us as a ‘team’ and it would definitely lead to significant strain on our relationship, probably divorce (and vice versa). We have financial goals that we attain together as partners and are planning for our future together. If we had differing visions, I don’t see how it could work.

44

I never realized how unfair she was until I shared that info here. Her whole the-man-should-take-care-of-everything attitude seemed very convincing. So just for the record, my wife’s financial behavior is totally unacceptable to all of you? Makes NT$100,000 and contributes only $20,000, leaving all the other expenses to me.

What do your wives do with their incomes? Do they contribute their entire (or most entire) paycheck to home expenses?[/quote]
I can’t offer any help so I’m just gonna give you a hug.

45

I second that hug!

46

Holy fuck. Fuck Ermitrude’s temp thread. This is my thread, no doubts.

First of all, yes, your wife’s not being fair at all. In my case we write down prety much every single bill we have to pay, so we know how much is paying each one. Yeah, supposedly we try to pay the same. Tell your wife you are not a cow so stop milking you (or your wallet).

As for her joking about leaving you alone with your illness if that ever happens… who knows. So far, how supportive do you find her?

Now, You are making a lot of money for Taiwanese standards, so your wife is. The problem is that most likely you can not do that forever, as you pointed out. I make not even half what you make (and before taxes), and my gf is making 45k, although the company does not declare everything, which means an even crappier retirement fund.

Every day, almost every night, I think about this. I’m about 35 yo, and I haven’t made any decision regarding my future and my retirement. Before I used to hope to die not very old, but who knows what will happen…

Honestly, I’m scared to dead about a future as a homeless. I won’t need to support my parents, but my inheritance will be lame (we are 5 sibilins). At least you are making MONEY (dude, no offense but reduce those bills already!!!) AND investing. I only talk about investing, business ideas, buying and selling currencies… but I have done nothing since I’m here (already 4,5 years!!!). I have saved a bit over 1M TWD and I own a 250k TWD bike. And I have another account in my country with about 21K EUR.

I’m going to renew the ARC this month and I plan to ask boss for a salary raise. But i need a plan. Either that or accept a very humble existance in some OTHER tropical island, fishing and eating coconuts… and hopefully banging some exotic girls :smiley: (well, that was the joke I had back in the day… “if I ever fuck up, I´ll end up in a tropical island fishing, eating coconuts, and banging local girls”… close enough… well, not really).

The only solution I see for myself is to:

  1. save money, stop wasting it into aquariums shit :stuck_out_tongue:
  2. look for some investments (but I’ve got no idea)
  3. put some money in EUR, USD, CNY, and move from one account to another depending on the exchange rate
  4. get back to selling homebrewed mead, as I used to do the first years here :smiley:
  5. open a business, like a coffee shop, bar, some simple eatery… but I’ve no experience and it could be too much of a risk
    6b) open a 7/11 some day???
  6. retire in a MUCH cheaper place

Anyway… i could always go back home, but I’m getting old for getting a job easily, and my home land is totally fucked up with the crisis…

47

I’d give you a virtual hug, but I’m not the hugging kind.

Your wife makes 100,000/month and should contribute as though you are a team.

However, she only made 50,000/month until earlier this year (2015), so I doubt she’s saved up a ton for her business idea. Maybe she doesn’t have the emergency money that you have.

I think both of you should save up an emergency stash, then invest some, and you should know what your partner is doing. In Taiwan, after that first year of marriage, you must file taxes jointly, so you know exactly what each other have coming in. If one of you should die, the other should know exactly where all the investments are.

LV bags are ugly and would be overpriced if they cost one tenth as much.

Good luck!

48

I kinda feel like this thread belongs to the relationships forum.

49

[quote=“RockOn”][quote=“Indiana”]You are saving $1,000 a month, which really isn’t enough at 40 to save for a comfortable retirement (especially since teaching kids in Taiwan isn’t really a job fit for those into their 60’s and beyond). Your wife has champagne taste on a beer budget, and that probably won’t change as you grow older. You are stressing about having enough money for retirement, but she is obviously brushing your worries off and not considering your feelings on the matter.

Do you think this will ever change?

What will happen to your retirement savings when you’re both older / unable to work? Will she blow it all (while having put some of her own money away in a nest egg that you may not know about, so that she can keep herself secure)?[/quote]

Thank you. That’s what the entire thread is about. It just isn’t really enough. Saving / Investing TW$35,000 sounds like a lot when you’re younger and starting out new in Taiwan, but it really isn’t much at all, in the grand retirement-scheme.

She has jokingly said that if something, like a heart-attack / stroke / cancer, should ever happen to me, she’ll walk away and leave me and that I’d better get private health insurance to help me cover those expenses one day. I must admit, after she said that to me I kinda felt like a piece of disposable shit to her, even though it was said in jest.(Many a truth, is spoken in jest…set off an alarm bell). So obviously when the insurance guy came around I made sure I covered all my financial bases, for when shit goes pear-shaped.

Another way I’m protecting myself is opening an offshore personal brokerage account that she doesn’t know about or have access to. The majority of my “new” money will move through this account to help me safeguard it in the future. So she’ll have her SEPARATE savings account and I’ll have my own 100% SEPARATE investment account. Seems more fair.[/quote]

  1. Retirement accounts build up on time, so the earlier you start, the less you have to put in. My first one got started on 10K a month. You need as basic stuff a retirement fund with a reputable company -I lost one whole fund in the ol country with a national bank, there’s faith for you- and a buy-the-farm insurance -in case of death my relatives are loaded, supposedly to take care of my pets, but my pets are also beneficiaries. In your case, set it up as your kids as only beneficiaries after 21.

  2. There is a special long term care insurance, bit expensive if you start late or have existing medical conditions -which often happen at the same time -but covers both medical and hospice care and nurse care and/or a live-in maid to clean you and feed you in case you are unable to do so yourself. Now that one is pricey, but if you are alone -and it sounds you will be, even if the kids stay with you and your marriage stays together, you will need the funds to pay for a South East Asian caretaker, at least.

  3. Once the insurance issues are covered, then you can set aside some money to “play” short term investments, high risk but higher yield bonds, real estate, a small business.

  4. Even if your long term plans include leaving The Island, do dot your i’s and get a Permanent Resident Visa. You cannot depend on a marriage JFVC to stay here and keep an eye on your kids. Marriages are fragile, and life takes you in unexpected ways, a PARC will allow you to have more flexibility when planning.

  5. Coming from a far more traditional and chauvinist country, I can also say that that thing of blowing your husband off regarding money ain’t gonna fly. You do what hubby says. Even here in Taiwan, she wouldn’t pull that off with a local guy. If she is going to use the excuse of “the man takes care of things”, she has to accept the addendum " you do as the man says". She can’t just pick what suits her. You are trying to be the good guy here. Be careful that you haven’t become the father figure in the relationship. Explain once and for all that business dreams will not fill your bellies when you are silver haired. That your children will have responsibilities of their own and you cannot just depend on them feeding you if you have not provided for them properly. Hence, a fixed amount must be set for retirement and college funds from both your salaries and that’s it. Tell her you already cover what you cover, and that the idea is that like an ox cart, with two oxen, you can get far. Do you want to see your children living in Xinyi or in Taishan? Do you want them going to Harvard or Asia University?

50

Just some helpful advice for folks, if you need some help with LinkedIn profile review, I can help. Of course you need the basics education , and a bit of experience, but the LinkedIn profile can help give you more opportunities. I helped a Taiwanese colleague recently, the guy didn’t have the first clue how to get his profile noticed and how to describe his experience in the right way. Other ways to get noticed and hired are to join associations and sports clubs. hell I even knew a borderline alcoholic who get a job by sitting at a bar with another borderline alcoholic every night. I also know people who met their employers in nightclubs. There are also plenty of cheapo MBA type course in Taiwan, that’s a relatively quick and realistic way to transition.
For teachers, there are also opportunities in training if all types.

But these days, LinkedIn, you need to get that mojo going. Also, upgrade your language skills with decent Chinese if intending to work in Asia. You don’t actually have to use it too much for many roles, but it makes you stand out and it is an asset for employers these days.

Australia also gives temp work permits to people who qualify from their educational institutions, the rules have gotten stricter recently though.

There are also many working visa and youth visa schemes worldwide, although they often have a cut off of 30 or 35 years of age.

51

[quote=“headhonchoII”]Just some helpful advice for folks, if you need some help with LinkedIn profile review, I can help. Of course you need the basics education , and a bit of experience, but the LinkedIn profile can help give you more opportunities. I helped a Taiwanese colleague recently, the guy didn’t have the first clue how to get his profile noticed and how to describe his experience in the right way. Other ways to get noticed and hired are to join associations and sports clubs. hell I even knew a borderline alcoholic who get a job by sitting at a bar with another borderline alcoholic every night. I also know people who met their employers in nightclubs. There are also plenty of cheapo MBA type course in Taiwan, that’s a relatively quick and realistic way to transition.
For teachers, there are also opportunities in training if all types.

But these days, LinkedIn, you need to get that mojo going. Also, upgrade your language skills with decent Chinese if intending to work in Asia. You don’t actually have to use it too much for many roles, but it makes you stand out and it is an asset for employers these days.

Australia also gives temp work permits to people who qualify from their educational institutions, the rules have gotten stricter recently though.

There are also many working visa and youth visa schemes worldwide, although they often have a cut off of 30 or 35 years of age.[/quote]
I’ll PM you tonight or tomorrow :slight_smile:

52

[quote=“Icon”]

  1. Coming from a far more traditional and chauvinist country, I can also say that that thing of blowing your husband off regarding money ain’t gonna fly. You do what hubby says. Even here in Taiwan, she wouldn’t pull that off with a local guy. If she is going to use the excuse of “the man takes care of things”, she has to accept the addendum " you do as the man says". She can’t just pick what suits her. You are trying to be the good guy here. Be careful that you haven’t become the father figure in the relationship. Explain once and for all that business dreams will not fill your bellies when you are silver haired. That your children will have responsibilities of their own and you cannot just depend on them feeding you if you have not provided for them properly. Hence, a fixed amount must be set for retirement and college funds from both your salaries and that’s it. Tell her you already cover what you cover, and that the idea is that like an ox cart, with two oxen, you can get far. Do you want to see your children living in Xinyi or in Taishan? Do you want them going to Harvard or Asia University?[/quote]

This is key. I know of many men here who let their wife keep the NT$25k she makes per month, as long as some of the money are put against daily costs.

There, the wife does what the an says. Hell, I expect 100% backup and commitment from my SO. I do not want to come home 9PM to a sink full of dirty dishes and what have you not when you do not pay rent or utilities.

53

[quote=“Mr He”]

There, the wife does what the an says. Hell, I expect 100% backup and commitment from my SO. I do not want to come home 9PM to a sink full of dirty dishes and what have you not when you do not pay rent or utilities.[/quote]

Whatever you do, DO NOT move to Canada. Canadian women expect their men to do the dishes after a long day of work.
Isn’t that true Canadian ladies?

54

I still maintain that YOUR $$$ is your $$$. If the missus is a stay-at-home mom, fine, give her some cash for her savings.

But, hell…giving her YOUR $$ and letting her control it, that’s BS.

Again, get half of that house in your name, because IF things go sour (and there is always an “if”), then you will get nothing from her, and you can say goodbye to years of mortgage payments, which will definitely put you in that box on the street.

I never thought I would get divorced (after a 14 year relationship), but I did, shit happens…be prepared and make sure YOUR future is secure

When we separated I got pushed out of the decision making process, it was all my ex and the in-laws ( I wanted to put it on the market for a much higher price, but they wanted a quick sale), I had no choice over that, because the mortgage was in my ex’s name… but, I DID get my half of what was left over after the bank was paid off, and only because I legally owned 1/2 of the property.

I know I am repeating my previous post (in fact, I hardly ever post on the forum:-)

But damn…I have strong feelings about this!

55

[quote=“Mr He”][quote=“Icon”]

  1. Coming from a far more traditional and chauvinist country, I can also say that that thing of blowing your husband off regarding money ain’t gonna fly. You do what hubby says. Even here in Taiwan, she wouldn’t pull that off with a local guy. If she is going to use the excuse of “the man takes care of things”, she has to accept the addendum " you do as the man says". She can’t just pick what suits her. You are trying to be the good guy here. Be careful that you haven’t become the father figure in the relationship. Explain once and for all that business dreams will not fill your bellies when you are silver haired. That your children will have responsibilities of their own and you cannot just depend on them feeding you if you have not provided for them properly. Hence, a fixed amount must be set for retirement and college funds from both your salaries and that’s it. Tell her you already cover what you cover, and that the idea is that like an ox cart, with two oxen, you can get far. Do you want to see your children living in Xinyi or in Taishan? Do you want them going to Harvard or Asia University?[/quote]

This is key. I know of many men here who let their wife keep the NT$25k she makes per month, as long as some of the money are put against daily costs.

There, the wife does what the an says. Hell, I expect 100% backup and commitment from my SO. I do not want to come home 9PM to a sink full of dirty dishes and what have you not when you do not pay rent or utilities.[/quote]

My point is, what are her expectations? If you want the man to have a traditional role, that means you will also perform a traditional role. He wants you to stay home and take care of kiddies and not work? Then certain assurances must be negotiated -life insurance, cash on hand for daily expenditures plus your own discretionary funds. At least, that is the way really traditional places work. Where both work, they first fill up the family coffers with mutual funds, pay the bills and then negotiate what to do if there is anything left. But as my signature says, first take care of urgent stuff, as most of the time there is no time/money/strength to take care of the important stuff.

In Taiwan, such assurances take the form, for example, of putting the house in her name, totally, or buying additional real estate as “insurance” and “investment”.

Hence my confusion, if this is a traditional arrangement, then, why is she not putting the household first? That means today’s bills, tomorrow’s savings, children’s education funds, old age plans. Why is she looking down on her husband with those comments? She is putting him down, making him feel bad with her expectations. If she wanted to marry a millionaire and live la vida loca of spending without thinking for tomorrow, that is crashing with her reality of being married to an English teacher. But that was her choice. It is a clash of traditional thinking and modern actions.

For instance: if both work, and she cooks, then she has to do the dishes while the guy watches TV? In traditional societies, she would do that as a given because if she does not work. If she does all, work outside, cook and wash the dishes, then it will be a lousy job and she will be divorced soon, as traditional husbands complain about neatness in spite of her workload, and she also gets feed up and agrees so she won’t have the load of the husband’s expectations and he will just move on to a younger non-working bimbo or wash/rinse/repeat if he can’t see the pattern. That is the tragedy of traditional societies. In modern societies, if both work, then both figure out a way so that there won’t be dirty plates in the sink at the end of the day.

56

It is a good idea (well, it is common sense!) to put your things in your name.

Now, the OP said that he rents and plans to rent his whole life… isn’t it? then the aadvice does not apply in this case…

57

LOL, I missed that ! Feeling silly. Still, the rest applies, keep your money in your hands and split the bills.

58

Jeez Icon, you nailed that one. The OP needs to read that and absorb it. From a superficial reading the OP’s wife shows at the minimum immaturity (and not a man for a change…refreshing) but it could be worse than that. Heck not many of us have perfect relationships, but this half-in half-out shit would drive me mad personally or to drink or well more drink that I already drink. :ohreally: What happens if the OP goes through a bad patch income wise. Even when your partner is 100% all-in it can create major stresses.

It’s really hard to judge relationships from outside, although I remember somebody saying to me ‘but we love each other’ after the umpteenth fight and ‘I never cheated on her’’ (and me with this look again… if that’s love who needs it… :ponder:)…and then a couple of years later they are fighting about the assets and accusations of affairs were flying here and there. Sometimes the situation IS clearer from the outside.

59

We obviously have only heard your side of the story and I obviously don’t know your wife and I really am no relationship expert, but if your wife is really like the way you’ve been describing(that “I will leave you if you &^#@^*^*@#” part is fucking obnoxious) I can swear that you wouldn’t feel as anxious about the future had your wife been more supportive - a real teammate, like what they say.

60

Agreed. And one nice thing about Taiwan is that it’s not too difficult finding help. I doubt I’d be able to afford a nanny/cleaning lady back home.

As far as the OP goes, thanks for sharing your story. It must be tough feeling like you’re the only one contributing to your family’s future. I’d be concerned as well.

If it’s a serious issue, how do you sit down and talk about these concerns? Once an agreement or mutual understanding is in place, whether in business or relationships, it can be hard to change the status quo.