For the Lifers out there: LIFE-AFTER-TEACHING (LAT)

Canadian men do the dishes with a smile on their faces

Agreed. And one nice thing about Taiwan is that it’s not too difficult finding help. I doubt I’d be able to afford a nanny/cleaning lady back home.

As far as the OP goes, thanks for sharing your story. It must be tough feeling like you’re the only one contributing to your family’s future. I’d be concerned as well.

If it’s a serious issue, how do you sit down and talk about these concerns? Once an agreement or mutual understanding is in place, whether in business or relationships, it can be hard to change the status quo.[/quote]

It’s going to be hard changing her mind, but I have already set a time to talk to her on the weekend. Will keep you updated as to her response. I predict a lot of shouting and name-calling, but so be it.

Or they just buy a dishwasher like everyone else does in the Western World. :slight_smile:

Agreed. And one nice thing about Taiwan is that it’s not too difficult finding help. I doubt I’d be able to afford a nanny/cleaning lady back home.

As far as the OP goes, thanks for sharing your story. It must be tough feeling like you’re the only one contributing to your family’s future. I’d be concerned as well.

If it’s a serious issue, how do you sit down and talk about these concerns? Once an agreement or mutual understanding is in place, whether in business or relationships, it can be hard to change the status quo.[/quote]

It’s going to be hard changing her mind, but I have already set a time to talk to her on the weekend. Will keep you updated as to her response. I predict a lot of shouting and name-calling, but so be it.[/quote]

Hang in there, and stand your ground. It might be tough, but working this out now is better than what could potentially happen down the line.

Who cares about Canadian men, I for one do not.

Now I am going very much off topic, however among the western/expats marriages I have known here, the husband was the one working and the wife was minding the home. Really. I do not know how they shared tasks, however none of the women would sit back and relax while hubby made the money AND did the household chores.

The same rather abysmal work sharing I was subject to in my marriages was not even on the table.

The OP needs to get his wife in the game somehow. Raise a storm if it is what it takes, you cannot bear too much on your shoulders. If she wants to do it her way fine, however make sure that she pays some into the household and that she puts some away in a retirement fund. As long as she keeps you a little in the know, then it’s all good. You could even set up a retirement fund competition. Also, mutual openness is key. I tell my missus about the challenges and the costs popping out of nowhere I got, so it’s not a dark box. I donot give out detailed amounts, however again she would not ask.

Mr. He, real men do the dishes with a smile on their face. But the real charmers make dinner AND do the washing up. Followed by great sex

note: Taiwanese women don’t expect this, they are amazed if you can even cook in the first place, and washing dishes, that’s not very macho, so they don’t require it.

Canadian women expect their men to be domesticated.

NO ONE does dishes with a smile on their face (unless they are bat crazy).

NO ONE does dishes with a smile on their face (unless they are bat crazy).[/quote]

Not really. With a simple act, they are strengthening the relationship, building up trust, saying to their partner “I am here for you”.

And they get rewarded for it. They should.

OTOH, there is a great variety of fetishes out there…

Agreed. And one nice thing about Taiwan is that it’s not too difficult finding help. I doubt I’d be able to afford a nanny/cleaning lady back home.

As far as the OP goes, thanks for sharing your story. It must be tough feeling like you’re the only one contributing to your family’s future. I’d be concerned as well.

If it’s a serious issue, how do you sit down and talk about these concerns? Once an agreement or mutual understanding is in place, whether in business or relationships, it can be hard to change the status quo.[/quote]

My point there is that people in modern societies are not so bound -rather, gagged- by tradition. Without that weight one, it is up to them to have better communication. And everything in life, from satisfactory relations to great sex, depends on good, open, honest, constant communication.

I know most guys are not much into talking and I am not saying you should be expressing your feelings all the time. But until the OP put down the words on the screen, probably he wasn’t honest to himself about what was bothering him. And his wife certainly does not say what is on her mind.

I used to enjoy lying on bed after huge bbq feast, with my fat sweaty stomach out, sipping my beers, watching TV, while the girlfriend mops the floor on her knees. Those were good times. I felt like a King

[quote=“BlownWideOpen”]Mr. He, real men do the dishes with a smile on their face. But the real charmers make dinner AND do the washing up. Followed by great sex

note: Taiwanese women don’t expect this, they are amazed if you can even cook in the first place, and washing dishes, that’s not very macho, so they don’t require it.

Canadian women expect their men to be domesticated.[/quote]

Are you kidding me? The Taiwanese who I know who married westerners all had a dream that their western husband would rescue them from the fate of becoming a slave to Taiwanese in-laws and hence would they dreamed up their husband would do the cooking, cleaning, house chores etc while they basked in the glory of being free. Kind of ironic since a lot of western guys have the same fantasy but in reverse, where their Asian wife waits on them. Funny how that works out.

In my relationship…whoever makes the mess cleans it up.

I like to cook and do the dishes after. When the lady tries to come in to the kitchen to help, I kick her out.

That’s partly because I’ve been domesticated by Canadian women, and also because everyone knows men are the best cooks. :noway:

The dishes part… well, that’s because I get something very special in return…uhhhum…block your ears children…

Astute observation, and the bane of many a marriage here in Taiwan. I have seen that fairly often.

What happens is that many Taiwanese bring up a little princess. Dumb them. OK, once she gets married, the mother in law starts to sort her out, which hubby plays the “I can do nnothing sorry honey” card. OK, not fun for the lady, however she learns to cook and clean, which her parents should have taught her to begin with, I am teaching my 2 little ones already(One of which is a boy). The women do not want to do that either stay single or they find a dumb foreigner and try go tave their cake while eating it. That will not work out well in the long run. If a girl displays any symptoms toward that behavior, she is to be dumped like a stone. Hubby has the choice between being a neutered slave or play the mother in law’s role, IE crack the whip over her head until she learns to contribute. Could be by having a career and making the most money, could be by supporting the hubby or split the housework, or if everything is paid for by the husband do the house chores.

A my missus puts it, the foreigners get all the oddballs. I replied with asking her where that left her, however she did not answer that one.

Real men buy a dishwasher, that’s what I did.

I do all the laundry though. Or nearly all, my SO has some she prefers to wash by hand, that she can do herself. She is happy enough with me sometimes folding her t-shirts.

Naa, that’s just what they all say… “foreigners get all the ugly, oddballs blah blah”… it’s just another one of those boring old cliches that gets tossed around. I’ve heard it thousands of times. and we like the darker skinned ones, blah blah blah

Besides the tiny percentage of “dumb foreigners” they run to, you left out the vast majority who run to older, usually married Taiwanese men and maintain these sordid bizarre type relationships that go on for years, involving the wife of the married man confronting the younger lady but still being sweet to the married man, and usually ending up with the younger lady in ruins. I’ve met this type of lady and listened to the story countless times

I was speaking from personal experience.

Fair enough.

Now back to dishes, sex, cooking and laundry! And Canadian male domestication.

I’m waiting for one of the Canadian women to comment. Ladies…what do you say? Back in Canada, have you ever had a man come home from a day of work where you were at home all day, and he cooked a meal or did dishes or laundry or whatever? I want an honest answer here

I can do the cooking on a Friday night, however I cannot keep the missus out of the kitchen, and no, I am ordered away if my diswashing venture extends beyond taking the dishes from the table to the kitchen.

Does that count?

Sounds good enough to me. Hey, I wouldn’t do a damn thing after walking in the door at 9pm except plonk down on the couch with a beer and watch the news. That’s a long day

[quote=“BlownWideOpen”]

I’m waiting for one of the Canadian women to comment. Ladies…what do you say? Back in Canada, have you ever had a man come home from a day of work where you were at home all day, and he cooked a meal or did dishes or laundry or whatever? I want an honest answer here[/quote]

I take it you have had this experience before…I would hope it would be a highly irregular one. That’s just plain old laziness.

My uncle married a woman like this and the whole family hates her. He is the CEO of a tech company and she gave up her teaching job when she had a kid…their kid (my cousin) is 25 now and she never went back to work. My uncle has always done all of the cleaning, cooking, EVERYTHING while she orders him around and has never lifted a finger. I don’t get it and have never seen anything like it before. He is completely smitten with her and no one can understand why.

[quote=“Indiana”][quote=“BlownWideOpen”]

I’m waiting for one of the Canadian women to comment. Ladies…what do you say? Back in Canada, have you ever had a man come home from a day of work where you were at home all day, and he cooked a meal or did dishes or laundry or whatever? I want an honest answer here[/quote]

I take it you have had this experience before…I would hope it would be a highly irregular one. That’s just plain old laziness.

My uncle married a woman like this and the whole family hates her. He is the CEO of a tech company and she gave up her teaching job when she had a kid…their kid (my cousin) is 25 now and she never went back to work. My uncle has always done all of the cleaning, cooking, EVERYTHING while she orders him around and has never lifted a finger. I don’t get it and have never seen anything like it before. He is completely smitten with her and no one can understand why.[/quote]

Sorry if I offend, however if a woman can get away with that for 25 years, she has either pussy-whipped him into a wreck or her skills in bed are out of this world.