Getting Fired (and possibly divorced)

Legal Visa & Residency
21

That’s not a good plan. You keep talking about how little money you have, but a private investigator and a court case for adultery don’t come cheap. You should let all of that go and focus on getting a nice, easy and CHEAP consensual divorce and then you can get on with the rest of your life. You do this by stringing her along with whatever she wants to hear till you’re good and ready to sign divorce papers.

Of course, you really need to figure out what you want first. Is it to leave? Then get the ticket off her first. Is it an APRC? Then work hard, save up and make sure she thinks you’re leaving because that’s probably what SHE wants - and figuring that out is almost as important as figuring out what you want.

And it’s not the end of the world. It’s never the end of the world.

2 Likes
22

Yeah…the PI is probably not going to happen. Only mentioned this out of spite. It’s fairly obvious she is in a hurry to re-marry since her window to have children is vanishing. I am only short money because the job situation has not exactly been rectified. Once this is done and money is no longer an issue I will be more prepared to sign papers. I don’t want this to turn into a court battle as I would end up having to pay an attorney and that would be a bad deal all around.

As far as what she wants, she stated in her reply to my request for a plane ticket that she had WANTED me to leave the country. I will just tell her I am saving money to get ready to leave the country and trying to line up things in the US for a smooth transition. What I want is an APRC - and with the JFRV already surrendered, I don’t really need anything from her.

Of course, the stability of the JFRV would be nice…and I will see what NIA says tomorrow…but I think it’s not a possibility. What I would like is to continue living in Taipei and having a student loan payment of ZERO. I would like to finish my Ph.D. here which makes renewing an APRC far simpler…and I would like to retire here after finding a SOLID job with a research institute or government agency, to have 60% of my income paid to me as retirement when that time comes.

My retirement in the US is pretty much NILL and returning back to the US comes with a host of issues that would need to be resolved. The issues or problems to address here in Taiwan are fewer in number than those I would face in the US (find a job, find a place, find a car, get driver’s license, get auto insurance, get health insurance, get dental insurance, get renter’s insurance) and tuition is most definitely higher in the US than it is at NTU.

My plan is fairly solid…I was just shaken recently. I am still not mentally prepared to make this step and sign papers. Technically, I am in position to sign…but I’d like a bit more time to get my life back on track before signing anything. Having this happen really disrupted life here…and it’s been an emotional struggle I wasn’t quite ready to deal with.

23

Causing an official to make a false entry in a public document is illegal. If the information is not recorded, I suppose you’re safe, but it’s still naughty.

If an ARC is terminated on the basis of employment being terminated, it should be obvious and not require a letter from the employer (has anyone had that problem when applying for an ARC extension?). Also, refusing to issue a 服務證明書 upon termination of a contract is a violation of the Labor Standards Act.

24

yyy, you know what you’re talking about. Having said that, the OP trying to get back onto a marriage based ARC is clearly the best bet, No?

25

It doesn’t hurt to try. If they say no, then so be it. But I might as well
see if they refuse before assuming they do. Also, can you suggest a
therapist? I am struggling each day to not be sad over this. I go back and
forth from sad to angry…I miss her…or I am angry at her…and there has
never been any closure for me.

I appreciate the advice with the VISA…but I have been paralyzed for three
months and have not moved really anywhere. It’s just constant overwhelming
depression that has resulted in a lot of messed up ideation and some
attempts.

26

Why are there so many horror stories of Taiwanese ladies and Western or foreign men? I heard one too many. Is it culture difference?

27

I have no experience regarding therapy. It might be the case that you need to consider where is best for you to recover. Taiwan’s not for everyone, and there’s no shame in admitting that.

28

Taiwan would be a smoother recovery. Though it has been rough, going back to the US after having sold everything I owned to move here…to start at ZERO would be much more difficult than the position I am in now. At least it isn’t totally zero. I am just sad that this happened and wish that my wife did not choose this. I also feel kind of bad for her. She’s 39,Taiwanese…and now divorced. She can’t have children without fertility treatments and has lived in the US for 17 years. Native Taiwanese always think she is ABC…and it is like she will end up taking care of her parents with her sister for the remainder of her days.

29

My worthless self thanks Honorable Biggus for his flattery and advises not to put too much faith in my worthless advice. :bowing:

I don’t think OP really needs to do anything about his ARC for now. If he suddenly agrees to the divorce, it’s not an issue because he already has a work based ARC. If he suddenly gets fired or quits, he can get a six month extension (if it’s applied for in a timely manner, at least).

Iirc the NIA told OP it didn’t care (wrt the hypothetical APRC application) about him switching from marriage to work based ARC’s. If that was a misunderstanding, and they actually do care, then it’s already too late. If it’s correct, and they don’t care, then it’s still irrelevant, as far as I can tell.

1 Like
30

You always hear about the train wreck stories because they’re dramatic and ‘gif of eating popcorn’ entertaining. You don’t hear about the successful marriages because they’re boring. There’s no tale to tell. I have a good marriage. Of course we’re normal and have cultural differences and small arguments now and then, but no more than the average married couple (actually, probably less). So no, I don’t think Western-Taiwanese couplings are doomed. I think you’re doomed if you jump too quickly into a marriage without fully understanding or knowing the other person. And sometimes with international marriages things can get rushed.

1 Like
31

We have a thread about that.

32

Dude, OP…
I have read many of your posts because they have splintered off into so many other topics all boiling down to your marriage. I have been biting my tongue hoping all works well for you and your wife. But I just can’t sit back and watch this train wreck anymore. I am going to be blunt so hold on tight.

Nothing in your life will ever change until you understand and accept that you are the cause of your problems. You need to own this or you will forever be in this crappy situation…relationship after relationship…on and on.

This is about YOU. Not her or anyone else. No matter how messed up you think she was and is, it’s not about her. You are the problem. You need to take control of your life by taking control of your thoughts and actions. Stop playing the blame game and stop playing the victim. You messed up, you allowed this other person to control your thoughts and actions. You were and are too worried about what other people think about you. STOP.

You commented earlier that it would cause you greater depression to move back in with your parents at 40. Why? That’s you again…caring too much about what you think others might be thinking about you. Who gives a crap what anyone thinks? STOP!

You get one shot at life and that’s if you are lucky. Many people never make it to 40, you have. Congrats! You are alive! You have a life and it is YOURS. Every second you spend thinking about what others may or may not be thinking about you is a second of life WASTED. STOP.

Own yourself. Own your thoughts. Own your actions. Own your life. Live in the now. The past is only in YOUR head and YOUR future truly is what YOU make of it. STOP the madness.

You screwed up. Not her or anyone else. You need to get your life in order. Stop manipulating yourself.

If you want the APRC, then get it. Just do it. You have a plan, make it work and throw out the mental garbage.

If you want to go back to your parents. Do it. There is no shame. Shame is all in YOUR head.

Start being a responsible adult and get yourself to work on time. You need money to survive on this planet and the vast majority of us have to work to get that money. Again, you did this to yourself. STOP.

Lastly, start enjoying life in the now. Like I said before. You are alive. Congrats! It’s YOUR life and the only person that can screw it up is yourself. Take control of you.

8 Likes
33

I can’t, but I assume there are some decent ones out there.

Edit: And ideally that last sub-forum is where the discussion about romance goes, if it’s not too much to ask of everyone. :slight_smile:

34

You do me a disservice, sir. I have the utmost respect for you and consider your advice to be highly worthy.

1 Like