Grief-no we are not moving the living room down stairs


#21

Install Shoji doors or a similar translucent screen. Say it’s to separate the shoes on/shoes off area.


#22

[quote=“Okami”]In laws don’t live with us nor come over at all. Which I’m very grateful for. :pray:

It’s their place, was rotting down, they fixed it up and we moved down here and pay no rent which allows my wife to be a stay-at-home mom. I talked with the wife today and got an answer I should of expected when i tried to bend a little. I said we can out the living room downstairs, but I want curtains. She said they are hard to wash and no one will look in anyway.

So as it stands, this is going to be escalated. :cry:[/quote]

So…add a new rule to the 1st floor living room: no clothes allowed. Then ask her if she still doesn’t want curtains. :slight_smile:


#23

And what is to be done with the room that currently acts as your living room. Is it just going to be empty? Could you not throw a sofa down on the first floor and call it a living room but still stay on the second floor?

If not, maybe a shoji screen so you and the missus can run around naked.


#24

If they’re not living in that house, why do they want the living room on the first floor anyway?


#25

Man, does anyone else think this post is just a little too weird? Nothing makes sense.

Why do the parents-in-law care?
Why is it a big deal to move it anyways?
Why is he using their home?
Why are the curtains a big issue?

I would just do whatever they want me to do if it’s not too much trouble. After all, if its not my house I’m living I’d obey even if the owners are not there.


#26

[quote=“Rabidpie”]
I would just do whatever they want me to do if it’s not too much trouble. After all, if its not my house I’m living I’d obey even if the owners are not there.[/quote]

That’s the first step to a life of being walked all over. :frowning:


#27

And if nothing else works out, you could wait until the wife is out one day, throw up some cutains and wash them yourself every 2 or 3 years if you don’t want to cough up the couple of hundred NT a laundry service would charge.


#28

[quote=“Rabidpie”]Man, does anyone else think this post is just a little too weird? Nothing makes sense.
Why do the parents-in-law care?[/quote]

Because they are getting older, and are finding it harder and harder to climb the stairs, even though they’re warmly greeted at the top with a plate of sliced fresh fruit and all the tea in China.

I’d move the living-room downstairs, but retain a ‘study’ upstairs for yourself. Problem solved.


#29

[quote=“Indiana”][quote=“Rabidpie”]
I would just do whatever they want me to do if it’s not too much trouble. After all, if its not my house I’m living I’d obey even if the owners are not there.[/quote]

That’s the first step to a life of being walked all over. :frowning:[/quote]

哈哈哈, well if it is not your home it is not your home. I plan to have my own home.


#30

[quote=“Indiana”][quote=“Rabidpie”]
I would just do whatever they want me to do if it’s not too much trouble. After all, if its not my house I’m living I’d obey even if the owners are not there.[/quote]

That’s the first step to a life of being walked all over. :frowning:[/quote]

I think picking your battles is a good thing. If it’s not too much trouble or the adverse effect on me < the positive effect on the person who would like it, I will do it. The adverse effect on me will be made smaller because it will make the other person happy, too, and people being happy is contagious :discodance:

If it would be very bad for me, I have no qualms about saying no. Generally it carries more weight as well because I’m not one of those people who ‘say no to everything’. I also don’t really give a toss if people get upset because I said no, they’ll get over it - it’s hard to manipulate people who simply don’t care.

With the living room, I would ask why, and if it wasn’t too much trouble I’d either move it downstairs or add a second living room for us to sit in together when they came over to visit. Being a foreigner I probably wouldn’t want to sit downstairs with no curtains as you KNOW people will stare, and I get enough of that outside all day. I wouldn’t like to have to deal with it when I’m at home. I think this might be OP’s problem with it, and maybe the grandparents or the wife haven’t considered this.

Rabidpie, I think the whole thing’s quite odd too. But let me answer your questions:

  1. Parents-In-Law care because… we’re not sure yet. They could have a valid reason, they could just be being nosey farts because that seems to be what grandparents, aunts and parents do best here.
  2. I think it’s because of the privacy issue I mentioned, what with not wanting to live in a zoo and all.
  3. Because real estate and money are communal objects in family units here. Your family is not a loving, supportive group of people who will always have your back, they’re your bank and property pool.
    4.See 2.

#31

I would compromize, and use it to get my own personal living space.

First of all - curtains, I had some made recently for my rented house, and it was not expensive. Get them into measure when you wife is out - repeat when hanging them up.

If she complains, promise to take them to the cleaner every other year.


#32

Another good thing besides the curtains is to buy a small tv and put it downstairs with a simple couch/table. when the inlaws come over, they just want to hang out there anyways and shoot the shit. when they are not there, just live normally upstairs. besides, do you really want your child(children) running around on the first floor??? in laws are used to having the living room on the first floor anyways, can’t teach an old dog new tricks. this way, you still got your way and they have a talking area when they come over, which won’t happen much. i have a house which has more than enough room to accommodate in laws and we go over there more often than they visit us.older generation likes their own digs. it’s their comfort zone. my parents are the same back home.


#33

Is the kitchen downstairs? Maybe it will be easier for your wife to cook and have the baby in the living room on the same floor. She spends most of the time in the house, her family owns the house. Move the living room downstairs and then get your own TV and comfy chair and place it where you want. Seeing that you didn’t have to buy a house, and you’re saving on rent, you can spend some money on making a comfy spot for yourself.

This is not about having balls or not. You are getting something from them, you need to give back!


#34

Something along those lines was my first reaction to the dilemma.

Does that mean, they don’t come up to the 2nd floor? Then, I would imagine, if they having nothing downstairs this may be one of the reasons they want a living room on the 1st floor.

If they don’t live their at all, then just create something simple downstairs.

From my POV it sounds like a sweet situation, depending on how you handle it.

Not necessarily, mate. Look, you have this going for you:

  1. Her parents like you enough to let you marry their daughter.
  2. Although most here won’t agree, they’re even happy to have you in their home.

Now, your only issue is living room? First or second floor? Now, I get your issue with being stared at and having it down there and having passing mouth breathers gaping at the “foreign monkey” in the living room. But I can only offer what I would do, from my POV with the girl I love and her parents.
If I was in a similar situation I would:

  1. Sure, honey, let’s move the living room downstairs (it has nothing to do with growing a pair, or whatever, you’re taking stress off your wife, making her parents happy, and ensuring a happy stress free home).
  2. If you feel odd sitting downstairs with “starers”, then like suggested above, make some personal space available on the second floor.
    That actually kills two birds with one stone. One, they’re happy with the arrangement as per their request, and two, if you don’t feel like “family time” or being ogled by pedestrians, you have your sanctuary and peace upstairs.

Again, this is just what I would do.

[quote=“Indiana”][quote=“Rabidpie”]
I would just do whatever they want me to do if it’s not too much trouble. After all, if its not my house I’m living I’d obey even if the owners are not there.[/quote]

That’s the first step to a life of being walked all over. :frowning:[/quote]
Maybe in the West. Here, I don’t agree. Kicking his heels in over this is the first step in a sliding slope leading to much worse things. Choose your battles. This is not one to go on about as the situation can very easily be turned into a huge advantage to the OP.


#35

[quote=“TainanCowboy”][quote=“Okami”]In laws don’t live with us nor come over at all. Which I’m very grateful for. :pray:
It’s their place, was rotting down, they fixed it up and we moved down here and pay no rent which allows my wife to be a stay-at-home mom. I talked with the wife today and got an answer I should of expected when i tried to bend a little. I said we can out the living room downstairs, but I want curtains. She said they are hard to wash and no one will look in anyway. So as it stands, this is going to be escalated. :cry:[/quote]OKI -
Here this is for your testicles…
[/quote]
Oh yes, because compromising with other people who either a) live in the house and have just as much say as you do or b) own the house, is the same as having no testicles. :unamused:
I agree the in laws shouldn’t get in your business, but if you’re not paying rent :whistle:
It seems like this whole problem could be solved by everyone listing their reasons, and then the best reasons would get the most weight and you could make a decision from there. Am I being too simplistic?
Your reasons for wanting it upstairs seem pretty damn reasonable (I’d add traffic noise to the list) Why do the other folks want it downstairs?


#36

A quick point: You guys are acting like their is a rational decision making process with my In-laws. I have never really seen that be the case in Taiwan. :wink:

The shoji doors were request no.2, but didn’t matter because the curtain request got refused.

Our bedroom acts as our living room. I understand my wife’s point that she wants the bedroom back to being just a bedroom. She doesn’t clean those curtains as it is, so…

[quote=“tsukinodeynatsu”]If they’re not living in that house, why do they want the living room on the first floor anyway?[/quote]Don’t give rational characteristics to irrational people. best damn advice given to me in Taiwan along with the response to my query, “What were they thinking?” “Who says they were thinking?”

[quote=“Rabidpie”]Why do the parents-in-law care?
Why is it a big deal to move it anyways?
Why is he using their home?
Why are the curtains a big issue?[/quote]I have no idea, I think so it looks lived in. I have all my project stuff down there. They think I should move it to the 4th fl. Which is just nuts. I don’t want to be stared at anymore than I already am. They want the 1st floor turned into a living room like everyone else does. We moved here so my wife wouldn’t have to work and could be a stay-at-home mom. I don’t know why the curtains are an issue.

I already have a computer room on the 3rd floor with a kids space for them to play. My daughter has her Ipad and will soon be getting a computer. Their bedroom is also on the 3rd fl. My son is too little yet to be trusted outside of a room.

Tsuki, you have some great posts and seem like a really good person. Marriage, however, is probably going to be a whole new level for you like it was for me. Kill that short permed hair demon now affectionately referred to as your future MiL. Trust me, it’s for the best, I’ll hold her down for you.

@Battery9
The kitchen is downstairs, but the idea of my MiL actually coming over and cooking in the house is a game breaker for me and would immediately lead to a divorce/separation/moving. I’ve seen her kitchen and fridge, not only no, F$%#ING HELL NO!!! :raspberry:

I’d love to put a play area downstairs and that’s probably what will be done on my time. My biggest fear is that the family starts hanging out at my house on the weekends thereby causing the one time I have to be with just my family with relative peace and quiet to go all to shit as I have to deal with screaming/arguing kids again. They already like my cooking better than MiL’s, I don’t want them to like to stay at my house more too.

I honestly know that the 1st floor is going to become a living room of some sorts. It all depends on how other things go. I dislike it because there is no natural sunlight like in our bed/living room. I also don’t want to have to buy yet another AC. There are so many other things I’d like to do to the house to make it more livable, but can’t or am unable to find the people who can do it.


#37

Well, in that case I’d have to side with your wife on this one. Everything except the curtains. Why would she want to have a living room and bedroom share the same space? I did it myself for a few months with no other options, but it is far from ideal, especially if you have guests over.


#38

OKI -
Another idea - do what many others do here re: their ground or 1st floor - Turn it into a ‘garage’ type space.
Park your vehicles in it. Bicyles, 'scooters, auto, skateboard…whatever transport you have - put it in there.
(You have to make sure you also block the outside walkway as much as possible)
It sounds like the arrangements you have in place now are excellent for your needs.

NTLTt -
Glad you agree about the “man purse”…but I was being a bit light-hearted in my suggestion. OKI is dealing with something that will have rather long term effects on his familial relations and status in the group.


#39

Well, in that case I’d have to side with your wife on this one. Everything except the curtains. Why would she want to have a living room and bedroom share the same space? I did it myself for a few months with no other options, but it is far from ideal, especially if you have guests over.[/quote]

I would have to agree too. But that doesn’t mean that you can’t have two living spaces…maybe keep the bedroom living area as well as one on the first floor. That way if the in-laws start spending too much time at your place, you can still use the bedroom as a sanity space.

I feel for you. As much as my husband and I both love and adore our own and each other’s families, being in a third country away from all of them has its perks. It would be hard living in the same town if they were particularly fond of spending lots of time at our home.


#40

Open a metalworking business on the first floor.