Concentrate on hobbies and genuine interests. Unless what the OP wants is a short-term f*ckbuddy, probably a one-nighter.
But what the hell do I know, I’m only a woman. Obviously I would never see through all the other stupid stuff being proposed.
It all depends on what the OP really wants. If he goes for shallow/unable to think for herself/unable to see through thin pretenses, that’s what he’ll get.
I know a lot of people are saying hobbies and interests, which is important. But I had plenty of hobbies and I’m a passionate athlete all my life. It’s not the root of his problem. He seems to lack the ability to interact socially, gain rapport and attract people.
Or he could be just plus size (too muscular or …). People can be overtly superficial here, and if he’s also picky. So yeah, someone take him out and understand his true problem. Too much guessing here.
OP may not have the issue of interacting socially if he and the girl had something in common to talk about with the girl. Right?
However, we can speculate all we want, but it seems like OP won’t be back too soon because he’s has been away from thread for almost a week now.
OP may not have the issue of interacting socially if he and the girl had something in common to talk about with the girl. Right?
However, we can speculate all we want, but it seems like OP won’t be back too soon because he’s has been away from thread for almost a week now.[/quote]
No, having a common interest can build friendships, but it seems like women don’t see him sexually at all. If he can’t build sexual tension and be seen as more than a friend, you can be interested in all the same things and watch her get fucked by the next guy who has nothing in common with her.
I don’t think your background is putting you at a disadvantage. In fact, it should plus points. Traveled and seen other parts of the world? Those are pluses. Honestly, it could be your physical appearance. I don’t want to sound harsh, but if you’re not an attractive guy, short, balding, or have a bad complexion, you’re at a disadvantage from the get go and strangers will probably not respond to date requests. You sound like a nice dude so if you’re able to get to know someone first and they get to know you and your likeable (hopefully) personality, then physical appearance plays a smaller role. If you’re funny, even better. Funny guys pull chicks.
Anyways what are your hobbies? Perhaps join a club and don’t go looking too hard. In my experience, you never find love when you’re looking for it. It always comes unexpectedly.
Be someone you would like to have as a bud and go from there. Get yourself cleaned up best you can, look smart, be someone worth knowing ! And let the girl come to you. YOu wont want the ones you have to chase anyways. They will eventually be a heart ache for you.
While I agree with Tommy, I was thinking about how we also tend to treasure things we have to work for more.
While I agree with Tommy, I was thinking about how we also tend to treasure things we have to work for more.[/quote]
That is true to a large extent. But after many years in the trenches of love i have come to the conclusion that it is better to be loved then to love 
Less heartache and headache. In other words learn to love those that already at least LIKE you. Rather then love an illusion or a shadow of affection.
But more on point ask yourself “would you love you” , “what is good about you that someone else would love”, “would you choose YOU to date, to hang out with”
Besides if you end up with too much “success” you may put out threads about getting STDs checked and wanting to up your libido.
Max your attributes and minimize your minuses.
[quote=“Andrew0409”]
but it seems like women don’t see him sexually at all. [/quote]
We can assume all we want, but we’ll never know what his problem is, will we?
Basically we is dealing with the 40 y/o virgin here. In that movie it was emphatically proved that leading horses to water doesn’t work. The guy is probably terminally uncool, there’s no cure for that except finding a girl equally uncool.
Honestly, I have no clue how to pick up girls at clubs, pubs or festivals either. Maybe some people just aren’t comfortable in those types of situations, or girls who go to those types of places aren’t exactly looking for people like us.
My solution is to find new things and new places outside of your usual routine and comfort zone to go and do that you would enjoy. Do group activities where you’d have a chance to interact with strangers your same age. Go on trips on your own, or with a few buddies. Go on a kayaking group tour on the east coast or something like that. I tend to find it easier to mingle with people I met for the first time in those settings. Compared to not know what to do in a bar or club, and generally not having fun, but forcing yourself to go only for the sake of meeting friends, it’s like a 100% improvement.
That’s just me though.
Seriously…
Negative aura only attracts negative ones.
Do what you comfortable at, and by chance, you’ll meet someone there.
If you are an active sportsman, don’t try to get girls from library.
The girls will notice your awkwardness with books.
If you can’t handle car traffic because of chronic car-sick, don’t try to impress her by going around town with car.
You’re gonna get car-sick and possibly puke which never gonna impress the girl.
Go ride a bike on bike path instead.
If you can’t handle summer outdoor activity, don’t go out on mid daylight in Taipei’s summer.
You’re gonna get heatstroke and surely won’t impress her.
Try cafe instead.
I don’t think local scene of bar/nightclubs are good to get girls for a typical man.
Unless of course, you look strikingly un-local.
Being a typical Asian without Chinese skills, I usually have difficulties even getting interaction with any person in the club (m/f/local/foreign).
Some of my successful ask-a-girl-to-go-out invitations in Taiwan.
- Free tickets for a football game (better be a decent game in a real stadium, not some crappy highschoolers play kicks)
I think it works for musical concert or other more upscale event as well. But you need to spend (first) for this one, by buying the tickets. - Hiking (don’t ever try this on summer!)
- If the girl is a local, you could pretend have no clue about Chinese, and ask her for a help dealing with things that need to be done using Chinese… say making a visa photo for applying US-visa in one of the local photo shops.
- Foreign girl more complicated, but bit flirty jokes comes handy when trying to get attention from social media.
- I can’t help you with feminists, though. They are the toughest nut to crack, usually ends with them making bad words at me.
[quote=“hansioux”]Honestly, I have no clue how to pick up girls at clubs, pubs or festivals either. Maybe some people just aren’t comfortable in those types of situations, or girls who go to those types of places aren’t exactly looking for people like us.
My solution is to find new things and new places outside of your usual routine and comfort zone to go and do that you would enjoy. Do group activities where you’d have a chance to interact with strangers your same age. Go on trips on your own, or with a few buddies. Go on a kayaking group tour on the east coast or something like that. I tend to find it easier to mingle with people I met for the first time in those settings. Compared to not know what to do in a bar or club, and generally not having fun, but forcing yourself to go only for the sake of meeting friends, it’s like a 100% improvement.
That’s just me though.[/quote]
Hansioux for the win!
This is what works for me too. I hate being in high pressure situations where I have to decide immediately whether I’m going to get romantic with someone before I know them well. Joining activities like the ones Hansioux mentioned help me to get to know people, get to know how we work together while doing an activity, and allow that delicious attraction to build before putting any pressure on one of us to make a move (or reject a move). I also think it’s a better way to meet someone for a long-term thing.
[quote=“Purple Heart”]You’re trying too hard and are probably coming across as desperate (which you admit you are).
Take a step back and try to look at your happiness like a hierarhcy.
Step 1, do you have a good and secure place to live? Yes
Step 2, are you in a decent job/education path right now? Well, almost. Quit my job at a private school and is moving on to a new job.
Step 3, do you have varied and interesting hobbies that you actively participate in? I work out regularly besides my sport of boxing. Are there even boxing in taiwan? Competition?
Step 4, do you have any friends in your area? (Step 2 can help with this) Nope. Not the slightest clue on even how to meet anybudy
Then finally when you have your shit together, can you think about Step 5 and meeting a girl.
You’re placing your entire happiness in the fate of women, which is wrong. I am married now but that doesn’t mean that I stopped having hobbies, friends etc, because meeting a girl isn’t the be all and end all.[/quote]
Sure mate. Appreciate the feedback.
[quote=“headhonchoII”]He could also have a giant wart on the end of his nose and fondness for oversized horn rimmed glasses. Or it could be body odour.
Sometimes you got to give people the straight answer. I once had a first and only date with a hot French chick whose breath STANK of garlic. That shit can work in France or Taiwan but not where I"m from. Game over. :ohreally:
Only kidding with ya OP…but seriously you need to work all the angle get somebody to help ya out with a makeover.[/quote]
Holy shit… that’s funny. anyway you’ve made my day.
miew miew
[quote=“RickRooney”]agree with andrew, think you need to learn game or how to be a pickup artist or something like that. although I think those guys are pretty lame and have a ton of issues, it seems good for people who are completely useless with women to at least learn some basics.
I don’t think you are going to get much help from here. seems you need specific attention.[/quote]
i m not expecting much help from here: over the internet, where people can’t even see each other. The point is the forum is at least a good place to find some decent advice that would otherwise be impossible to obtain from workplace, real life etc. Especially people tend to speak their mind when on the internet so i assume.
[quote=“Andrew0409”][quote=“RickRooney”]agree with andrew, think you need to learn game or how to be a pickup artist or something like that. although I think those guys are pretty lame and have a ton of issues, it seems good for people who are completely useless with women to at least learn some basics.
I don’t think you are going to get much help from here. seems you need specific attention.[/quote]
I’m not by any means a pick up artist, and I’m not going to teach you just so you can go out and pick up women and get laid. What I’m offering is how to be a better man that will attract not just women, but people around you. If you to make a change in your life, I’m willing to help. It’s really hard to help you without seeing you and what you do in real life. And I don’t have time to write a novel on it.[/quote]
Think he’s right. I am not about to try and get laid but the thing is how do you meet people and establish a social circle of your own here? Most of the time, I only have male friends while females often comes in short supply. I once listen to a friend who suggest me to look up on dating site only to get fed up with transexuals disguised as women, yak.