We think the time is right, but I am not sure of the culture here. Are there any customs I must do?
On a side note, does anyone have any advice on how to make ease her parents concerns about her moving to USA with me?
Thank you!
i don’t envy u
[quote=“mister4to1”]We think the time is right, but I am not sure of the culture here. Are there any customs I must do?
On a side note, does anyone have any advice on how to make ease her parents concerns about her moving to USA with me?
Thank you![/quote]
To show you are serious and a good potential mate with the ability to provide for their daughter, bring NTD 2,000,000 for the “bride price”.
Tell her parents you will prepare a room for them so they can visit anytime they want. Also, make sure you are moving to a “safe” neighborhood. If you can show them crime statistics for the city you are moving to, perhaps that may help.
Seranade the whole family with a song symbolizing your love.
I’d recommend asking your girlfriend for advice, as she knows her parents best.
[quote=“mister4to1”]We think the time is right, but I am not sure of the culture here. Are there any customs I must do?
On a side note, does anyone have any advice on how to make ease her parents concerns about her moving to USA with me?
Thank you![/quote]
You should not care about the local culture or the approval of the parents in law. If the two of you feel this is the right time and you both intend on moving to the United States, there is nothing the parents in law can do or say to stop this from happening. So make sure you two have the financial means to do it without support. Ultimately there is nothing reasonable you can do to ease your in-laws’ concerns. Do not give them bride money!
[quote=“hsinhai78”][quote=“mister4to1”]We think the time is right, but I am not sure of the culture here. Are there any customs I must do?
On a side note, does anyone have any advice on how to make ease her parents concerns about her moving to USA with me?
Thank you![/quote]
You should not care about the local culture or the approval of the parents in law. If the two of you feel this is the right time and you both intend on moving to the United States, there is nothing the parents in law can do or say to stop this from happening. So make sure you two have the financial means to do it without support. Ultimately there is nothing reasonable you can do to ease your in-laws’ concerns. Do not give them bride money![/quote]
OP, you possibly came to the wrong place to ask this because you’ll get about 90% smirky replies, but hsinhai78 has the right advice about the situation.
I’ve read enough threads and replies here to know that you shouldn’t need the approval of your future in-laws to marry their daughter. You have to ask yourself, if they disapprove, are the two of you just going to call it off and go your separate ways?
Key is not needing their support financially because if you do, then you’ll just marry into their family and also inherit their issues because the parents think they own you since they have paid for your wedding, house, car, dog, cat or curved TV.
Hopefully you get lucky as I, and her parents dont give a fly fuck about traditions and all that.
Didnt pay a dowry, though my parents were convinced that would part of the deal… it was never ever even brought up, and if it is to you… Audi5000 out of there.
Parents are looking at you for compensation… f’that.
East vrs. West. expect issues on paying for wedding possibly. Her dad should, really.
If you meet resistance and still want to go through with it…
HERE is the big bull in the china shop issue:
get your greencard issues straightened out now… start your I-130 and g-325 NOW here, since its way cheaper and faster. IF you do this in the USA… she cannot work… legally until her paperwork is complete. Can you handle 1 income in the USA?
BTW, you do know that it is technically a 10-year contract with the US government that you can afford to support this woman… if shit goes south and she drops you… guess what… she stays in the USA on your dime… YOU are paying her welfare not the USA government.
Thats if you make it through that whole process. Dont mean to scare you but these are facts.
I had my wedding here, it was way cheaper than in the USA… though your opinion about how much and how important this day is may vary. For us… me and my wife… we both agreed it was just to make other people happy. We are madly in love. Good luck, again, just hope her family is sane.
Expect the worst, hope for the best.
I showed her father the ring and spoke my intentions… just basically explained it as to her father “I am going to be around for the rest of your life… if you dont want me around you / your daughter you need to speak up now or we will both be miserable…” to her dad.
He said “doesnt matter you two love each other thats all that matters.” I didnt have to explain my earning potential, or pie charts, and give references. Unless he is a real asshole, he will just get it and accept it. If he really does say “Nope” to you… do you really NEED his approval?
His own personal experience was his wife - her family was bat shit crazy with the traditions and fortune tellers and all that… and he got pissed off about it and could relate to me. Guy is a bro. Good luck.
Not everyone in Taiwan follows the same customs. Some still want money/dowry, some don’t. A key point is to show that you have the means to support her. Better just leave it up to the girl to give you advice on how to manage, and then maybe add some of you own culture into the mix.
It’s not really part of the culture to ask the parents. Many Taiwanese these days do the marriage paperwork first and then notify others (including parents) months, sometimes years later and then start planning the wedding dinner to make notice to the public.
Dowries and bride-prices aren’t part of traditional Chinese culture anyway.
My wife and I notified her parents about our intention of getting married about a year earlier than we actually did.
We actually didn’t go begging for their approval, it was more of a “I’m telling you first out of respect, but we’re going forward with it anyways”. There was few things they could do, my mother-in-law asked for us to be married here first, then do the ceremony in Spain, and we agreed (we had to do both, eventually, so the order didn’t matter much for us). Plus, we had been living together for a while and they knew it, so in fact they were expecting us to get married.
Of course, we had met and been living abroad, and we have to came to Taiwan to live together, which was the opposite situation, but we also told them that at some point, our intention would be to go back to Spain, because both my wife and I think that living in Barcelona beats anywhere in Taiwan (although she had to work for a Taiwanese company to realize that).
[quote=“tango42”]
It’s not really part of the culture to ask the parents. Many Taiwanese these days do the marriage paperwork first and then notify others (including parents) months, sometimes years later and then start planning the wedding dinner to make notice to the public.[/quote]
You are right, to me a Taiwanese wedding really isnt nothing special when a majority simply move in with their parents right after they get married… which blows my mind. So why bother seeking any approval, when you are going to be roommates anyway.
I guess if you are going across the world away from here with their daughter you should get their approval. Since you technically wont be around to support their costly bills? As I see this as the only reason to move back in with mom & dad - to save money for all.
good luck in getting the visa from the parent