[quote=“gretel”]I believe locals know that staring is not nice but yes it is often incredulity that does it. I’ve had ‘evil glares’ and other blatant hostility aswell tg. I was alone in some hot springs in Maolin and I was told to go back where I came from by some local yuppies who then proceeded to tell me how pretty I was after I told them where I came from I learnt Chinese! The other day I was leaning against a column outside a department store munching away on a mcchicken waiting to meet some friends. This man and a couple of women walked past and the man continued staring at me over his shoulder with a look of scorn on his face. He said something to his sister/girlfriend and she turned her head around to have a look too. Mind you, they were all walking in the opposite direction, walking without watching where they were going, so they could have a good stare. It was the scorn that got to me. It was not innocent curiosity. I stared back and shrugged at him. Finally when they were about 30 meters away, he called out “ta hen e!” It was a criticism. This complete stranger took issue with me eating in public. If I hadn’t been a foreign woman?
At a bar I was alone again waiting for my friends and the bitchy xioajies behind the bar starting talking about how ugly and dirty I was. Not impressed, dude. You know what I have noticed over time, though? I have been treated with more respect when I have company with me - especially a bunch of fellow Westerners. Alone and without support, it seems I am a like a bad post or something just waiting to be torn to shreds. Alone, your every move is scrutinised and a wrong move or a single ungraceful gesture is eagerly anticipated so that you can be mocked and put down. It’s not in my head. With a friend or two, the same people who are waiting to see you be humiliated are completely different people who are all smiles and compliments. In other words, I’ve met people who ARE out to get you!
These are just the worst experiences I 've had, though… PM me for a bunch of amazing ones to make up for them!
I agree about the discrepancy between what we are told about the friendliness of the locals and how friendly they really are. In my experience people are most friendly (my definition of friendly is: not looking for flaws and mistakes and failure to conform to the same standard of politeness/manners) when you are not alone.
Other staring situations that get to you on a bad day: At the lights, people stare at you through their or your side mirrors. For some reason, this method is one that particularly bothers me. In public places, people spot you and then turn around to walk past you again to have another look, or pretend they’re staring at something behind you. Most of it’s all in good fun though.[/quote]
I’ve found that the staring thing is very easy to take when you are with a couple of other foreigners, you can laugh and joke and share the attention together and its not intimidating. However if you are on your own and maybe minding your own business daydreaming and some obasan or little shits start interfering or shouting hello on their scooters as they go past this can be very annoying. I am only one of two white guys working in a massive office complex in Taipei. I rarely get stared at , the reason, because the people that work there are well educated and well travelled and understand it can be intimidating sometimes when you are the only obivous minority. I noticed the only other foreigner there a cafe last week. What was most striking is that he kind of faced his chair towards a pillar so nobody could see his face. I actually do the same thing if I’m having a coffee on my own sometime so I can have some privacy without people gawking at me. Of course I was guilty of staring at the only other foreigner a little too!!! Irony.
Anyway most of my coworkers are also cool with me and only remark in their kind of farmer way that my face looks really red today or I look kind of sick or fatter etc…but I don’t really mind that at all. I can understand that many of them would be quite interested to figure out what country we are from etc. and what the hell we are doing here and how is the life here etc. Some of others wouldn’t give a rats arse which is fine too.
Everybody has a certain threshold that they can take of staring and what I would better call ‘privacy interference’. Myself, I would find it very difficult to live in Tainan cos my threshold is low and I would end up having it out with machete wielding scooter punks.
For instance, if you have to take a crowded train or subway for a half an hour, a crowded bus for another 20 minutes this could reach close to the limit for some people. If they have a stressful or ‘people’ job on top of that it can push people to the edge. For other people it’s fine. For me one of the reasons I like to ride a scooter is because I become anonymous under my helmet and join the masses easily.
Taiwanese dont just do the staring thing to foreigners. There are tonnes of dirty old men out there who do it openly on the subway all the time, often with their middle aged wife sitting beside them. They are never shamefaced about it even when it causes a lot of discomfort for the girls.
Interestingly when I was in Milan recently I took the subway there. There was a chinese couple sitting beside me. Some old woman stared at the girl from head to shoulder for 15 minutes. So it can really go both ways sometimes. One of the delights of the trip was being able to sit in a cafe and feel like I wasn’t the object of attention from surrounding tables (which is often inevitable if you are a single foreigner in a restaurant or cafe here).
As for Sandman’s point about staring not being unfriendly. I find it decidedly rude AND unfriendly if the staring continues for some time after the first initial look. Unfriendly in my book is making someone feeling uncomfortable and continuing to do this while being aware of it.
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(I didn’t see my first Asian until I left home to join the army…and no, I didn’t stare when I did…I had learned my lesson well by then)