The Hell This Expat Has Been Through... Divorce and Custody

My name is Michael Brown, a ten-year expat here in K-town, and my life has been a living hell for two years-plus. I’m over a million NT in the hole so far, I’ve made over 400 documents to get translated for the Courts, and I am not giving up on keeping my children in my life to some degree or another.

I am a good/great father, and I love my children with all of my heart. I want everyone to know that, especially because of the accusations against me–allegations I was recently told are still being thrown around even publicly.

Recently, someone told me that more allegations were made against me, publicly, allegations which are unfounded, unfair, and ridiculously wrong.
I am writing this to defend myself. There is no attack here. There is no libel nor slander. I am only defending my reputation by stating the following allegations against me are completely untrue.

I have never perpetrated any of the following accusations. They are unfounded, absurd, and incredibly hurtful:

  1. I have never put my hands around my daughter’s neck to attempt to strangle her. Never. Any such claim hurts me beyond compare–even when I know the allegation are 1,000% false. If such accusations were true, why do my children stay with me two weekends each month at my house?

  2. I have never hit my daughter in the head so that my son went home to talk about it. Never. If such accusations were true, why do my children stay with me two weekends each month at my house?

  3. I have never beaten my children. Never. If such accusations were true, why do my children stay with me two weekends each month at my house?

  4. I have never threatened my children with violence at my home so that they only smile when they run to me on the weekend pick-ups (all videotaped), when they come to my house for two days. The children run to me or smile or kiss me on the cheek or hug me because they love me–not because I threaten to beat them if they don’t. If such accusations were true, why do my children stay with me two weekends each month at my house?

  5. I have never threatened to beat my children so that they only smile on videos I take of them when they are with me on the weekends. They smile, laugh, giggle, dance, etc., because they love me. Hundreds of videos reveal and prove that love, just as families take videos of outings, in general. There is no falsehood to my videos of the children, no coaching, no brainwashing. Never. If such accusations were true, why do my children stay with me two weekends each month at my house?

  6. I have never had parties at my house when the kids were there, which allegedly caused the kids to go back crying, because they were so tired because of lack of sleep and that they didn’t get food.

  7. I have never had sex with woman while with the children present, nor had woman sleeping at my house, with the children there–so that they awoke and were confused why I had women there at my house. Never.

  8. I have never taken my children on romantic outings with my alleged affairs. There were no affairs and the children were never placed in such a situation.

  9. I have never made anyone in my family fear me. Never.

  10. I have never told the children not to like seafood nor to not eat beans or anything like that. There is absolutely no allegation about me regarding food and the children that is accurate. Trying to paint me as a bad father is absurd. I have emails from the same accusers, which state I am an “excellent father”.

  11. I have never left my children “frightened and crying” and “shivering in the corner”. How could a man who made the children allegedly “shiver in the corner” be labelled as a great father in private emails to my family and friends, just a few days and weeks after separation (emails AFTER the accusations)?!?!

  12. I have never shown favoritism to my daughter so that my son feels neglected. I love both my children with all of my heart, fully.

  13. I never neglected to visit my mother on her deathbed because I “wanted to spend more time” in other US states traveling, first, on my 2013 trip to America. That accusation hurts. Even though totally wrong, that hurts. My mother dying of cancer two years ago should never have entered court documents, especially with such a claim. NOBODY IN MY FAMILY KNEW THAT SHE WAS ON HER DEATHBED. NOBODY KNEW HER STATE WAS SO GRAVE.

  14. I never abandoned my children. Never. Abandonment does not include having the children at my house every M/W/F night and on Sundays immediately upon moving into a new two-bedroom apartment, specifically rented to have them at my house, on shared time scheduling. Nobody who abandons children asks for shared custody from the start (and sole custody after…).

  15. I have NEVER threatened to take my children back to America. In fact, I have email exchanges to prove that for years I told my family I’d always stay in Taiwan even if my marriage faltered.

  16. I never neglected to pay for my children. I have proof of all.

  17. I have never stolen money. Never. I do not owe money. Nothing at all. And, in fact, I have evidence on the contrary.

  18. My family in America does NOT include known/convicted pedophiles, and such accusations against my family (who ALL are seen with my ex in photos as having great visits in 2007, 2009 and 2013) and there is NO reason my children should not be able to visit those same people. They have a right to both cultures and families.

I could continue this list of false allegations and absurd accusations AGAINST me and my family. Suffice it to say, my defense against these allegations is my right, even publicly. I have not attacked anyone by doing so. There are no lies here and I am not fabricating anything. I am purely stating what accusations are wrong, totally.

I have NOT brought accusations, real nor fabricated, against anyone. Everything above is to defend myself.

My children mean the world to me. Emails from the past, upon separation, state, “The children are your life.” That is still the whole truth. Undoubtedly. I have been fighting to be in their lives ever since that accurate email. Another email to my Aunt stated “He is a great father to the children, and I respect that", as did emails sent to my good friend in America around the same time. Those emails are STILL the truth. No accusation since is accurate nor real.

A month after separation, in a recorded conversation, I was told that "the best caregivers for the children include… you, Michael” (there were only four people on the list). Nothing has changed except the ridiculous accusations against me since.

I am Michael Brown, and I am a good/great father. I have evidence to prove it.

[This posting will most likely result in an attempted volley of “explanations”. I am comfortable with hearing out anyone in response. I have evidence to defend the accusations. I feel comfortable and confident in doing so.]

[For those expats interested in how the process has gone, going through all in a foreign country, I can share this: 1) a professional interpreting service told me via email when I asked why she’d altered my document and omitted sections in her translations, “I left out that paragraph from your document because in Taiwan, grandparents will…”, i.e., a professional translator CHANGED my document because of her cultural differences and biased blinders, 2) a social worker’s report stated, “the mother should get custody to protect the children from the influence of language and culture,” (even though my children are bicultural, biracial, bilingual), 3) a face-to-face interpreter changed my answers in a meeting with social services from “I don’t think so,” to “He doesn’t know,” completely changing the meaning of my answers, 4) and a woman assigned to investigate the parents said, “You are not a good father, you show no insight into being a good parent, you’re not capable, you never want to change, and you always think you’re right.” Her report came after a FIVE-MINUTE observation of me and my two children in their room and a letter she read that I wrote my children, a letter my family said made them cry! The system here is pure, utter travesty.]

I actually, kind of, read through this. As an individual who’ve experienced something similar, I can only say hang-in-there man. Though I don’t know who’s telling the truth here, I’d say I can totally understand. You’re here by yourself. It’s not your word against your wife or her family. It’s your word against the culture, or against those who rather take her side instead of a male, more dominant, foreigner. It’s you against malicious gossips that the community rather take as true. My claim? Taiwanese media. People here are willing to believe anything, especially the more propaganda and drama it causes, until proven otherwise. And they’ll do anything to make it their business or to stir up more drama. My conclusion? Guilty until proven innocent, not otherwise. At least, you were able to find out what allegations were made against you.

Most of the time it’s about who has the more guanxi and not who’s right. It sucks. Not all locals are blind and it’s about finding them. Simply putting it, you’re kind of being bullied man. I can understand the frustration here. Surely, if you’ve been here 10 years, there are friends who can defend you in court?

Good post abovik.

If the OP’s grievances are valid, that’s a terrible level of bitterness to stoop to by his partner and/or in-laws. Whatever, it’s just a sad post. It would be great if he has people here who can stand up for him and disprove the things that are being claimed. Still, I’ve known long-termers here who just don’t know that many people anymore. Folk move back home, work and family can combine to take up much of a man’s time.

I hope things can start to turn around here.

Great examples of why language skills and second opinions are important! You can also be misled by the government’s shoddy translations of its own laws and regulations. Sometimes they’re perfect, sometimes they’re Chinglish but still comprehensible, sometimes they’re crap, and sometimes they’re non-existent.

(Btw I’m not suggesting the mistranslations are your fault. Even after 10 years, you can’t be expected to have reached native speaker level, let alone native reader level. The only advice I can offer is, as Warren Buffet would say, “If you don’t know jewelery, know the jeweler.”)

Good luck!

OP, as you have nothing to prove to anyone here- I guess that you are saying what you are saying here because it is therapeutic, a way to get things off your chest and make sense of your senseless situation. I know because I did a similar things when I was in a similar position to you. It´s Taiwan- flinging lies and accusations is often an effective way of winning a custody case. But if it makes you feel any better, and it probably won´t, you would have lost the case even without the accusations, you´re a foreign father and that´s enough. whatever your lawyers may tell you just before they bill you for the next tranch of their services.

It´s a kind of Kafkaesque nightmare which is enough to send any sane person over the edge. I was close to that. The way forward is to let go of the fight, you will never win through the courts, and if you want to try to maintain contact with your children then this is done by making peace with the mother, channeling your angry energy at her for the lies that she has told into something that can dissipate it. For me this was scuba diving and it literally saved my life. And then use any leverage that you may have (and this usually means offering money) to try to encourage her to allow you contact with the children.

Good luck. It´s a living hell, I have been through it, and time is a healer but a very slow one.

Three years ago I had a South African friend who was going through similar situation (ex-wife from hell and a child) and back in his hometown he had a lawyer uncle, a very cunning one. His uncle helped him by issuing a (fake) document stating that my friend’s aunt had left him $$$ after her death. My friend showed the document to one of his (and his ex) taiwanese common friend. The ex proceeded then to dismiss all the false accusations and requested a joint custody and all. She pulled all the stops right away. My SA friend just took the child and went back to South Africa. Now he is fighting for total custody of his child there.

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I appreciate the dialogue and ideas shared here…

All the best to the OP, I have read through most and I wish the OP the strength to succeed. He will have it I am sure.

If someone knocks me off here, then I’m done. And only then will I give up on my kids.

Yes, indeed, living hell.

Undoubtedly a correct summation about fees the lawyers collect. Paid up front for $80,000nt, for example, they don’t need to work a lick of time afterwards. For $80,000 up front, say a lawyer works ten hours for a client: $8,000nt/hour rate. Another ten hours of work if the client needs is going to be met begrudgingly because that hourly rate is now coming down again. Another 10 hours of assistance the client needs? You tell me… whose doing more work? What if the court process goes on and on, like the two years I’ve had? Take an assumed 40 hours of total work needed to help someone like me… and you can see that an hourly rate becomes a pittance for them, i.e., who is going the extra mile?

Maybe SCUBA is to be my out, too?