Unreasonable (or reasonable??) Financial Expectations


#21

I think you should of not married her, you broke up with her because of this reason and you can see she acts like a child. Doesn’t contribute, wastes her money, gets upset when you want to sort out the matter.

How old are you and your wife?


#22

Shes obviously got these notions from her upbringing and some peers.
I have known quite a few women like this in Taiwan, quite common actually. The dowry, ‘buying’ the woman , providing the house, car etc.
Still common requests from families. They reinforce each other’s views and therefore it becomes normalised.

But what is not acceptable is her abusing you like this.
Lay it out on paper and have a non emotional discussion. She has to contribute a certain percentage and that’s it. If she doesn’t agree there is nothing you can do your views are incompatible and you will be unhappy.

I guess there is a kid involved which rushed the marriage decision . You tried your best.


#23

I had the cake and eat it too mentality explained to me once. It went something like this: “During the day I want equality but at night I want to be treated like a lady.”

Unfortunately the only solution is the nearest exit.


#24

@ OP
Is she pregnant ?
Why the marriage ?
Please clarify …


#25

If she’s pregnant, offer to pay the full price for the abortion. It’ll be worth every penny in the long run.


#26

Maybe it’s just a one off incident but I only have what he wrote to go on. I don’t think anyone that calls their husband a bitch of a man is someone that’s in a healthy relationship


#27

And it’s also possible that this story is just some literary exercise. Not that it sounds fake, but who needs to confirm that this is unfair? unless the guy wants to show this to his partner. But it’s a weird / naive thing to ask.


#28

:rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl:

You’re a good kid, but you got a LOT to learn about long-term relationships.


#29

Sometimes we need to let off steam or voice our side to willing listeners. Not all of us have family and friends here or back home who can give that kind of support. Some of us turn to this forum for that kind of support.


#30

Not everybody has a thick enough skin to take the level of abuse raccoons are accustomed to, unfortunately.


#31

Sure, but to ask if she’s being unfair is like to ask if it’s normal that water soaks.


#32

good point


#33

Sometimes when people are in abusive relationships they start to lose touch with objective reality and begin to doubt their own minds.


#38

Once thing I’ve learned living on Fantasy Island is never telegraph the answer you want because henceforth it will never be anything more than “your answer” and saying yes to it is just a form of politeness. So, for example, if you said, “After we get married I think we should split expenses 50-50. Okay?” that was just your answer and never anything more because the words never came out of the other person’s mouth.

The right way to ask is “After we get married how do you think expenses should be paid?”

If the Taiwanese person is shrewd and catches on to what you’re up to they’ll respond with, “I don’t know. What do you think?” but don’t fall for that ploy. Stick to your guns until the Taiwanese person actually says something with his or her own mouth along the lines of “I think we should split expenses 50-50” or “You’re a bitch if you think I’m paying anything.” though getting to that point may be a monumental struggle.


#41

Product of her environment. You see this selfish behavior everywhere, take the HSR or go to a Starbucks and look around you those old folks glued to their phones really don’t know how to flick the mute button or turn down the volume? That table of guys at Starbucks shouting at each other and taking loud calls on their phones, the parents who let their kids use those loud games in public places…selfish


#42

Very sorry to hear this :frowning:

My wife is Taiwanese (I’m from the UK), and currently she has a job and I am unemployed, so she pays for everything. When I make money I will contribute financially, but in the meantime I do the housework/chores/errands, etc.

A good marriage or partnership should be a team, with both parties contributing. This doesn’t have to be exactly 50-50 equal but it has to be reasonable. Your wife seems to be the definition of UNREASONABLE. Even though she makes as much as you she contributes nothing financially? Ridiculous. It sounds like she believes that part of what makes you a ‘man’ and part of what makes her a ‘woman’ relies on this incredibly out-dated view of ‘traditional’ gender roles. It’s 2018.

Now you have to work out whether you love her enough to put up with it. Good luck.


#43

Student are you? Or in between jobs?


#44

We’ve just moved to Taiwan so my wife can pursue her academic career, so I guess I’m ‘between jobs’.


#45

Come on say like it is…you’re on holiday.
Not that there’s anything wrong with that


#46

Haha! I’ve been on holiday here twice before. This time it’s for real. I live here now. The hunt for work continues…