What am I doing wrong here?

I’m glad to see someone has exactly grasped the nature of the situation, in a judgement free manner! i had given up on this thread. You’ve certainly got my vote for putting it on an exam if you’re in a position to do so! That would probably be rather socially interesting in its own right.

I’m on the brink of concluding that it is either A. I live in the wrong city (not enough English) or B. Taiwanese culture is too heavily “social circle” oriented.(again possibly that is this city? I doubt it’s so much in Taipei) Anyway, as it happens, I’m extremely busy. I just barely even have the time to GO on dates in the first place, assuming I could find them. I certainly don’t have the time to go get involved in various social gatherings, simply in the hopes of finding dates. Anyway, I am not that kind of disingenuous personality in the first place.

I DO get around, about my day, and see girls here and there. And in the States, or in Europe, or in South America, that’s all I ever needed. I see a pretty girl, I walk up to her, start a chat, and get a date a pretty fair percentage of the time. I’m not a player, I look for dates because I am an optimist, and believe any woman I see could be a potential life partner, you never know unless you say hello who you might pass by. I always dress well (many levels of magnitude above the average Taiwanese male, (no judgement, it’s just I don’t shop at the bargain bin of the local street market). I keep myself groomed, in excellent physical condition, I’m tall, blonde (only mention because so many claim this makes getting dates around here “impossibly easy”, I beg to differ!), I’ve even been approached for and even done a bit of modeling in the past, and occasionally get approached for sex (by unattractive women of course) so I have to assume I’m not terribly ugly…I can only conclude it (dating) is just obviously done a bit differently here, and I can’t figure out what that bit is :stuck_out_tongue:

can’t figure it out? how about try reading the 8 pages of discussion and common sense aimed your way.

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More like 8 sentences, at best…

It is good to see there are one or two people here who have a clue though, that’s brought me back. I assume you know who you are. The others, I wish you knew who you were and would bugger off, but for some reason I"ll waste some time on a response to you:

I’m not divulging my age, because I am not interested in the opinion of anyone foolish enough to focusing on age, as though it were a relevant issue. There are some girls who care about age being similar to their own. There are other girls who care about age having a great gap, and don’t want to date a guy anywhere within 10 years of their own age. I know a guy who is 45 (much older than me) who probably dates something like 20-30 different women aged 18-23 every YEAR, and he is CHEAP so don’t retort anything about money. Age is irrelevant back in the US and even more so here!

For the last month, I have been inundated in my personal life, and frankly I couldn’t hardly put a date anywhere in my schedule if I had one, so I stopped approaching. My normal schedule would just BARELY allow for it anyway. I own two businesses and I teach English. I go to the gym, run errands, take lessons at the University, etc. etc. I’m out there. I have inadvertently taken the idiotic advice of those claiming that simply “not trying” and waiting for the ladies to come flocking is the way to go about this. Number of conversations with beautiful women I had prior to doing that? (30 a month?) Number of conversations with beautiful women since? Zero, big shocker. There are still of course always the occasional approaches by low-quality, unattractive women, which I am sure is good enough for you guys giving that foolish advice, but not my cup of tea. I have standards. If, like those of you who mentioned this, I was a desperate guy with nothing going for me who just wanted to get tied down and start paying family expenses as soon as possible in return for regular access to mediocre sex, then I could do that tomorrow. But I’m not. Quality women do not see a guy going about his business and just run over to him and fling themselves at him. Quality women, have DOZENS of potential suitors already in their phones. Men go to them, not the other way around.

As for the advice about pitching interesting dates, in my experience, all over the world, women are not going to go off on a trip into the mountains with a guy they talked to for 15 minutes at the grocery store then chatted with a bit on the phone, in the US that would be an uncommonly adventurous woman, I have a very hard time believing that is the route I need to be taking here. Let’s get a drink, coffee, hang out at the department store, a bite to eat, boring yes but an opportunity to develop comfort in a non-threatening environment. Frankly, I don’t see any other options here in Hsinchu but I’m very interested if anyone could name some. At any rate, I seriously doubt that what’s happening is that all the Taiwanese guys asking her out are pitching such mind-blowingly cool and interesting dates that I’m failing to compete on that basis.

I don’t have anything against online dating. I’ve already sent messages to all 7 OKcupid profiles in my area, however : p I did end up going out with two of them, but I broke it off after a couple of months. Similar results on Tinder. And again, frankly, you are looking at slightly above average quality women at best here. You don’t meet quality women in bars, clubs, or usually online, but in daily interactions, generally speaking. Larger cities I know the online dating pool is big enough it’s different, but it’s very limited in Hsinchu.

Oh and for the record, I have NEVER asked for a woman’s phone number and gotten a response other than “sure! here you go.” (in Taiwan) so for those making comments about using that as some kind of a basis for judging interest, again, I can only assume you have no experience with actually dating in this country. I have literally gotten at least 100 numbers in the last 5 months or so. Numbers are meaningless. They all end up the same. One or two simple texts, a very limited, CLOSED response, then the disappearing act. Which happens all over the world of course. I’ve just never seen it happen 100% of the time anywhere except for here.

IMO after reading a lot of what you wrote, you seem arrogant in a bad way. There’s confidence and there’s arrogant. That right there could be your sole source of the problem. I don’t know you personally so I can be wrong. But take it with a grain of salt, if I’m getting that vibe from you here, women can be getting the same vibe. But it’s like you’re trying to prove to us you are God’s gift to women but it’s not working and it’s because of some circumstances beyond you.

100 numbers with zero success that is pretty terrible.

yeah, I’m not getting it. I don’t consider myself particularly handsome, there are certainly guys that can just sit at the bar and have women ooze at the sight of him. That’s not me. I hardly ever approach, I let my reputation and my circle of friends do the introduction. My last gf was a model from Lithuania, she was gorgeous, we would actually walk around and see pictures of her sometimes on like the side of the taxi cab door. I don’t particularly like cold approaching, I found no need for it. I build a social life around me and the girls follow. Certainly there are many girls I found beautiful and would like to be with that are not even a little bit interested in me. But usually I get women from being able to navigate the social ladder. I put myself in a position where I’m hanging out with beautiful women who are just friends. So my other advice is maybe build a better social circle and use that to your advantage.

Women usually want to have someone they know give them some sort of “yeah, Andrew is a good guy, you should talk to him” I’m honestly terrible at cold approaches, so I have other people help me in that way.

If it isn’t working, you need it too much.

Go back to just wanting it, but not really needing it, and you’ll connect with more people, more deeply.

That, and maybe shave the pornstache (if you have one).

Do you have a pornstache or any other facial hair? That’s what I’ve been thinking all along.

You’re tall, blond, attractive, well dressed, hard working, and surrounded by young women . . . I can’t think of anything other than facial hair that would give you such a low batting average in Taiwan. Is it a moustache, a full beard, or one of those goatees? Some foreigners think that the Handsome Bum Look that Miami Vice made popular 30 years ago will work in Taiwan. It doesn’t.

If it’s not facial hair, it could still be your face. Are you smiler?

Being in Hsinchu is not an advantage !

Icelandic chicks are hot, so I’ve heard.

So here’s an example of how I do it. I just met a girl here from Mexico 24 years old around what your age target it, beautiful and a professional athlete. I got her number on friday said we were going to make plans and I texted her today. Here’s how the text went to secure the date. I will copy and paste and put Me: and Her: to clarify who’s texting.

Me:so i set up for dinner at my friends place wednesday evening. It will be jazz night so prepare to be serenaded by beautiful music while you eat

Her:where is the place

Me: facebook link to resturant
they also have some of the best cocktails in town

Her:it looks very cool

Me:it’s a little known spot my the local celebs

Her:at what time it opens
the problem is that is a little bit far awya
away

Me:we’ll go over the exact details closer, i’m super tired haha. But have an open schedule that night, ill take care of everything and you just enjoy the evening
it open i think at 6
I was thinking we get there a little after 7

Her:so i will have to get there like 6 30

Me:get there or leave for there?
my friend owns the place, we can do what ever

Her:o nice haha , yes so i can see how i will move and check my times

Me:don’t worry, i’ll have you back by time.

Her:i have to get back at 11
perfect!

Me:wear something nice, i may or may not have have him dedicate a song to you
anyways, I’m going to get some rest. Can’t wait to talk to you in person. It’ll be a wonder evening

Her:have a great night !:slight_smile:

Her:i didnt bring something nice …yesterday i went with jeans and sneakers to the club

Me:don’t worry, i’ve seen enough women in tight dresses in the clubs
just bring some good vibes and your smile

Her: haha i can perfect do that :wink:

Her: and you have protection?

Me: no need, i protect you from everyone. I know the owner!

[quote=“urodacus”]Her: and you have protection?

Me: no need, i protect you from everyone. I know the owner![/quote]

The passive aggressiveness is annoying in the forum sometimes. You got something to say, say it. don’t hide behind sarcasm.

The point is to the OP the advantages of having a good social circle and how to get a girl excited for a date. We said we would go out. So I held her to her word and didn’t give her a choice as I made arrangements for her already. She will feel compelled to go or even move her schedule around as she saw I out some effort. I can break it down more but I feel like it’s a waste of my time as a lot of people here are all grumpy because they’re not happy with their life or something.

Grumpy? It’s this color scheme that brings everyone down. Yes, I saw how you presumed she was coming and you didn’t even ask. When guys do that to guys it can be annoying (I know you wouldn’t do that to another guy), but it would definitely work on more than 50% of women, especially younger ones. They would see it as confidence/leadership…

We could def use a more vibrant color scheme lol, I’m just trying to help guys out. But apparently it threatens other’s manhood or something.

I’m guessing it’s because you come across like Dan Bilzerian, lol. You might mean well but “dude I got this fine Mexican chick by throwing money and power at her” isn’t going to help anybody.

^i’ve never made that much effort when asking a girl out in my life. seems like work!

I’m guessing it’s because you come across like Dan Bilzerian, lol. You might mean well but “dude I got this fine Mexican chick by throwing money and power at her” isn’t going to help anybody.[/quote]

I’m not throwing money at her…It’s called being connected. I know the band and the owner, I didn’t say i’m going to come pick you up in a jet and we’re going on a trip. I don’t currently have a lot of money, I’m coaching basketball as my sole source of income pretty much…I’m returning the states in a few months for another job offer. What I just showed you is how to do it with money, it’s called having a social circle that benefits you.

You dont think it can help anyone and a lot of people have that mindset, because of their circumstances. DO you think I woke up and just know all these people? No I grinded for year for a entertainment and event planning company. After a year, I left to do it independently due to not being allowed to be my own boss and have my own ideas. I started my small business of helping entertainers book gigs and help smaller businesses promote, and consult with them with all sorts of matters from budgeting to decor. I got here to this point with hard work. But haters going to hate. I helped clubs, bars, restaurants. I got them into the W magazine on recommended places to eat around taipei. I worked for my success. There are a of you guys out there with excuses on why you can’t do this. Oh I live in Hisnchu, oh i don’t have a lot of money, oh I don’t have a cool job ect ect ect. Make your life. I could work at my father company and be chairman of the board today. I refuse to take his offer and money. I don’t want him to own me. I do what fulfills me. And not take the safe route and get stuck in a situation I hate because it’s what other people are doing. Stop making excuses and do something that you can look back on not regret.