Why is it so difficult to find friends in Taipei? What am I doing wrong?

Not every guy is motivated by sex. And just because a guy isn’t motivated by sex doesn’t mean he’s gay.

You specifically said you had a problem with ‘foreigners’. That’s just a xenophobic catch all term, don’t use it.

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You will also be disappointed if you think you can get what you want from locals, as the vast majority do not the time or inclination or cultural reference points that you are looking for.

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What makes you think that she has an attitude problem? I don’t see that at all from her posts.

The use of the ‘foreigners’ term which we all know means ‘waiguoren’.

Why not say…I have a problem with guys who hit on me
In clubs.
I have a problem with coach surfers who didn’t respect the rules.
I have a problem with with my language exchange pals who happen to be foreigners.
Why specifically call out ‘foreigner’ which means precisely nothing.
As if Taiwanese guys won’t do the same things …its a joke.

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Maybe the horny teenagers she’s met all happened to be non-locals and that gave her the false impression of “foreigners” are creepier? I feel like that’s possible.

These are long posts! You can definitely tell that those who frequently come back to post, cares :grinning: To the OP, no problem, feel free to PM me to discuss if needed. I’ve been there and am still there. The thing with us multi-cultural people is we’ll always have some form of identity problem. You’re also probably awared that the locals are really passive and sensitive. As oppose to some neighboring countries that are more open and direct. Heck, I’ve heard of Taiwanese students in Japan share your same problem in Japan. You rarely meet people by random and become good friends. It’s generally introduced. Give it time.

I have lived in 2 foreign countries before Taiwan (Australia and Canada) and it is always easier to make foreigner friends. Just like in my country, most foreigners had a lot of friends from other countries.
It is a natural process.

Now to answer your question. My wife is Taiwanese and did not anyone in Tainan when we moved here.
She took sewing lessons, and now follow paintings lessons: she made friends this way. We got invited to a marriage lately. It works nice this way.

My sister in law made a few friends by going to coffee shops and chatting with the staff. Some coffee shops are very quiet and it is easier. Someone gave this advice earlier in this thread and I can only agree.

Good luck :slight_smile:

So you are saying that Australia and Canada are ‘foreign’ countries? Of course it is easier to make ‘foreign’ friends in ‘foreign’ countries. There are so many ‘foreigners’ there.

Every country I go to I always see foreigners. Foreigners are everywhere.

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Pretty sure he’s saying he was a foreigner there, and he felt it was easier to connect with other foreigners than with locals.

Yes sorry, I thought my post was clear. I was a foreigner in both of these countries, and it is always easier to make friends with other foreigners.

Taipei is a major city and as such people are used to having a lot of people around them but yet feel alone. Most people are in a mad dash somewhere. Most people go through the day with an agenda. They have their work thingy and their play thingy with their buds and other acquaintances.

In order to score a new bud you have to essentially jar yourself and the other person into something that is
NON Routine for you and/or them.

You have to break YOUR cycle. Change where you go that is not resulting in finding friends and explore new avenues.

When you are in an unfamiliar surrounding your mind (if you allow it) could become more “open” . You could find yourself out of your shell. And perhaps be brave enough to seize the moment and engage someone in conversation.

Even if it leads nowhere you have found a new “skill”.

There are those who master this skill and those, like me, who are generally shy.

But even me, when I really want to make a move I do it.

:slight_smile:

Get out of your shell and shock someone (you want to talk to) out of theirs ! And carry on the conversation after they recover from the initial shock.

ASk an innocent question?

“hey , excuse me, when does this cafe close?”
“It’s a nice place, has a good vibe, is it your first time too”
“its not? oh you come here often?”

So on and so forth. If you get a response and he/she shows interest as well. You may have something.

If you get the COLD shoulder, move on. If he/she asks no interogating questions back, you have a non starter. Find a warmer “target”.

If you don’t do something different, you won’t get a different result.

If nobody is approaching YOU, ask ourself why?

Watch others. SEe how they approach a stranger.

Example: Got on an empty bus in tAipei, Saw this very nice looking young lady. Wanted to talk to her. STepped out of my shell and thought how should i do that?

CAnt sit next to her, that would be too stalker like. Cant sit in front of her, Would be awkward to look back at her.
Cant sit in the seat across from her, because distance makes conversation distant.

IDea : Sit behind her and look for something she has that can be a convo starter.

By golly gee, she has a Rabbit with her ! And I used to have a Rabbit.

Talked to her about her Rabbit. Suggested a vet , got off bus went to said vet with her and her Rabbit. Brought the rabbit to her home and went out for her for a nice time out.

It just all worked out. It could easily bomb and does. But if I had not done anything I wouldn’t have made her acquaintance.

Press YOUR opportunity button ! Bust a Move ! Get off your Butt and DO SOMETHING !

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Now that I’m all motivated, where do I buy the rabbit? And how do I convince my landlord it’s food, not a pet?

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I think the larger issue is that it’s more difficult to make friends as you get older. The OP is still in her 20s and getting a degree but the cultural differences are just additional road blocks of making friends. Making friends, much like dating, takes a lot of time, energy and even luck.

Even articles like these that talk about people in their 30s apply to younger folks as well: http://www.nytimes.com/2012/07/15/fashion/the-challenge-of-making-friends-as-an-adult.html and this one relating that article to a 1992 Jerry Seinfeld joke http://gothamist.com/2012/07/15/making_adult_friends_jerry_seinfeld.php shows it is an uphill battle to generate a friendship that is not a facebook friend or a Line contact that you can end a conversation with a sticker.

Being in a foreign country makes it even harder to relate and find common interests. People have pretty full plates in terms of scheduling (work/school, family, significant other, friends, exercise, ‘me’ time).

Many (even people in their 20s) are not consciously looking for a “real” friend. At the same time, people who want to be ‘your’ and ‘my’ friend might not be the right fit for you— or as Seinfeld has put it-- “I’m sure you’re a very nice person, you seem to have a lot of potential, but we’re just not hiring right now.”

We reject potential friends all the time and as we get older our “annoyance tolerance” gets lower and lower. We decline invitations to do stuff because we either don’t have time, don’t like their personality or the very popular reason–> I have something better to do / waiting for something better to come along. It might just mean you’d rather read a novel/watch TV or go play a sport or ‘network’…ect. Many times, it’s not even logical, but just we are accustomed to do what we want to do.

You (the OP) seem very thoughtful and sounds like you would make a great friend. I’d keep putting yourself out there and fear not all the ‘rejections’ and dead ends that you have already experienced and will continue to experience. Like all the horny dudes that are throwing you sexual advances without knowing your name, you will get many more ‘rejections’ than ‘interest’ for ‘being friends’. But it’s a numbers game, so keep at it.

Maybe be more proactive in getting a group of people to go do something? I studied abroad before, and I literally went around and met every single person at the international dorms the first day and led a group out that night. From that day until I left, I was like the go to guy to know what activity to do. But I don’t know if you’re that outgoing. These days, I like my alone time. I’m busy working on building my business and other ventures. I got a girl friend to spend time with and sometimes I do double dates. I really didn’t want a girl friend tbh in the beginning, but most of my friends have relationships, engaged, married. So I was always the single guy besides my other friends who party 2-3 times a week. But i’m just not into that scene anymore. I occasionally go out if there’s like a birthday or something. But I hang out with my partners at work a lot, we get along great. Or I’m with my gf or with my 2 dogs. I also go to the gym and play a lot of sports so I don’t feel lonely.

I suffer through the same thing and I’ve been here for eight years. My attitude now is just F*** YOU. I especially hate their stares and just talk about you with their friends in your face despite knowing that you understand what they’re saying. I’m finally moving out of here. If you know any ways to cope, let me know too!

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If that’s your attitude, you probably should leave for your benefit and that of the people around you in Taiwan. Everyone has bad days, but you sound consistently antagonistic.

Tell me that you have never talked about Taiwanese people in English to a foreign friend in front of them. Only difference would be that you would have assumed they wouldn’t understand.

I think many people who are responding to tpe are ignoring her first post. She said “Initially, I fell in love with Taiwan and moved here.” Ok, something happened between then and now. What? Well, she feels like she is being used by others because others want to (her words) "screw me or because they want to use me as their language mule. Furthermore, she states that based on her Asian heritage "International support groups are even more depressing because they are focused on helping…“real foreigners.”

It is easy to understand why she is feeling the way she does. She is Asian, but not Taiwanese, i.e., not a native speaker. She wants friends, but not friends with benefits, which she feels others, probably guys, expect from her.

It is not easy to be in her situation. She is seeing/experiencing a side of life which is common but not too pleasant.

Best of luck to you tpe.

Peace.

You are not alone!

Are you southeast asian? If so i can feel your struggle.