Hi all, (Sorry, I couldn’t think of a better thread title)
I have what could be a serious problem with one of my kids, but I have no idea how to fix it.
He is 11 years old, very smart and passes all the usual criteria of being a good student in Taiwanese eyes ( passes tests, nice hadwriting etc). However, psychologically, he is a mess. To give a mundane example, I borrowed his pen to write something in his book and quickly used it again to sign the book of the student sitting next to him, he started to cry uncontrollably because he thought he would not get it back. At first I thought he was just another spolied kid until something my boss told me last night.
His mother has told us not to give him homework in the week only at weekends( which is fair enough) because (and this really concerns me) if he does not have enough time to do it, he will stay awake most of the night worried because he hasn’t done it. If you ask a question that does not have a perfect answer such as “Which do you prefer X or Y?” or “How often do you go to the park?” he becomes very frustrated and will sit and um and ahh for 5 minutes. I know he is not a slow student. He gives himself far too much pressure, and his mother doesn’t seem to make the connection that this is very strange. He has also spoken about suicide.
I am really worried about him, but my boss says there is nothing we can do, if we tell his mother that he needs help she would just change schools. As I pointed out, in the elementary schools with their class sizes of 35+, teachers miss signs in kids personality… at a bushiban with our smaller class sizes we see what the kids are really like… Is there anything we can do? I know I cannot change Taiwanese culture regarding face, but it goes well beyond anything i’ve encountered so far… so…
i’m no psychologist, but if you have the time/inclination, a little extra support. slowly bring him around to realizing that the world isn’t only black & white.
i’d try to keep these lessons more private in nature though, or focus on other students if you approach this topic during class time, so as not to put him on the spot. maybe if he can see others’ responses that fall in “grey” areas, he will recognize that they are acceptable …
Wow, I have a kid like this. He would cry everytime he showed up at school. He’s 12 years old.
What I did, and you might try too, as you say he’s smart, so I assume he’s good in English, is to ask him some softball questions. Encourage him before and after class to answer three questions per class. If telling Mom and Dad that he’s doing well helps, do it. If not, don’t. I have several kids that I support and encourage a lot and rarely speak to their parents because, honestly, they don’t care. Now, after 6 months, he’s basically normal, and I give him the same amount of pressure I give the others in his class. Before, if I looked at him wrong, or in disapproval, he’d cry. I hate that.
You might also try asking to borrow his pen or pencil to do something, saying “I’ll give it right back,” And then really give it right back. “See?” It sounds like he needs to build trust with people, a lot of trust.
Good on you for being concerned enough to bring this up. I’m sure their are more children out there in the system who don’t get the help of a concerned teacher.
Good luck. Keep us informed of any progress, or antiprogress.
[quote=“Funk500”]Thanks xtrain_01 and Jds for your sage-like advice! Much appreciated
JD… what is your experience of mentioning problems like this to elementary school teachers?
I’ll definitely keep you posted…
Cheers[/quote]
Geez, I don’t know. There isn’t a whole lot of respect given to “English teachers” from the “real” teachers in my experience.
At times, I pin my Masters in TESOL diploma on my chest when I talk to them.
I would mention it to the parents and also tell them what you’re doing to help their child adjust to being human in this lifetime.
Like I said before, if you say something and they blow it off, then at least you know the score, and can go about it in your own way. If they listen then you can monitor his progress more closely, encouraging the parents and the child.
Your boss is right about the risk of parents taking a kid out of the school, though. You could probably focus on some of the behavioural problems, e.g. he is sometimes shy to answer questions. and slowly build up to discussing a more serious problem once you’ve tested the water on how parents will respond to any criticism.
Parents do take their kids out of schools here if you try to point out a specific problem. Also refrain from ever naming a specific condition (e.g. I think your kid has Tourette’s…I heard of a case like that last night where the parents just took the kid out).
I think it’s a great idea to put other kids on the spot first and to try to give him more confidence that way. Start asking questions that could have more than one answer, and then after one students answers, have 3 or 4 students repeat the answer every time. Include your stressed kid in the repeat group for a while, before moving on to asking him too.
Or write the answer on the board and let a few kids read it, including your kid.
Sometimes it’s useful too when a kid is aaaahing to not let him do that for too long, then say “OK, think about it for a while, and I’ll ask you later.” Then ask three or four other kids before coming back to him.
Work with him for a while before letting the parents know, because they often put even more pressure on a child. Telling a shy/scared child not to be shy/scared can be worse, because he is always hoping that nobody notices.
Anyways, I’m no expert. I’m currently reading a medical book on psychopaths now because I think I might be dealing with one. And you think you’ve got problems…
I was actually thinking of discussing that problem on here too, but too many people know where I work.
Thanks again JDS and twonavels ( you are always helping me out… nice one!)
I have actually been doing this with the student in question since the problem got more obvious, but very little has come of it. He seems to be in a spiral of giving himself more and more undeserved pressure. Its such a shame because he is a lovely kid.
I teach him again on Wednesday (although he goes to my school everyday for other classes), and I’ll try some of the advice you guys have offered…
Of all the psychological problems a kid can have, “over-achiever” ain’t so bad.
First off, probably the best cure for the kid’s problem is confidence in relationships with you and his classmates. When he knows it doesn’t matter if he is first or last, winner or loser, you’ll all still be friends and teachers and what have you, he won’t mind so much.
Second, it may help to do some object lessons to demonstrate that in English class there is no failure as long as there is effort. I even give a speech to that affect and have my CT translate it for me in many of my classes to encourage kids to speak up. (The speech usually only helps one or two kids to speak up, but one or two kids are worth it).
Take some “wrong” answers and praise them because the kid tried.
Ah well, you get the idea. Reading back over it I don’t know if I said anything intelligent. Perhaps this is just coming from my current combination of insomnia and Mt. Dew.
