[quote] Do you think it would be possible for you to sit down with the kid and talk to him about it. Not when you or he is upset - you’d have to find a quiet moment when you’re both in a normal mood and there are no distractions (like the baby crying or his favourite cartoons on the tele).
Don’t throw accusations at him, just tell him that you don’t know what to do and ask HIM for an advice. Maybe he would help you find out the reasons why he’s acting like this. Ask him what he thinks would help make him feel better - more attention, more privacy, more independence, a vacation - whatever.[/quote]
Okay! I sat down with him just now tonight. I asked him if he was happy. He said that he was happy every day, but he would be happier if he had been in the States. I asked him why. He answered, because there were no roches, more garbage dumpsters, smelled better, and some thing not really hitting the spot (from my point of view.)
I figured that it was going nowhere with the above question since he claimed that he was happy every day. I then said, “Do you feel that your little brother is getting all the attention and you get not enough attention?” He said, “No, because I am getting all the attention from him.” I asked him if he felt that we did not spend enough time with him ever since his little brother came around, and he again, said no, and said that it was great to have the brother around and he loved him very much.
So, I was not really getting any help from him form the above asked questions. I then said, “Well, could you tell me what your dad and I could do to make you happier?” He first answered nothing, he was as happy as could be. So I said, “but I sure did not feel like that because you screamed, yelled, and refused to cooperate, plus, stumped, shouted “No,” and shut the door hard, kicked stuff around in his room. And those things made me feel that you were not happy.” He responded that maybe if I would not say “No” to everything, maybe he would not be so sad and angry. So I asked him, “What would you like me to say “yes” to?” He said, “buy me my roller blades, buy me drinks at the tea stand when I ask, not tell me to wash up, brush teeth, etc.” I asked, “Well, would you want me to say yes to buying roller blades if they would cost us the entire month of pay from work?” He said no to that. I asked him if he thought that it would make sense to buy the drinks whenever he asked for. He said maybe just buy him the $5 or $10 N.T. ones. I told him that he would not need to wash up for a month since that made him mad. He said that he would not want to not wash up for a day. SO, IT SEEMED THAT IT WAS GOING NOWHERE AGAIN WITH THAT. (However, I do think that started him thinking…)
I don’t know. He seemed like a little matured person but not sure what he really wanted and what he really could do yet… Arrrrr, this world is a tough place. I had been though the whole deal of being able to support myself and now my kids have to do it all over too… Don’t get me wrong though–life is well worth it and wonderful after all.