This thread is hilarious.
It seems like China invented the piss take, too.
Therefore, if my history serves me right, other Chinese inventions include,
Wind
The smell of freshly cut grass
Donkey jackets
The offside rule
Punk (and by extension, Duran Duran video shoots, in particularly ones including water and windmills)
Water
Windmills
Don’t forget Chinese checkers and Chinese water torture, but not chop suey and fortune cookies.
How about chopsticks?. Only the Chinese could have refused to take up the knife and fork.
As for chopsticks I guess they took them up a lot longer than we have been using the knife and fork in the west
Actually it’s easy. You get a hot stone, add water, garnish with a piece of cabbage and a sprinkle of chopped onion, instant Taiwanese soup !
Ok SOME of the soup is ok here.
If we’re talking about Chinese inventions are we talking about
the Qing
the Ming
the Manchu
the Sung
the Tang
the Ping
the Warring States
the Pong
the Dong
a lot of whom wouldn’t know what the meaning of the word CHINESE is.
It’s worth a visit to the National Palace Museum to see some of the really cool stuff that was invented way back. One of the more amazing artifacts
I’ve come across was invented during the Dong dynasty (between the Ping enlightened section rulers (4a, 209) and the invasion of the empire by the Pong barbarians (4c, room 211).
Due to extensive climatic change from volcanic activity at the Eurasian tectonic plate China was covered in a grey ashlike fog for almost 200 years . It was said that even when the moon was full you couldn’t see your outstretched hand in front of your face. Although people got used to living in this gray drab environment even before Taipei was built, they found due to lack of modern electric lighting that it was difficult to navigate in, especially at night. (Actually it was about this time that the Chinese invented modern street lighting by placing fireflies in jars on the roadways but it took a while for this idea to spread across the empire)
A trusted assistant to the emperor, a eunuch called Kut Mee Sak , came up with a bright idea. He invented a device incorprating a candle like contraption placed over the nasal area of the peasant’s faces used for lighting the area in front of them at night time. This idea was found to
be very practical for the limited means available to the peasants at the time and quickly spread throughout the kingdom. A piece of coal, soya oil and even whale oil were all found to be useful as fuel and they had the added benefit of keeping mosquitoes away at nighttime.
Hence the ancient Chinese expression ‘the Dong with the luminous nose’.
After five pages I think we’re just beating a dead horse now. I think we need some fresh meat:
So how about that other group of freeloaders who haven’t invented anything in the last thousand years: those Down-Under Kiwis and Ozzies?
As far as I know the only things they’ve come up with to advance civilization have been dwarf-tossing and beer alcoholism. They sure talk alot about how inventive they are but none of them have been able to name a single bona-fide Down Under invention whenever I’ve talked with any of them about it.
By the way, I’m the real Guest here. How about the rest of you who’ve been impersonating me going out and getting your own usernames instead? I’ve been catching alot of flak lately for some of the meatheaded things you’ve been saying while impersonating me.
Indeed. Ausies have been there for thousands of years, and invented the boomerang and a game where men in tight shorts race around punching each other.
We’ve been downunder a much shorter period and have invented scads of inventions. Check nzedge.com/heroes/. Let me summarise (infactafterhavingpasted the following, I guess NZ is the most inventive country ever) 
:
-sailing
-plastic conductivity
-Rutherford: The creator of modern atomic physics and forerunner of the nuclear age, one of the greatest scientists of the twentieth century
-Maurice Wilkins: DNA molecule structure
-dried milk formula
-CHILLY BIN
-disposable syringe
-jetboats
-fishing
-nuclear free country
-mount everest
-tranquilliser dart gun
-the world’s first stamp vending machine
-voting for women
-the first sports’ referee in the world to use a whistle to stop a game
-‘plastic surgery’
-FIRST FLYER:31st March 1903 reclusive New Zealand farmer Richard Pearse …
-bungy jumping
-F1 racing-Bruce Mclaren was from Auckland
-Flying from Auckland to England (Jean Batten )
-jogging
-fast shearing
-the Snowy Mountains Hydro-Electric Scheme. One of the great engineering achievements of the 20th Century, and modernised ausy
-rugby
-SAVIOUR OF BRITAIN: Keith Park
we know that the scots invented sheep-shag*ing
not to mention:
the world’s first feature length film,
pre-paid mail,
ultra-sound technology,
the first detection of quasars and supernova,
refrigeration
photocopying
penicillin production (Howard Florey)
plastic bank notes
teleportation
…actually on reflection it’s a fairly pathetic list, but we do have the best list of genre bands going:
Vynes- today’s hip
Birthday Party-punk
AC/DC- heavy metal
Bee Gee’s-disco
Midnight Oil- Political Rock
Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds- Goth
Kyle Minogue- British Club Scene
Peter Allen- US High Camp
Air Supply- Soft Rock
…
AC/DC are Scottish… sort of.
Anyway, back to Chinese inventions. I’ve found a Taiwanese inventor who has come up with the one to beat them all - an immortality ring.
Check it out on alexchiu.com/
He lives in America and as well as discovering the secret to eternal life he has some pretty strong views on China. I guess if he was still here he’d vote KMT.
QUESTION:
'On your site you state: “I am not a Taiwanese. I am Chinese, and
I wish China will one day take Taiwan
back, peacefully or by force, at any cost! A Taiwanese who does
not consider himself to be Chinese does not
deserve to become immortal.” Do you wish for Taiwanese citizens
to be exterminated?
ALEX'S ANSWER:
I came from Taiwan. When I was in Taiwan, I was taught in school
that Taiwan is part of China. Everybody back in
those days never questioned about that. But now all of a sudden
some idiots in Taiwan start to say that they are not
Chinese. Their grand parents were Chinese. But for some reason,
they feel they are not Chinese. That’s very
rediculous to me. How would you feel if you are from New York,
but now you moved to Florida. One day you
heard on the news saying that New Yorkers are asking for
independence. The New Yorkers now say they are not
Americans. They are “New Yorkans”. So because you came from New
York, you must be a “New Yorkan”? You
are no longer an American? Those Taiwanese who say they are not
Chinese should go to hell right now. I don’t
care what political party is controlling China right now. All I
know is we are all Chinese. I am proud to be Chinese,
and I do not tolerate any traitor. If the communist party is
controlling China, they represent China. The X Taiwanese
president “Lee Deng Hui” says he is a Japanese. Well, if he is a
Japanese, why does he care about Chinese people’s
business? I feel that China has every right to take Taiwan back.
It’s nobody else’s business. If you defend Taiwan
and fight against the Liberation Army, you are automatically a
traitor. Taiwan has been part of China for centuries.
Why did Lincoln decide to reconquer the south? I came from
Taiwan. But since communist party represents China,
communist party is my party. Liberation army is my defender.
AND
Question:
China repeatedly abuses and tortures its citizenry, including Chinese forced abortions of Tibetan women? Wouldn’t Chinese deserve not to become immortal?
Alex:
I think the Chinese government is doing a great job right now. I support population control. I think USA should do the same. If you want to have more than 1 kid, you should pay more tax. The enemies of China always use “human rights issues” to attack China. But if USA has 1.3 billion people, USA would have the same human rights problem just like China. You cannot expect so much freedom in a land of 1.3 billion people. Chinese government is doing such a great job that China not only feeds its own people, it also feeds most of the Russians. Most of the food imported to Russia came from China. You guys always talk about human rights. But why can’t you guys mention about “government rights”? Chinese government has the right to do whatever it must do to protect China. That includes population control and the liberation of Tibet. Do you know that before Tibet was liberated, you can buy and sell slaves in Tibet? In the old Tibet, you can have slaves, you can marry 4 wives, but you cannot take a bath for 1 whole year, and you cannot meet a foreigner. You can skin your slave alive, and you can kill your slave when ever you desire. The entire Tibet is ruled by a bunch of religious idiots. You can’t take a bath for the entire year, and you can’t trade with foreigners. Cummunists don’t allow that! Liberated Tibet and kick out that stupid Dalai Lama, whatever that moron’s name is. You guys don’t know how much Tibet has changed. Most families in Tibet now has electricity. TV, VCR, stereo, micro-wave, you name it. Everything’s made in China! They have shopping malls and super markets there. There’s stock market brokers there. In fact, Tibet is one of the most popular European tourist attraction of asia. If Dalai idiot is still around, you be buying and selling slaves there right now! Everywhere would stink like hell because nobody teaches you the importance of taking a bath. If you say Tibetans are not Chinese because they have their own language and culture, let me ask you this: Is Hawaii part of USA? Is Okinawa part of Japan? Okinawa people have different language and culture than the Japanese. So should Okinawa gain independence from Japan?
I can’t believe that guy. What a loser Alex is… I suggested where he could put that ring
I notice that a lot of these rabid pro-unification types have passports from third countries which are usually liberal democracies… Guess it’s easy to spout this sort of crap when you have a nice US passport to serve as a back-door for when it all goes horribly wrong.
AC/DC are Scottish sort of…their parents immigrated to Australia when the Youngs were very young. They grew up in Australia and started their band AC/DC in Australia. They were a big hit back home, but they didn’t become superstars until they travelled to Europe. The Germans were their biggest European fans.
That’s just typical of mainlander Chinese types from Taiwan when talking to foreigners or when they are outside the country.
Great Aussie inventions
- Stubby holder (beer can or bottle holder)
- Corks on hats to keep flies away (doesn’t work but it’s damn funny)
- Ridiculous swimming togs with the names of the club on them
- The funniest lifeguard swimming hats in the world
- Calling sandals tongs—it’s just a great invention cos I couldn’t stop myself laughing every time I went into a pub with ’ No thongs allowed’ on the front door’
- The walk around the pool table three times with your jocks down if you get beaten without potting any balls. That is a classic.
- Utes (pick ups) with snorkels on them
- Animals that jump instead of walk
- Sticks that return to you without needing fido (not to me but)
- Roo (kangaroo) bars on cars and vans so you can feel like mad max
- Roads with deliberate bends in them so you won’t fall asleep while driving
- Road-trains
- Esky (icebox)
- Wearing vests everywhere
- Working blokes wearing boots with knee high socks in 30 degree heat
- Silly Solly glasses. For those uninformed they are cheap glasses with a yellow tint you could buy for a dollar each aka Buddy Holly look but even stranger. Me and my mates all bought a pair and walked into a outback pub once. Chernobyl!
- Pubs where the band keeps playing even though there are people being thrown through the door at the same time
- Everyone is your Mate and it’s always a good day.
Bad inventions----VB, Carlton Draught, Bundy and Coke,
One other Aussie invention that was missed among the plethora is the Atomic Absorption Spectroscopy instrument. These are real valuable in science as they allow the scientist to ascertain the metallic composition of their samples ( through characteristic light absoprtion of atoms ) . They are not cheap either, so only get one if you think you will really need it.
Was this used in the famous splitting of the beer atom in Tasmania?
This guy is nuts! (Sorry Rory)
He should leave the US and go live in China. He likes it so much.
Oddly enough Fox didn’t write that at all. Does this mean we have another glitch in the system?
Alex Chiu’s website is interesting .
I believe that the guy is in need of professional help. (Explaining flying saucers - a bit of chinglish - are you messiah? - Aqiu’s new darvinism etc)
A list of Danish inventions:
- Pillage
- Bacon
- Not being German (quite)
The English:
Elegance
Grace
Beauty
Truth
Wit
and
Sarcasm