A Smile a Day Tips for Taiwan

In this weary life smiling seems to work. I hope this will bring (even small) smiles after a hard day.

When crossing a one -way street,save time by only looking in the direction of the oncoming traffic.
F. Smith, Taichung.
When crossing a one way street always look in both directions in case a large blue truck is reversing the wrong way up the road.
F. Smith, Taichung General Hospital.

Minor skin grafts can be performed on Pigs by covering any cuts and grazes with thin strips of bacon.
A. Farmer,Haulien.

Deter Golfish from having sex by throwing a small bucket of air over any you catch in the act
R. Sole, Taipei.

Olympic athletes. Disguise the fact that youve taken Anabolic Steroids by running a bit slower
An empty cigar tube filled with angry wasps makes an inexpensive vibrator
Sister T. Root,Taipei.

Gamblers: A new Gambling opportunity,try sending 1000NT to yourself using Taiwanese Postal service.

MEN: When listening to your favourite CD,simply turn up the sound to the Volume you desire-then turn it down by 50%. This saves your wife having to do it.

EMPLOYEES: Only use the Toilet at work.Not only will you save on toilet paper,you will also be getting paid.

McDonalds: Make your carrier bags Green so they blend in with the countryside after they have been thrown out of car windows.

Taichung City: Reduce litter problems by issuing blind folk with pointy sticks.

Costco shoppers: Calm Hysterically crying children by firmly slapping their legs and then violently tugging them along bt the wrist.

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[quote=“shiadoa”]Gamblers: A new Gambling opportunity,try sending 1000NT to yourself using Taiwanese Postal service.

That would have a slightly negative ROI.

Save a fortune on Laundry bills. Simply give your dirty shirts to Oxfam Charity shop. They will wash and iron them and you can buy them back for 20NT.

Dont waste money buying expensive Binoculars. Simply stand closer to the Object you wish to view.

Taiwanese drivers: When out driving.Always turn left. If you get lost you can find your way home again by always turning Right.

Employers: Avoid hiring unlucky people by immediately tossing half the CVs in the trash can.

Dont discard used Banana skins…They make ideal sun hats for Starfish.

Avoid Parking tickets by leaving your wipers turned to fast wipe whenever you park illegally

Re-spraying your car? Cover it with cling-film first. If you dont like the new colour,simply peel it off and start again.

Pop a few teabags into your hot water tank and you can make a hot cup of tea anytime by just turning on the tap.

Alcohol makes an ideal substitute for happiness.

Women…dont waste energy faking orgasms. Most men are too drunk to notice and you could use the saved energy to Hoover the house.

X-Files fans…Create the effect of being abducted by Aliens by drinking 2 bottles of Vodka. You will invariably wake up in a strange place the following morning,having had your memory erased.

Avoid Jetlag by simply taking an earlier flight,thus arriving fully refreshed and on time.

Parents…When people ask how old your child is,they want to know how old he is at the moment. The phrase "He/She will be 5 next Birthday involves some tricky calculations and is not very useful.

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‘We slowed down your old iPhone without telling you for own good. It had nothing to do with the fact that we just launched our most expensive iPhone model yet.’

This is gold.

He is two years old.
When was he born?
Last year.

Convention of age computation.

POSTERS: If you want to look clever in a Forum, but don’t really have what it takes, simply copy and paste en masse from Viz’ Top Tips without accrediting the source, and pass it off as your own witty repartee. Sure to be a hit with the unread!!


Warning: I find most of my copy “online”. It is meant to pass on amusement, no more. I could respond to your personal attack, but I suspect that, as it appears to be based on personal issues, there would be little point. You always have the choice to be part of the “Unread”,I enjoy mirth over vitriol .

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  1. You may want to read up on the whole “personal attack” deal.
  2. Copyright practice doesn’t concern itself overly with what you do or don’t enjoy
  3. Nice unattributed quote in the imported graphic. That’s probably why it’s been @maoman’s signature for several years now

Just saying. :wink:

Do raccoons like wrestling? :thinking: