A Trap or an Invitation?

Life Dating & Relationships
1

Few years ago, I had an emotional affair involved with a married man. It was ended nastily with a police call by the wife.
During these past few years, I never looked back. (http://www.forumosa.com/taiwan/viewtopic.php?t=55311&postdays=0&postorder=asc&&start=0 My original post)

Six months ago, I got a new assignment to visit a client whose office is in the same building where the man was working. It’s a huge office building and it’s been so long after all. I didn’t think I should concern if he’s still there or not.

After the visiting, I walked back to my car and something caught my attention. Yeah, his car, a two years luxury car, was a mess and a baby car seat sat in the car. It could never happen if he’s in his right mind. It not only because his up tie personality, but also because his position is not allowed him to be so mess up. Therefore, my curiosity forced myself to get a close look of his car and wondered what could have happened to him. When I turned around, I found him standing there and watching me. I was embarrassed, of course, just walked directly to my car and drove away immediately without looking back.

He looked terrible and has been aged a lot. He looked 15 years older than 2 years ago (gained weight and lost lots of hair).
I paid extra precaution to avoid running into him again during my next few visits. However, I couldn’t control my curiosity and the fact that I still care about him despite what have happened in the pass.

Curiosity kills a cat! He knows me only too well! The next time I saw him, he has lost enormous of weight and shaved his hair bald instead of combed back. He seemed trying to improve his appearance in a very short period, and his ring was gone! He would never take off his ring if he’s still with his wife. My conclusion was they have separated for a while.

Thanks to his wife, I realized that this man has no respect for me what-so-ever when I read the police report years ago. According to the police report, he was never there during the police investigation. Don’t know if he’s too chicken to face the police or whatever reason. His wife knew every detail of our conversation. For this reason, I will NEVER, EVER want to have anything to do with this man again, not even he becomes the king of England!

Anyway, one time this man parked his car nearby mine while I was gone. He wrote an address and a phone number on a sticker and stuck it on the inside window of his driver seat. He knew I would pay attention on this one and try to figure things out.
My question is what on the earth he was trying to do!!!

Was it a trap? Since his families were not live with him, he might set up a trap making me a stalker if I was too stupid to check his house around and call him. Was he playing fire with fire?

Or was it an invitation? He just tried to allure me back??[/quote] A friend of mine is in exactly the same situation with you. She had affair with a married guy(at first the guy lied to her that he’s unmarried or single…I forgot). Anyway after years of dating/ trouble among these 3 people, all she could get is receiving money from this married guy as compensation, and nothing can make him leave his wife because they have kids! (personally I consider it’s an excuse). Even though she has bf for now, she still can’t get rid of him completely because…she can’t make her mind to disconnect with him for good. She can always find good reasons to meet him such as “Oh I need his compensation to pay my credit card bills” or “He needs to meet me for introducing a job in his friend’s company” or “We are just seeing each other as friends” etc… I think that’s the main reason why she is still single even she’s dying to get married as age 33 and she looks very pretty. I guess you have to choose how you want your life to be.

2

He’s a Cambridge graduate? He probably loves dressing in baby clothes and getting spanked. They all do. I’d give it the bodyswerve if I were you.
Also, he’s probably still on the breast, so watch out! “Not bitty later, bitty NOW, mummy!”

3

There’s your answer. Avoid this guy. Forget about him and get on with your life.
If he tries to get in touch in any way, ignore him totally.

4

Why would he set a trap? I don’t see what he would gain from there.

Possible, but the question is: what do you want? Even though you say you don’t want to have anything to do with him you still seem unsure - if you do not want to have anything to do with him then stop “caring”, instead maintain a distance from him and his belongings (car, house …) and avoid him.

5

At least if he parks across your driveway you can call and tell him to move his car.

6

If he’s got a baby seat in his car, it doesn’t sound like he’s separated from his wife and family to me. You and he kind of sound like you both do in fact want to get back together - otherwise why the curiosity, the ‘chance’ encounters, and the posting here?
It sounds like he married a psycho xiaojie, regrets it, would like to get out of it but can’t, and anyway wouldn’t mind fooling around with you on the side.
Is the wife really an ABC? Reporting your husband to the police for adultery is not an American custom.

7


That is all.

8

He’s lookin’ for a good spankin’…and bring him some nice suspendies and stockings to make it a special treat for him!

9

Thank you!

10

A lot of people in Taiwan put their telephone numbers on the dashboard so that if they park in front of people they can get a call to move their car rather than have their car towed. My thought was that maybe that was why his telephone number was there.

11

What I would think: he might be married or separated, either way he’d like to get it on with you again, and thinks you might be up for that too, or at least thinks it wouldn’t hurt to ask.
What I would advise: you write you don’t want to be with this man anymore. So ignore him, or at the very most say a cold ‘hello’ if you happen to run into him. Throw away the note with his phone number.
If you expect any more trouble from the wife’s side, perhaps you could go to the police yourself to tell them your side of the story, as a sort of precaution, just so they know you’re normal and not scary.

12

Doesn’t sound like much of a trap.

Sound like an invitation.

Best if you just ignore him completely like everyone else suggests.

Also, you should realise that he didn’t file that complaint, his wife did. Maybe she was spying on him or something. But obviously she somehow discovered that his heart was elsewhere and decided to get her revenge.

Don’t think he made the decision to file anything, he just made the decision to obey his wife even though he knew it could get you in trouble.

If he was considered you a real friend or someone important to him, or even if he were a man with principles, he would not have let his wife do that to you.
So why even bother thinking about why he does what he does? He’s a scumbag and you don’t need to waste your time.

13

Why are you even letting this drama go on? Arent there other men out there worthy of your attention?/ :unamused:

14

[quote=“J.J.”]Rascal

He and his wife called the policed on me just because I tried to talk to him after I quitted the job. I was sincere with good manner and didn’t say anything inappropriate. All I tried to do was making a peace with him and letting him know that there’s NO grudge between his families and me. He was nerves but seemed unable to walk away from me. He looked directly into my eyes and never looked away while I was talking, which made me extremely uncomfortable. Yet he reported every words from my mouth to his wife (I bet he didn’t mention the way he looked at me). That’s why I was so confused and never could understand and trust him again. [/quote]
I see, but unless you have bothering him or his wife after that there is no need for him to trap you. Most likely he is trying to allure you back, but it’s impossible to say if he is just looking for a fling or a more serious relationship with you.

The two are not necessarily different. :wink:

Anyhow, best thing is to stay away. Discard all physical reminders like notes, pictures etc., forget the guy and his family and go on with your life.

15

doesn’t matter what his intention was right?? As long as you know what you want and what you want to get out of it. From your original post that you want NOTHING to do w/ this man then why do you care what his intention was?

Toss that paper away and move on.

16

I think it’s great how many people have told the OP what scum this guy is and how she should avoid him like the plague. Of course, none of that serves any purpose but to make this guy even more appealing to her.

J.J., let us know how everything goes after you get back with him. Oh! And watch out for knife wielding psycho xiaojies…I mean manipulative control freaks.

17

IF trouble is spelled t.r.o.u.b.l.e the first time, guess how its going to be spelled the second time? :smiley:

18

I read this thread and your older post.

It doesn’t matter what he wants. He got at least some of what he wanted, and what did that get you? Additionally, there is a child involved. Maybe your own dad cheated on your mom, or maybe you are just really immature, but either way, you are perhaps more selfish than you realize to entertain these thoughts. I would say even worse to and for the bag of turds that got interested in you, but I can’t tell him that because I don’t know him. He just sounds like your average trashy guy with no respect for his wife and family. That’s sad, but it really isn’t any of your business. It never was.

I know that in this world of revolving door relationships and step-this and half-that, people aren’t as sensitive about the importance of steady relationships, but I don’t think that’s necessarily a good thing.

He can do whatever the heck he wants, but once you start this nonsense about wondering what a married man who is not your husband, in case you haven’t forgotten, wants from you, you have really crossed the line.

He is not going to “trap” you if you don’t take the bait. He is not going to “invite” you for anything but what you already know to be a thoroughly awful imbroglio.

It really is that simple.

Find other ways to make your life exciting that don’t involve potentially destroying your own life and the families of others.

19

Note: I don’t mean to say that the average guy is trashy and has no respect for his wife and family, just that this guy seems to be illustrative of that type.

20

[quote=“J.J.”]Few years ago, I had an emotional affair involved with a married man. It was ended nastily with a police call by the wife.
During these past few years, I never looked back. (http://www.forumosa.com/taiwan/viewtopic.php?t=55311&postdays=0&postorder=asc&&start=0 My original post)

Six months ago, I got a new assignment to visit a client whose office is in the same building where the man was working. It’s a huge office building and it’s been so long after all. I didn’t think I should concern if he’s still there or not.

After the visiting, I walked back to my car and something caught my attention. Yeah, his car, a two years luxury car, was a mess and a baby car seat sat in the car. It could never happen if he’s in his right mind. It not only because his up tie personality, but also because his position is not allowed him to be so mess up. Therefore, my curiosity forced myself to get a close look of his car and wondered what could have happened to him. When I turned around, I found him standing there and watching me. I was embarrassed, of course, just walked directly to my car and drove away immediately without looking back.

He looked terrible and has been aged a lot. He looked 15 years older than 2 years ago (gained weight and lost lots of hair).
I paid extra precaution to avoid running into him again during my next few visits. However, I couldn’t control my curiosity and the fact that I still care about him despite what have happened in the pass.

Curiosity kills a cat! He knows me only too well! The next time I saw him, he has lost enormous of weight and shaved his hair bald instead of combed back. He seemed trying to improve his appearance in a very short period, and his ring was gone! He would never take off his ring if he’s still with his wife. My conclusion was they have separated for a while.

Thanks to his wife, I realized that this man has no respect for me what-so-ever when I read the police report years ago. According to the police report, he was never there during the police investigation. Don’t know if he’s too chicken to face the police or whatever reason. His wife knew every detail of our conversation. For this reason, I will NEVER, EVER want to have anything to do with this man again, not even he becomes the king of England!

Anyway, one time this man parked his car nearby mine while I was gone. He wrote an address and a phone number on a sticker and stuck it on the inside window of his driver seat. He knew I would pay attention on this one and try to figure things out.
My question is what on the earth he was trying to do!!!

Was it a trap? Since his families were not live with him, he might set up a trap making me a stalker if I was too stupid to check his house around and call him. Was he playing fire with fire?

Or was it an invitation? He just tried to allure me back??[/quote] A friend of mine is in exactly the same situation with you. She had affair with a married guy(at first the guy lied to her that he’s unmarried or single…I forgot). Anyway after years of dating/ trouble among these 3 people, all she could get is receiving money from this married guy as compensation, and nothing can make him leave his wife because they have kids! (personally I consider it’s an excuse). Even though she has bf for now, she still can’t get rid of him completely because…she can’t make her mind to disconnect with him for good. She can always find good reasons to meet him such as “Oh I need his compensation to pay my credit card bills” or “He needs to meet me for introducing a job in his friend’s company” or “We are just seeing each other as friends” etc… I think that’s the main reason why she is still single even she’s dying to get married as age 33 and she looks very pretty. I guess you have to choose how you want your life to be.