Article a bit light on facts. Was she not covered by nhi because she was in between work?
Great for her, but not a good situation if these people are dependent on the philanthropy of their employer, or lack thereof, for medical care is it?
I also think the longer you keep the relationship a secret, the more they might have negative feelings about it. Especially since she is your grandmas care taker. From that perspective, I would not like it. The person I’m paying to take care of my family should not be dating my other family member imo. There is a professional boundary.
Thanks for all the kind, thoughtful replies! Honestly, I was expecting a lot of troll responses as with 90% of all of other the online forums out there, but I’m pleasantly surprised by how civilized and thoughtful everyone is on Forumosa.
She’s going back to Indonesia next year. My relatives in Taiwan rotate caretakers every 3 years.
I’m fine with giving up minor dietary preferences. My relatives make her cook pork, but I still don’t eat it out of respect for her. They asked me why, and I said it’s because of health concerns since I’m an athletic guy who doesn’t want fatty pork clogging up my arteries.
I’ve found many Indonesian women to be really sweet, simple folks. They’re not like career-focused, strict middle-class Taiwanese who overanalyze everything. That’s one thing I like about her.
How common are Taiwanese - native Indonesian relationships in Taiwan?
My impression is that this is out of the ordinary.
Except for the weird old uncles (ah pek), most Taiwanese guys don’t even seem to notice Southeast Asian maids. Plus, I know some Taiwanese men married to Chinese-Indonesian women from Kalimantan, but I hardly see any Taiwanese with Indonesians who are non-Chinese.
A few Taiwanese will stare at us with inquisitive looks, but they never say anything.
In the back of mind, I know I’m somehow sticking out.
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Chatting with my girlfriend in Indonesian in a printing shop. Printing shop lady keeps staring at us but says nothing.
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Buying souvenirs for her at Ximending. Shop girl said it’s not common for women in Taiwan to hold their own stuff. Then a taxi driver asked us, “Where’s your hotel?” Told him we live here.
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Lady at pharmacy after seeing me and GF interact with each other: “Are they a couple?” My wheelchair-bound grandma: “No no, that’s my wailao! This is my grandson!” Pharmacy lady: “But they look so close together.” Grandma looking incredulous: “No, she’s just my wailao.”
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Took girlfriend to a tourist site with lots of Mainland Chinese. Chatted up a Mainland Chinese couple queuing up behind us. They look at her curiously and say to her in English, “Hello.” Then they give me another funny look.
We get such reactions on a regular basis. Very minor passive-aggressive microaggressions, or whatever you want to call them. I’m curious to know what ordinary Taiwanese people are actually thinking in the back of their minds.
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Probably that you’re banging the help.
If that sounds cheeky, I don’t really mean it that way, I wish you the best. But I think way too many people in Taiwan consider the Indonesian people here to be strictly “the help.” They just haven’t integrated quite like the other “imported” wives have, like the Vietnamese wives.
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How long ago was it that Vietnamese wives were considered odd? 10 years? It’s amazing how rapidly attitudes are changing and I wouldn’t be surprised if in 10 years Indonesian spouses are culturally accepted.
At the moment, though, they aren’t.
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I always see these ladies running businesses, too. Restaurants, nail salons. They work hard as hell.
It’s really not a bad deal, is it? You can’t succeed with the local women, so you just import a hot wife from Vietnam. And she even makes money for you!
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How long ago was it that Vietnamese wives were considered odd? 10 years? It’s amazing how rapidly attitudes are changing and I wouldn’t be surprised if in 10 years Indonesian spouses are culturally accepted.
How about a young ABT guy like me with a Vietnamese partner?
Or are they seen as suitable only for betelnut-chewing uncles in rural southern Taiwan?
So dude, are you just out here to bag whatever woman will have you, or what?
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No, I am asking about hypothetical situations to see how Taiwanese society views different types of couples.
To Westerners, it doesn’t matter, but Asians place a big deal on how they are perceived by society because of “face.” That’s why I’m asking.
(Just hit my day-1 post limit, so I’m replying here.)
Like many Asian-American boys who are told only to study hard and work hard, I don’t think I have the social skills to bag Taiwanese and American women anyways.
ABT millennials are raised with strict 1970s KMT-era-style parenting. Modern Taiwanese youths think we’re dinosaurs from a previous generation.
Never even had an ethnic Taiwanese girlfriend because I don’t really know how to date one, even though there’s nothing wrong with my looks (Taiwanese girls have asked me if I’m a basketball player or athlete because of my looks).
If I did, I wouldn’t have ended up with an Indonesian maid girlfriend.
Raised in an insular suburban environment where we were told:
Study study study! No girlfriend in high school!
My dad would even tell me to stop reading history books and start picking up computer science books instead.
Then we’re suddenly expected to find a good partner once we graduate from college after spending most of our anti-social lives in buxiban, in front of computer screens, and cramming for exams.
By that time, our social skills are so stunted we don’t even know how to date women from own ethnicity/class, because the good old-fashioned kids get slotted into the friend zone by sophisticated Taiwanese and American women. Mom and dad don’t get that.
My cousins in Taipei can develop really natural interactions with Taiwanese girls.
But I don’t even know where to start.
I tried explaining this to my parents, but they tell me this can’t be true since there are lots of women out there.
As a westernized Asian, I honestly think you stand to get away with a bit more. We have that sort of built-in excuse of “Well, I’m American!”
I don’t know what’s going on with relationships between Taiwanese men and Taiwanese women. I know so many single women who I can’t believe are single. Something’s not working.
I’m not sure it’s simply a case of the Taiwanese men being unable to succeed with local women so having to take Vietnamese wives. I think there are some other factors at play.
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The general consensus among the Taiwanese women I know is Taiwanese men just don’t want to make the effort required to impress a Taiwanese woman anymore when they can just bag a hot, subservient, hardworking wife from Vietnam who isn’t as demanding and is mostly just happy to have the lifestyle upgrade.
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There’s probably some truth in that. However, there is always the Sex and the City angle - it’s all the useless men’s fault.
My wife’s sister is very attractive, highly successful, and terminally single. I can’t figure it out.
FWIW, I think some women here also set the bar really high. It’s hard to be a successful career man with your own place and car in Taiwan these days. Oh, who is also handsome, and doesn’t have a batshit insane mother.
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Honestly, I bet they are intimidated. Some men here can be so insecure. They don’t want to be the ones “being taken care of” by their wives.
The absolute fools!!!
The marrying into a family bit is a big issue from what I’ve heard.
Many a smart woman is deterred by a potentially awful set of in-laws. And rightly so.
If it’s any consolence I’m Western and I don’t know how to date a girl either
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It’s three years since I last rocked up to a CNY at the in-laws. Everyone seems quietly happy about this. My in-laws are good, by the way. Good enough to accept my absence, and probably enjoy it too.
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