I wanted to answer the poll but I couldn’t find an option for me.
I have been here almost 5 years and found myself absolutely loving the place after 6 months. Then married a local and had a great little son. However, I from time to time find myself hating the place and wanting to get on the next plane outta here. So, life is normal now, in NZ I’d also go stir crazy and want to get out.
Sometimes I think the way Taiwanese do things is crazy and there is nothing I can do about it. The way foreigners are treated by the govt here also makes me crazy. But, I have learnt to go about my life and fight things out when I have to and let everything else slide.
I have aquaintances, my wife and I are still in that bubble. Locals and foreigners alike don’t relate to our situation. We meet with another Taiwanese - Foreigner couple every now and again but not that often. I think the one thing that I miss is close friends that I can share my feelings with. I have one good Taiwanese friend but he is not the kind of person that I would choose as a friend in NZ so I find it difficult to have any meaningful discussion there.
Other foreigners that I know either work for me or are supervised by me, that makes meaningful friendship a little more difficult, you know on another level. They are also un-married and well I guess there is always that whole “marriage bubble” thing too, oh, and the “kid bubble”.
Yikes, this is going on a bit. The last thing then would be interests. I am a musician, a bass player. There is nothing for me to be involved with here, perhaps if I lived in Taipei it would be different. Religion… Tachia is not exactly the place to be interested or committed to religion, mmmmm “religion”, I mean finding a group of Christians in Tachia is … well, there was one place but they moved and now I can’t find them. Even they had a language barrier, they mixed Taiwanese and Mandarin. I speak Mandarin and don’t speak much Taiwanese so that one was like hitting my head against a wall.
So, my life revolves around work and $$$$$, two things that I never had much time for before I came to Taiwan.
My wish for this year is to find more foreigners to be friends with, hopefully those in a similar situation as me, those married to locals, and those with kids are always a plus ( my wife just goes all gooey over all mixed blood (hate that term) kids). I am not excluding foreign couples, it’s just that most get uncomfortable with a mix of culture and languages. In short, I’d welcome anyone but I am looking at reality or am I???
How can you say this? How can you compare my moving to and staying in Taiwan so that my relationship can continue to someone staying in an abusive relationship? I almost fell off my chair when I read that. I don’t even see the connection.[/quote]
If you have to be in a relationship where you are brought to a place where you have no friends, are constantly unhappy, and your career is dragging, and feel like the only friends you do have are ones that are using you, then you are keeping yourself in a bad relationship. Much like someone who is beaten by his partner should split ASAP, someone in a situation like yours, if it is truly as big as a drag as you say, might want to consider splitting as well.
How can you say this? How can you compare my moving to and staying in Taiwan so that my relationship can continue to someone staying in an abusive relationship? I almost fell off my chair when I read that. I don’t even see the connection.[/quote]
If you have to be in a relationship where you are brought to a place where you have no friends, are constantly unhappy, and your career is dragging, and feel like the only friends you do have are ones that are using you, then you are keeping yourself in a bad relationship. Much like someone who is beaten by his partner should split ASAP, someone in a situation like yours, if it is truly as big as a drag as you say, might want to consider splitting as well.[/quote]
Flicka, do you actually read what I write or do you just skim my post for the “cringe-able” bits?
I am not constantly unhappy. But, neither am I thinking of this as a thrill-a-minute, joy ride, either. When it comes to my relationship with my bf I am 100% happy. When it comes to living in Taiwan, I am only about 40% happy. Though, I am assuming that if I can find ways to change my attitude and adjust better to living here I’ll be happier… on the order of 70-80%.
Why should I give up 100% of happiness with someone, just because the rest of my life is difficult at this moment. Once again, my purpose of starting this thread is to find ways to change my attitude, change my behaviors, and become happier here. Because, as I said before, part of the problems I am having here are of my own making due to a poor attitude, etc…
By the way, I don’t “have to be” in this relationship. As I tried to explain before, I chose to be in this relationship. I chose to move here to continue this relationship. And, I have chosen to stay here to continue being in this relationship, despite the challenges.
My career is in limbo at the moment. However, I am working to remedy that.
I never said that I feel like the friends I have are all using me. Where did you get that? Did you read my most recent response to joesax? I have a number of friends who are not (at least to my knowledge) using me. I just don’t have many very close friends I feel I can really talk to.
I did, however, say that I sometimes find it hard to make friends because some people, who say they want to be my friend, only want to be my friend for the free English practice. If that is the only reason they want to know me, though, then the friendship will not last. This is in contrast to the young guy I mentioned earlier who, initially wanted to meet me to practice his English. But, over the weeks, as we talked, we became friends. Still, though, he is not someone I would get real personal with.
I know you weren’t patronising me. And, I also know you were just trying to help.
Let me apologize, publicly, to you and everyone if in my posts to you all I have come across asinsert negative adjective here in anyway.
Though this type of forum/medium is great in many ways, it lacks the ability to indicate the subtleties of human emotion (even when we overuse… ah… use emoticons). And, because of that, we as readers can often read into someone’s post emotions, meanings that are not there. This, then, can lead to taking offense at something someone said, when no offense was meant, intended or even in existence.
At one time or another, I have misunderstood others posts and so have most of the participants in this forum. It will most likely happen again. But, for now, I apologize.
I’m sorry if I gave you the impression I am being a hermit and/or handing out applications for friendships – “Sorry, I can’t be your friend. You don’t have the qualifications I am looking for.” Nothing is farther from the truth. I am very open to meeting new people. However, right now I seem to be only meeting people who turn into “activity partners.” I’d like to find some more close friends (and, YES, I know that takes time and may develop from the “activity partners”).[/quote]
QM,
I did misunderstood your post. Do you agree that you are looking for “Soul Mates”? You have a boyfriend(Soul Mate#1) and a close friend(Soul Mate#2). I must congratulate you because you are lucky enough.
All my friends are good, and some are close. Albeit none can understand what I am thinking, not to mention emotional share or blah blah blah.
Don’t you feel that it is impossible to find such a person easily? You got 2 and still want more! GREEDY!! GREEDY!!
Or if you are looking for “deep” people, then yes you need to try hard to look for them. As I know, some sounds quite deep here. Wanna try some. I am quite deep if neglect my English ability. LOL (If you cannot feel so, you misread me here! Trust me!)
It took my husband and me the best part of a year to adjust to living in Taiwan, and we’d both lived in a number of other countries before without needing the same degree of adjustment. The turning point was when I met a Taiwanese woman (in a park!) who came over to chat with me and my kids. We then met her husband and as families, got together on a regular basis. These people turned our lives around. They took us to see things, offered advice on dealing with Taiwanese stuff we were unfamiliar with, helped out with the language… I would say that this Taiwanese woman is now amongst the few very close friends I have in various parts of the world. At around the same time I also got involved with a small group of foreigners. Suddenly having friends made me go from really lamenting my plight being stuck in Taiwan to really enjoying being there. My whole attitude changed. The next year flew by, and I was very disappointed not to be able to prolong our stay in Taiwan when my husband’s contract came to an end. I’d say that having friends to share and chat with is the most important factor in adjusting to a new place.
IMO, if you are already outgoing and friendly with the people you meet, you’re on the right path to finding a few good friends. With a bit of luck and perseverance, you’ll eventually meet those people. It does seem to take a while in Taiwan, but, since your personal relationship is 100% good, there’s no reason that you shouldn’t eventually get to the point where life in Taiwan isn’t too bad afterall !
I hated Taiwan until I awoke one morning to the sound of the monks in the temple across the way doing their 5am chants. I looked off my balcony down at the open sewers full of shit and trash, the betelnut and dog crap all over the road, thought about the horrible meal I’d eaten the night before, the scooter that had hit me on my bicycle, the unintelligible sounds of Mandarin and Taiwanese all around me, and sort of had one of those moments of clarity, which was basically a matter of saying to myself “It ain’t like home, buddy, but it never promised to be. Buck up and start enjoying life again.” For whatever reason, that stuck with me.
Learning Mandarin well enough to converse on a deep level with those who are actually interested in conversing on a deep level helped more than anything. Keep up the language study. Sort of like a world opening up to you. I think that if I didn’t speak Mandarin and a bit of Taiwanese, I’d absolutely hate living here.
Good luck and best wishes, QM. You sure aren’t alone, eh?
Once again, thanks to everyone (including Flicka Hugs!) for their support and advice.
Well, I wouldn’t actually call my close Taiwanese friend a “soulmate.” But, I must admit I hadn’t looked at it the way you stated – that I am lucky to have at least two people to call close friends. I guess, like I have been doing a lot since I moved here, I am focusing on what I don’t have instead of enjoying what I do have and/or trying to enjoy (and make the best of) the adventure that is living in Taiwan (sort of like Tomas’ comments about his “Taiwanese Epiphany” ).
Thanks, kimi, for bringing my “greediness” to my attention. If there was a “kiss” smiley, I’d give you a big one. Flowers will have to be sufficient. :flowers:
I guess the reasons I want another close friend, preferrably foreign, is two-fold.
Even though my bf is my soulmate, and we have a very open & communicative relationship, I sometimes want a different perspective when it comes to the world around me, whether that means my Taiwanese environment or the world at large. And, there are some things that he prefers not to talk about. For instance, politics.
With my other close friend, as I mentioned before, being that he’s a non-native English speaker, we sometimes have trouble communicating, especially when it comes to deeper topics. He just doesn’t yet have the vocabulary to talk about those things. We still talk about them from time to time, and in the process I “teach” him new words/concepts in English. However, there are times I just want to have a conversation without having to resort to “teaching” mode. You know?
And, again, like with my bf, there are topics he doesn’t like to talk about that I sometimes want to have a conversation about.
It seems to me that people who came to Taiwan for a purpose, like a job, girlfriend, boyfirend, wife, husband, to convert the heathens etc are more likely to have a hard time adjusting. I just sort of drifted into Taiwan by mistake when I was travelling (I got confused with Thailand and then it was too late to change the tickets). Pretty much loved the place from the moment the bus drove into Taipei. It felt great to get somewhere real again after those tourist trap SE Asian places where you walk around with a xvirtual neon sign on your head saying ‘Tourist’ and you can’t help worrying that every l;ocal is just after your money one way or the other (because 95% of the time that’s the case).
Just kidding about the Thailand/Taiwan mix up by the way.
My advice and its blunt so don’t read if you’re easily offended…
Give Interlink Travel a call and buy a one way ticket outa here ASAP. Avoid confrontation with your local boy by saying you’re going to see a sick family member back home. Then leave a do not come back.
You are making too many sacrifices and unnecessary changes in your life to justify staying with this guy and living in this place. It has nothing to do with lack of friends or being a foreigner. The problem is the culture. If your b.f. was from England and you were living just outside of London you would not being having this problem.
I’m sure the idea sounded great at first and love is a wonderful thing but you must realize what you are doing will not make you happy in the long run. There are over 6 billion people in the world today. With those odds, you can find another guy who looks just like the one you have now, and even better, the new one will have marketable skills that have already allowed him to secure a good job in the country which you left behind. He probably already has an apartment/house, a car, friends similar to the ones you left behind and more importantly has the same background as you. Familiar background and similar culture are very important for while the average divorce rate for marriages in the US runs around 50%, its up to 80% for mixed cultural marriages.
From what I understand, January in Oz is just beautiful… shouldn’t you be there now? Jeannie at Interlink is waiting for your call…
Hiydee ho you supperduuper spellin chekerz outa ther! Me makee u vewwwy happpy yez?
Sheesh. Breaking up is hard to do. There are simpler, more humane solutions:
Have the boyfriend pithed so that he can be declared unable to take care of himself. Get formally declared his legal guardian so that you can take him back home.
Commit armed robbery in San Francisco so you can get a free sex-change operation while in prison. Marry if you get out.
Have the boyfriend enter into a sham marriage with some greedy faghag so that he can legally stay in your home country. Only costs about US$10,000, plus maybe she’ll cook and clean house for you.
Dress him in a dog suit and ship him home in cargo. Visit him in quarantine daily so you can sneak him non-dogfood. Be sure to get a medical certificate from the vet first so they don’t re-vaccinate him.
Following your heart is never easy. Good luck, QM! :moo:
I agree absolutely about having a hobby that involves others. It puts you under a commitment to make time for fun, because other people are relying on you. It’s very easy to neglect your hobby if it’s one that you do when you feel like it. If it’s one that involves meeting a group then you stick with it and are happier for it.
QM, may I suggest hooking up with one of those walking groups that assembles at Taipei Station early on a Sunday? Lots o’ chinese speakers to spend the day chatting with and get out into the fresh air at the same time.
But that’s just a cosmetic solution if your problems run deeper. You need to really be clear about your situation, which I think you are halfway to doing.
You’ve listed your dissatisfactions. Do it again, more precisely and try to identify the common themes.
In my case the thing that gets me down the most is the ‘alien’ attitudes that I know I’m never going to adjust to. I’m simply not going to adopt Taiwanese ways of doing things, and that’s that. There is always going to be a cultural difference, and that seems to be the same for most people here.
What else? You mention your job, and nobody has really addressed that issue. If you’re spending half your waking time in an unsatisfactory situation then how the hell can you hope to be happy? I had a nightmare job when I first came here, followed by one that became pretty problematical. Would you be surprised to know that I hated Taiwan at that time?
All I wanted to do was get together enough money to get out of here. Now things are different. I have a satisfactory working environment, so all I have to worry about is my free time. I live in my bubble, which encompasses a few Taiwanese people and the good people of Forumosa. So I could stay here indefinitely, or at least until the attitudes get me down too much.
Being realistic, one day I’ll get fed up and I’ll be on an aeroplane within a few weeks of that day. Somebody posted elsewhere that most of us only stay here due to being in a relationship. I’m unlikely to have that as I’ve given up on TW girls (and boys) so there’s nothing keeping me here except inertia. Inertia wears off if your life is going nowhere, at least it does for me.
In your case, there is a reason to stay. But ask yourself honestly if the cultural differences are ever going to go away. Will your boyfriend ever talk about politics with you? Are you ever going to be part of Taiwan? Or will you always be a foreigner, hanging out with foreigners because they understand you? Of course you’ll have TW friends, as I do, and some of them may become good friends - but will you ever feel that you belong here?
The answer is no, at least for me. But I can cope with being here because I’ve been able to reduce the problem to manageable size. And, let’s face it, no place is perfect. There will be some problem wherever you go.
So fix your career. Find a decent job, and don’t wait six months to do it. I’ve broken one contract, been fired from another, and had a couple of other jobs. I’ve been blacklisted, overstayed twice, and am on my third ARC now. I’ve lost count of the visa runs I’ve done. Not bad for 18 months in Taiwan, eh? But I’m still here legally, and because I chose to endure the short-term pain I got to where I am now that much quicker.
You can wait six months more, then find another job that may or may not be better, and be no better off really. Or you can take your courage in your hands, and start shopping for a decent job now. Move as soon as you find something better, and be prepared to move again. Accept the visa runs and other crap as the price of self-determination, but don’t let situations or other people determine how you live your life. You’ll feel better to be doing something about your situation too.
One last thing. Where is this relationship leading you? How happy will you be in five or ten years if you’re still in Taiwan, doing the same job, dealing with the same crap? A relationship is only part of a whole life, and if the relationship impacts the rest of your life too much then something has to give.
You have to look forward and you, like me, are at an age where the decisions you make are going to be very hard to reverse. We simply don’t have enough years left to go start building yet another life if everything goes pear-shaped in five years. You’re not a 20yr old following is love on a romantic quest that he will look back on nostalgically when he grows up. You’re a grown-up determining the future course of your life.
Just to say I do sympathise with your situation, QM - I’m here under similar circumstances (ie I take responsibility for coming, but I would not personally have chosen to come), but with the very big difference that I do expect to return ‘home’ in time. At the moment I am not yet “settled” enough to worry about not adjusting!
I do have a question - it seems that you would be or at least feel you would be much happier living in the US, and it also seems like your bf wouldn’t mind. So is your bf’s inability to get a job the main thing that prevents you living there? And is this a skills issue or a green card issue or something else? I know next to nothing about US immigration so this may be a pointless question to ask - I just thought there is at least another way to look at the problem - getting you adjusted to Taiwan vs. getting your bf a job in the States. There might also be the option of emigrating to a third country that suits both of you.
Thanks for the thoughtful advice and the questions you posed. Here are some comments.
Good idea. I’ll see what I can do. I’ve also been looking into doing some volunteer work that will get me back into doing things that are related to my former career. This would keep me involved and active, but also avoid me “messing up” my professional life too much.
[quote]You need to really be clear about your situation, which I think you are halfway to doing.
You’ve listed your dissatisfactions. Do it again, more precisely and try to identify the common themes.[/quote]
I thought I was more than halfway there. The one overriding theme, which I think I’ve admitted to and mentioned before, has been my poor attitude about being here. Yes, I didn’t have to come here. And, yes, as frankformosa so gently puts it, I could dump my bf and skeedaddle out of here.
However, I came here in the first place and stay here for two reasons. The most important one is that, despite what all the nay-sayers on her say, I love my bf and feel my relationship is important enough to sacrifice for. If I didn’t, I wouldn’t have come in the first place. Nor, would I have stayed for this long.
The other reason is that, because of the above, I don’t want to just throw in the towel so quickly/easily. Yes, some will say it has been too long or hard already. But, I disagree. Before giving up this relationship, I want to make sure my bf and I have tried everything we can to stay together.
I know that, if I find I just can’t adjust and/or I decide that I’m throwing away my life/career by being here, I may have to leave Taiwan. And, if my boyfriend is unable to secure a job in the US by that time, I may have to leave him. That will mean either having a long distance relationship or breaking up. However, before that happens, I want to make sure I’ve done everything possible to make this work.
My first year here I was teaching. I liked the actual teaching, I just hated the circumstances – fluctuating hours/pay each month, working evenings and weekends, not getting paid for prep hours, commute time. So, when my contract was up I switched to this job (editing/writing). It addressed some of the problems I had with the teaching job.
However, I’m finding that, while I don’t mind writing per se and I’m good at it, I don’t really get satisfaction in writing marketing pieces, etc… about computers & computer components. Add to that the fact that I’m beginning to hate my boss and it is causing me to be unhappy with my job.
I definitely agree that having a job I like will help things. To that end I’ll be looking for something else when my contract is up. If I knew I could do that earlier, without risking getting deported, I would.
Probably not. But, the question is, how can I deal with those differences?
This is really not that big of a deal. I’m not a political maven or anything. I was just using it as an example of why I wanted some more close friends. Besides, he never liked talking politics while we were living in the US either. So, it wouldn’t matter where we were living.
I can’t answer this question. Mainly because I have not… note, I said, again, “I have not” (I am not blaming this on others or Taiwan)… given myself the chance to find out. I’ve spent too much time focusing on the past and future and not on the present.
You are right. No place is perfect. However, I’m hoping that by learning Mandarin, finding more friends, getting a better job, and, ultimately, changing my attitude, I can reduce it to a manageable size, as you have.
I’d be interested in talking to you, in person if you are in Taipei, on how you did this, your experiences, etc…
For now, this relationship is the best thing for me (I truly believe that), despite the challenges. Will I feel the same in 5 to 10 years if I’m still in Taiwan? If I want to be honest with you and myself, I can’t answer that, because I don’t know. I am hoping that, with changes I am working on and want to make, I can make a good life for myself here with my bf, for however long we are here.
By the way, if I haven’t mentioned it before, my bf does NOT really want to stay here any more than I do. The difficulty is the the visa issue in the US. He graduated with his MBA right before 9/11. So, his job search was impacted by the effects of that on the economy and immigration situation. He had a number of companies interested in him, but they did not have the budget at the time to hire him (or anyone, for that matter). Or, they were not willing to hire a foreigner and go through all the paperwork for a visa.
We have started to look at moving to Canada which has permanent-partner immigration rights, separate from the up-coming same-sex marriages they say they are going to institute.
Though I agree with this, in part, I think I’ve been focusing too much on the future (and the past) and not focusing enough on making a life for myself here in Taiwan, right now, while I’m here. You know?
Speak for yourself!!! I’m going to live forever.
[quote]Where is this taking you, my friend?[/quote] Ah… on a grand Taiwanese adventure???
QM, you can deal with those differences you and stragbasher mention simply by deciding to relish and appreciate the fact that things are so different. You are in the driver’s seat there. If you choose to emphasize the differences in a way that hurts you and gets you down, that’s certainly your perogative, but you can also choose to just let go of the things that bother you and accentuate the positive. Entirely a matter of mental discipline and choice. I’m not talking about putting blinders on. Awareness, and an attempt at objectivity, is vital to mental health. I’m talking about just letting go of the things that bother you. Most of us are threatened by thoughts and approaches that are different from our own. We get defensive. For me, the key is to just let things go. Release the mental/emotional toxins, so to speak. I hope that makes sense.
I would also like to add that I have great admiration for anyone who chooses to stick it out for love. A long-term relationship isn’t easy to maintain. Selfishness often gets in the way. It takes a great deal of character to put someone else’s needs before your own. That’s why so many people give up quickly when things get difficult. As a fairly selfish bastard, I know how tough it is to stick, even when you feel like you’ve found your soulmate. Sure, there are some relationships where the two people aren’t in proper alignment with each other, but some are worth fighting for. To quote my former literature teacher, kudos to you.
Why don’t you get married?
It’s really not a big deal and then you guys can give it a shot in the US? Unless you are not from the US. What you got to lose , a divorce---- Seems to me this is not much to risk.
I hated Taiwan for about a year and a half, for about six months I was probably borderline psycho. All the normal irritations of life were magnified 1000 times. My friends left, my job fell through, I was living with a-holes, I had no money. Hell I would hate anywhere.
But then I met a nice girl and found a job in my field and stabilised my income and learned some chinese. Now I think Taiwan is acceptable to live in. Not always enjoyable but not bad. I’ve filled up my life and will stay a while longer. I stayed because of her. I understand Quiet Mountain. You have to give it a shot, not give up so easily. Sometimes you got to sacrifice for a while and try and find a way to make things better. Moving to a foreign country is not the worst thing that can happen.
I met most of my foreign friends through my girlfriend, isn’t that funny! She is more outgoing. You really need to make an effort. It’s not easy. Everybody goes through phases where they feel ‘bubblised’, especially if you are in a long term relationship or live here for a few years. A couple of good people I knew left after one year. I also have a new hobby I took up in Taiwan and I met a bunch of people and it fills in the hours in the week and on the weekend. I always avoid Taiwanese who want to learn English, I think we’ve all had experience of these people. I refuse to answer any surveys and never help little kids or college students with their homework. I tell little kids who are sitting beside me staring to go away in front of their mothers. At first they always think I am joking until I say it again with a mean face. Then go back to enjoying my coffee Don’t intefere with my quality time dudes!
I find that culturally I’m in a void because there’s not many people here where I’m from and that is something I worry about. Not that I miss them a lot but I am afraid my accent is being destroyed. I do miss being part of a bigger group when there is nobody to explain about some music or cultural reference (I tend to get unnaturally excited when home appears on discovery channel) except my girlfriend who has to listen to the same old history lectures! There’s also some activities that I can’t do like golf , going to a big match or getting away from the crowd in a scenic area( yes I know you can do to the mountains etc here but the transport is quite difficult, not comfortable and when there is a holiday ‘people sea’ occurs- although YangMingShan is still pretty awesome in general).
My mobile isn’t exactly ringing off the hook with invitations to parties but so be it. I also have a good Taiwanese friend I work with that helps me out with stuff and makes me feel that some local people care. I find learning Chinese very frustrating because of time, slow progress and not getting response from people. The way I like to learn is by looking at things around me or reading signs and ads etc and associating with phonics but I can’t use that system here.
This is what I’m trying to do. But, I’ve found, since I started off this experience with a rather negative attitude, it is easier said than done. Ya know?
Thanks. This is good to hear after a few have been telling me to dump him and/or that I’m in an abusive relationship.
Tell that to George Bush! Mr. Head, if you haven’t noticed from my other posts, the cute little rainbow flag attached to my posts, or my signature block that I am gay. If you haven’t noticed from the news of the last few months, the good Ole US of A hasn’t quite gotten around to accepting the idea of same-sex marriages/civil unions, let alone recognizing them as a basis of granting green cards/citizenship to a foreigner.
If I could have gotten a green card/citizenship for my man, we wouldn’t be in Taiwan and you wouldn’t have made me smile with your very much appreciated, but a bit off track advice.
This is one reason that we are looking into moving to Canada now. Not only is the “land up north” working toward recognizing gay marriages, they currently have same-sex immigration rights. So, if one of us becomes a permanent resident, the other can get it through him. Plus, amazingly enough, they don’t require you to have a job first to apply for residency. You just have to prove you have marketable skills that will allow you to get a job.
QM I too live in a bubble of a small number of fairly close people. But then I did in my home country too, although the bubble was slightly bigger.
I have highs & lows here as I did in my home country. Like the geography compared to home . The highs here are higher & the lows lower.
This is normal I think for living in a foreign country. All of us here probably feel “something is missing” , hence the need to communicate on a website like this. I tend to do this sporadically particularly just after I have returned from a visit to my homecountry. I notice that many of the most regular posters are married to locals. This may reflect thier need to reach out from the local scene for stimulation (I will probably regret writing that !).
I suppose all this says is you are not alone in your emotions wether you are here for a short or long time.
Suggestions ? 1. Live in the present rather than the past or the future.As already mentioned fill your life with a variety of activities, it will keep you interested & make you more interesting to others. Related to this
2. Keep the balance of power in your relationship. Its sad but true that “he who loves the least controls the relationship”. I think your b/f is in control at the moment. That may be fine, but if you become withdrawn & too down about this place then you will not be the same person who he fell in love with in the US.
!
Hugs!) for their support and advice.
Flowers will have to be sufficient. :flowers:
The one overriding theme, which I think I’ve admitted to and mentioned before, has been my poor attitude about being here. Yes, I didn’t have to come here. And, yes, as frankformosa so gently 
puts it, I could dump my bf and skeedaddle out of here.
Don’t intefere with my quality time dudes!