No smart-alec comments please gentlemen, not this time.
I have a young Taiwanese lady-friend, and enjoy a fairly close platonic relationship. ie I get to hear about her boyfriend problems and try to give fatherly advice.
She’s reached a few conclusions:
She likes sex. Can’t fault her on that one.
She prefers foreign guys. No comment.
She wants a steady boyfriend, and had one until recently. (Older, foreign.) Hmmm.
What with school, parents, etc., she doesn’t have time for a ‘proper’ relationship. Hard to argue. Buxiban at 9:30 on a Friday night?
So far so manageable. Enter a friend who I shall call Spicey.
Spicey is a couple of years older and is a beautician or wannabe actress or something. I’ve never met her, as far as I know, but she’s a big fan of the one-night stand. She even gets on the internet to find them. If you perform well on the first ‘date’ you might get invited back for a rematch, or not. She has apparently been known to get so drunk that she has to phone around the next day to find out who she shagged. Spicey prefers foreigners too.
This week my friend, who is already a regular nightclubber, announced that she’s thinking of going the same route. If she can’t manage a real relationship, and the guys she likes just want sex, and since Spicey seems happy doing things this way…
So what the hell do I say?
Comments on a postcard to Loretta’s Agony Column please.
I hope I didn’t come across as smart-alecky in my last. I meant it sincerely. You could advise her to be safe, but if she is determined to play the field, there’s not much you can say but good luck and advise her to put a wrapper on his zapper. Also, if you have any interest in the girl (not saying you do, but many do in these cases), it might be a good idea to speak now.
I say take a slice of that pizza before everyone finishes it. In other words, before she’s all used up and dispises foreigners, get in there for a dig.
This lady looks like she wants to explore and that’s fine but the second she’s conned into a bareback rodeo and happens to catch the drip or worse (dare I mention), then she’ll begin to realise what she’s doing and blame everyone and everything for it instead of herself. It’s too bad that their dillusions take some women as far off as to believe it’s a better life with a foreigner. A more open point of view that can be completely lost in the mix. It seems like she’s lookin for fun in all the wrong places (See: Strobe Light Hoe). Most of these girls eventually crawl back to the local boys after they’re worn out. Sad.
On the bright side of things, her English will improve to the point where you’ll be guessing if she studied overseas or not.
Loretta, If you’re sincerely not going for a ride on this chick, then stick to your guns and be supportive. You’ll cringe at every new story and heartbreak. The questions of ‘why?’ will be frequent but if you keep conveying to her that she should believe in herself and that there are different outlets, then you might be able to sway this girl into being a healthy individual.
Any responses in the way of “she’s out for fun” is a bowl of fresh turds. Ladies don’t usually run off and get drunk to the point where they don’t have the foggiest of who spooged them. Definetely something under it all. Confidence or Self Approval? Hmmm.
I wrote something long winded and seemingly intelligent, but I too painfully realize that I don’t know much about this scene. I’ve been thinking about going there myself, but there’s something stopping me.
I would encourage the lonely lady to be very cautious and to absolutely be reasonably sober and practice safe sex. I know a few guys who like to cruise the bars, and they all say they don’t use condoms. :loco: She can try it out; possibly it’s not what she really wants.
I would be a bit concerned about the other one who presumably gets what she wants but gets so bombed that she doesn’t even remember it. I would say there’s a problem there.
Some people can’t feel anything unless it’s the wrong thing. Or something like that.
I’ve got to agree with most of the comments so far. I reckon if she is going to go down this road, you might as well tag along for the ride. However, I just hope she knows what sort of people she is going to attract and can handle it. If she has her head screwed on, she will get what she wants and on her terms. If she loses it like the other lady you mentioned, God knows what she will end up with! :loco:
Honestly, I would suggest you advice her to reconsider. Look, if she hasn’t already gone slutty, then it is not in her character to do so, and she is only doing this out of desperation, or the feeling that she is missing out on something (common when you’re really young and gets you into a lot of stupid situations). As everyone has pointed out, there are repercussions to playing the field, both physically and emotionally, and it is doubtful she has the strength of character to deal with either. If she did, have strength of character that is, she would endure the lull in her love life right now. Changing character in mid-stream is not a good idea.
Now if she wanted to experiment because she felt she had lived too safe or prudish a life then I would say yes, encourage her to broaden her horizons. But she is wanting to do this from a position of weakness. Don’t encourage someone to do something not in their character because they are going through a bad time. You should instead talk to her about what she believes in, what she wants out of life, both now and for the future, and help her find the courage to follow those goals, and to be herself, even when the going is rough.
Sounds a bit corny, but it’s better to help someone to become stronger than become a mess.
[quote=“Loretta”]No smart-alec comments please gentlemen, not this time.
I have a young Taiwanese lady-friend, and enjoy a fairly close platonic relationship. ie I get to hear about her boyfriend problems and try to give fatherly advice.
She’s reached a few conclusions:
She likes sex. Can’t fault her on that one.
She prefers foreign guys. No comment.
She wants a steady boyfriend, and had one until recently. (Older, foreign.) Hmmm.
What with school, parents, etc., she doesn’t have time for a ‘proper’ relationship. Hard to argue. Buxiban at 9:30 on a Friday night?
[/quote]
Well, my guess is that she’s just exploring her own sexuality and is curious. Nothing wrong with ONS if you can handle it. A lot of girls claim that they can but they can’t. I have plenty of GFs who get emotionally attached, it’s dangerous if she can’t detach emotionally. If she can, then by all means ENJOY!
Besides the obvious practising safe sex, she’s an adult and she can do whatever she wants. You’re not her BF, husband nor father. I’m wondering if we would be having this discussion thread if the story started this way instead:
“I have a young Taiwanese friend, and we are fairly close buddies. ie I get to hear about his girlfriend problems and try to give fatherly advice.”
I’m not being smart-alecky, but even if I were, let me remind that you only asked guys not to do that:
But, seriously. Why do you feel you need to intervene?[/quote]
In the first line he mentioned that this woman talks to him all the time about her life and he gives “fatherly” advice. It stands to reason then that she has asked for his advice on this new issue, or, expects it since this is how their relationship works. I don’t think he is intervening but playing his normal role in their friendship.
Yarbles. Who even knows what a “normal” sex drive is. I mean lets say that you could even find anyone who was coming into it without a lot of shame or guilt or compulsions, what would they do in an environment that offered up tons of the stuff? Go looking for it on the internet? Maybe. People on the internet are just people. It’s as good a place to look as any. Or not.
Seriously, if she asked me I’d suggest that she recognize the dangers involved and to not do anything she didn’t honestly enjoy.
What I meant was that it seems that Loretta feels she has to give some weighty advice that will steer the course of this girl’s life one way or another. Although it’s nice for a young girl to have an older brother figure, someone that’s going to look out for her and give advice, but in the end she’ll still do what she wants to do. Whether it’s right or wrong, it’s her decision to make. Not much Loretta can do to influence that anyway.
The best you can do is teach her about protection and let her make mistakes and learn from them.
I’ve done tons of stupid things and look how great I turned out!
What I meant was that it seems that Loretta feels she has to give some weighty advice that will steer the course of this girl’s life one way or another. Although it’s nice for a young girl to have an older brother figure, someone that’s going to look out for her and give advice, but in the end she’ll still do what she wants to do. Whether it’s right or wrong, it’s her decision to make. Not much Loretta can do to influence that anyway.
The best you can do is teach her about protection and let her make mistakes and learn from them.
I’ve done tons of stupid things and look how great I turned out! [/quote]
Perhaps you’ve never had someone who you were able to turn to for good advice (not just turned to for an ear to listen to) but people can have a big impact on the decisions others make. Yes, this girl will make her own decision, but if someone gives her a better alternative, or wizens her up on the choice she is about to make, she may reconsider. Even if she doesn’t reconsider at least if things go wrong she will have some narrative in her head to explain it instead of wallowing in quilt and self-recrimination.
Do you understand that people here don’t have a previous generation or two who have been through what they are going through? They can’t look back and learn from their own society. Their peers are as hopeless as they are. So they make elemental mistakes which are glaringly obvious to any western person. Why should Loretta encourage his friend to reinvent the wheel, or, at best, ask that she simply make sure the rubber on the wheels is in good shape?
I think you should advise her to slowly delve in and not head first dive.
Start with a fuck buddy or something…Or maybe takes guys home and mess around but no sex. See if she feels okay with herself.
Thing is, you need to advise her to make sure she doesn’t go past the limits to where she is still okay with herself.
[quote=“Muzha Man”] Perhaps you’ve never had someone who you were able to turn to for good advice (not just turned to for an ear to listen to) but people can have a big impact on the decisions others make. Yes, this girl will make her own decision, but if someone gives her a better alternative, or wizens her up on the choice she is about to make, she may reconsider. Even if she doesn’t reconsider at least if things go wrong she will have some narrative in her head to explain it instead of wallowing in quilt and self-recrimination.
Do you understand that people here don’t have a previous generation or two who have been through what they are going through? They can’t look back and learn from their own society. Their peers are as hopeless as they are. So they make elemental mistakes which are glaringly obvious to any western person. Why should Loretta encourage his friend to reinvent the wheel, or, at best, ask that she simply make sure the rubber on the wheels is in good shape? [/quote]
Lovely insights. I mean if we can’t help each other by talking, why talk? It is likely that Loretta will learn as much as the girl through this process but the dialogue is crucial irregardless.
Of course it is entirley possible that this young woman is as sexually sophisticated as the rest of us put together and is just hoping to twist Loretta’s nipples with all this sex talk and get him into bed.
The only certain thing about sexuality if you ask me is that, aside from professionals perhaps, nobody knows a damn thing except this - If s/he is too dumb to use a condom, s/he is too dumb to sleep with.
[quote=“Loretta”]
3. She wants a steady boyfriend, and had one until recently. (Older, foreign.) Hmmm.
4. What with school, parents, etc., she doesn’t have time for a ‘proper’ relationship. Hard to argue. Buxiban at 9:30 on a Friday night?
Tell her that other people are busy, too, and still find time for a relationship.
Now here is my simple calculation:
If she has to find someone for having sex whenever she wants it, she
[/quote]