Sounds like she’s got a friend who wants to drag her down with her. I have a good female friend who was sort of in the same situation. As it turned out, she just got sick of her Spicey-type friend after a while, then dabbled a bit with lesbianisn, then finally married and settled down with a nice ABC gentleman.
I am not sure why you would get involved. Young people go through a lot of silly phases and role models. With all due respect, is there a part of you that wishes you could get the first crack if she decides to go down hoe street?
Ask her how she’ll feel about going “all out” now when she’s 35. I like MM’s recommendation of “wait it out until you have time for a more serious relationship” being the prude that I am. But I don’t know this girl so I don’t how practical that advice is. Maybe she knows a lot of spinster women who wanted to be good girls and now are 35 or 40 and have no one and no great memories either and doesn’t want that.
Loretta, if you’re truly trying to be fatherly, then say both, “I wish you wouldn’t go on a sexual feeding frenzy, as it may have consequences that you might not enjoy all that much down the road, broken heart, STDs or pregnancy included,” and “However, if you do decide to sleep with someone you don’t really know at all (or a BF for that matter), always always practice safe sex.”
Perhaps I never wanted someone else to make my decisions for me. Talking, sharing opinions, experiences and views is one thing, giving advice on the basis of assuming to know what’s better for another person is patronizing.
[quote]
Do you understand that people here don’t have a previous generation or two who have been through what they are going through? They can’t look back and learn from their own society. Their peers are as hopeless as they are. So they make elemental mistakes which are glaringly obvious to any western person. Why should Loretta encourage his friend to reinvent the wheel, or, at best, ask that she simply make sure the rubber on the wheels is in good shape? [/quote]
And this is highly patronizing of Taiwanese culture in general. Not to mention prejudiced toward the person. What? Just because their mothers didn’t go clubbing with English teachers at the Vibe, that means all Taiwanse girls should be presumed naive and easy prey, not able to judge for themselves that a one-night-stand with a drunken foreigner not be the best idea?!
I think you have good intentions and I don’t think you mean to do this, but really, if you were a foreigner living in my country back when I was what I presume is in the same age group as Loretta’s friend, and you talked to me like this, assuming this attitude, you would not have been the person I would go to advice. To say the least.
I don’t know tash, getting different perspectives is also a good thing and not all that patronizing. Of course people will say what they think is best. That’s the point of soliciting advice is it not?
Well actually their mothers were probably at Spin, but granny was more likely down the Zone doing American soldiers for some coin to put the kiddies through English class. Before that of course were the mainland soldiers and before them, the Japanese. Taiwan has a proud history of blocking new invasions by throwing the womenfolk at the invader.
I don’t know tash, getting different perspectives is also a good thing and not all that patronizing. Of course people will say what they think is best. That’s the point of soliciting advice is it not?
jds[/quote]
Ai-yo! You’re really making me spell it out. OK.
Here’s the difference between being a friend and being a parent:
Girl: Before I get into another serious relationship, I want to party and have one-night-stands! What do you think?
Scenario A
Parent-type: Oh, I don’t think you should. I don’t think you know what that means. Men will use you, especially foreigners. They have no respect for women. They just want you for sex. You don’t know this because you’re the first generation of Taiwanese women to deal with this, but I know better. So, don’t.
Girl: Well, I just want sex too, so what’s the difference?
Parent-type: Uh… you’re a woman? Uh… you’re Taiwanese?
Scenario B
same question…
Friend-type: From my experience, one-night-stands aren’t the most fulfilling types of encounters, even when they’re just for sex, but not everyone feels that way, so they might work for you. Just make sure you don’t expect these men to fill any emotional need you might have. And be careful (insert tips on being careful).
Oh, and if you’re doing this because you’re under the illusion that all Western men are per se good at it, well… I’ll let you discover that one for yourself
Thanks, Toasty. You don’t think that was too vicious, do you?
Seriously, I actually think Loretta is a pretty good big sister figure. I certainly like talking to her about this stuff. Let’s not forget, we still haven’t heard much from her. We got a bit ahead of ourselves here
Thanks, Toasty. You don’t think that was too vicious, do you?
Seriously, I actually think Loretta is a pretty good big sister figure. I certainly like talking to her about this stuff. Let’s not forget, we still haven’t heard much from her. We got a bit ahead of ourselves here [/quote]
Yes, you are right. We haven’t heard much from loretta. I think I wasn’t referring much to Loretta, though, but the other respondents in this thread. I appreciate your European outlook on these kinds of things. The North American response is a bit predictable and worn out.
I don’t know tash, getting different perspectives is also a good thing and not all that patronizing. Of course people will say what they think is best. That’s the point of soliciting advice is it not?
jds[/quote]
Ai-yo! You’re really making me spell it out. OK.
Here’s the difference between being a friend and being a parent:
Girl: Before I get into another serious relationship, I want to party and have one-night-stands! What do you think?
Scenario A
Parent-type: Oh, I don’t think you should. I don’t think you know what that means. Men will use you, especially foreigners. They have no respect for women. They just want you for sex. You don’t know this because you’re the first generation of Taiwanese women to deal with this, but I know better. So, don’t.
Girl: Well, I just want sex too, so what’s the difference?
Parent-type: Uh… you’re a woman? Uh… you’re Taiwanese?
Scenario B
same question…
Friend-type: From my experience, one-night-stands aren’t the most fulfilling types of encounters, even when they’re just for sex, but not everyone feels that way, so they might work for you. Just make sure you don’t expect these men to fill any emotional need you might have. And be careful (insert tips on being careful).
Oh, and if you’re doing this because you’re under the illusion that all Western men are per se good at it, well… I’ll let you discover that one for yourself [/quote]
OK, but isn’t this what people have been saying all along in this thread? And the point was to get different perspectives, right? Even worn out, predictable ones?
The parent’s reponse is conservative and aims at avoiding the “bad things” that can happen. The girl says, “BUt I like sex and I’d like to experiment more.” OK, fine by me. This doesn’t mean: “Well WHEN you get hurt I’ll be saying ‘I told you so!’”
The friend’s response sounds awfully like a good parent’s response to me.
It’s a bit too easy and contrived to believe that parents will say “No, don’t do it” and friends will say what the girl obviously needs to hear.
Yes, it is the point to get differing perspectives. I just happen to appreciate Tash’s approach to this issue. Maybe it’s just me, but I find a lot of neopuritanism in the average North American’s approach to sex, sexuality and morality issues.
If you guys can stop bitch-slapping each other for a moment…
I started this thread because:
a) she’s a pretty girl and I’m a single guy, so an objective response from me is difficult.
b) there’s probably no one right answer anyway.
c) I’m interested in the topic for its own sake, being a bit of a slut myself.
All opinions, from “you go girl” to " burn in hell, slut" are valid points of view. Ultimately it’s up to her and anything anyone can say that she hasn’t thought of by herself will help her make the decision that’s right for her.
I think it might be helpful for a few people with experience of the whole psycho xiaojie phenomenen to share what they know or believe about that. It’s all a bit of a mystery to me. Similarly, what about the ‘foreigner groupie’ syndrome, or is that the same thing?
Thanks for all the good posts so far. You’re not a bad bunch after all.
Didn’t you ever meet my last gf? Or the one before that? Or the one before that? Or, come to think of it, the one before that? All Americans, and all {deleted by prudish yankee moderator}. You have a point, and I’m of the liberal persuasion myself, but let’s welcome all perspectives here.
I bet most of the ‘prudish’ people here are also parents. Things change when it could be your daughter having the same issues in a few years. In response to whoever mentioned it, both these girls are teenagers and my friend rarely sees her dad.
I didn’t say I didn’t welcome them. I just prefer some to others. Although, ultimately, what I am always looking for is good debate. You don’t have to agree with me. I won’t be offended.
“Psycho xiaojie” is not the same as “foreigner groupie”. Some of my Taiwanese girlfriends belong to the latter group and they wouldn’t be caught dead standing in front of guys apartment or calling him five times a day (calling him period, actually). They have their own personal reasons for wanting to go out with foreigners and they make no excuses about it.
Perhaps you can introduce her to the art of masturbation with a dildo. That way she can have better quality orgasms without the emotional and health risks of picking up drunken losers in bars.
Personally I think it behoves Loretta to explain that there are certain and less pleasant sexual practices that are deemed highly attractive by the foreign one-night-stand seeking community. Should she choose to involve herself in this particular fray, she’d best bone up hard in order not to make a mockery of herself.
These tutorials, sagely offered by our Lorretta, might take some time until satisfaction is absolute, but only then can the lass walk proudly among her peers.
Well actually their mothers were probably at Spin, but granny was more likely down the Zone doing American soldiers for some coin to put the kiddies through English class. Before that of course were the mainland soldiers and before them, the Japanese. Taiwan has a proud history of blocking new invasions by throwing the womenfolk at the invader.
[/quote]
If you guys can stop bitch-slapping each other for a moment…
