Dear Forumosa posters,
I am new around here, never actually posted yet. So a little about myself, I work in Washington DC in international trade, specifically with Asia. I was working in Beijing a few years back when I met my Taiwanese girlfriend, who was studying in Beijing at the time, and we’ve been dating for a few years now. As I usually travel back and forth between the US and Asia, we’ve been doing long distance at times over the years. After I came back to the States last year to work in DC, I invited my gf to come with me, knowing full well that such an invitation would mean that our relationship was quite serious and that I would need to consider marriage as a possibility. Since she had never lived in the States before (she’s visited many times, at least 10 times), I wanted to give her a chance to actually live here for a while before considering whether or not we wanted to pursue marriage. I thought that this would give us a clear picture of what we both wanted, rather than blindly going forward and jumping into marriage before actually knowing that she was ready to live the rest of her life, or at least a majority of it, outside of your homeland. Since then, things have become difficult, as she is much less independent here than in Asia, and this strains our relationship because she likes to be independent. I cannot fault her for any of it, as she has honestly tried very hard to adapt, but it is very difficult to go from being totally independent woman working in the arts to coming to the US, where it is very difficult for a non-native English speaker to crack the this world. I’ve also made it known that I am not quite ready for marriage yet, but not because of her as I am truly committed to her, just where I am at personally I do not see marriage for another couple years, which further disheartens her, I am sure. She has begun thinking about moving back to Taiwan, and has asked if I would be interested in moving and working there as well. Although I have never lived in Taiwan, I have visited on numerous occasions, and would love to live there for a few years. However, in my heart, I am afraid that this would only mask the problem for a while, as I know eventually I would prefer to settle down in California, my home state.
I guess my question for all you Forumosa posters is, what is the job market like in Taiwan besides English teaching? And do you even think moving there is a good idea, or would it just be avoiding the real problem?
Thanks for any advice you may have, and I look forward to hearing from you all.
I think you should try settling in a city with a large Chinese-American community. Let your wife get acclimated to life within these Oversea Community, getting familiar with the infrastructure in these communities to develop her sense of independence in the “New World”.
If CA is where you plan to settle, I don’t see that as be a problem, unless you plan to live somewhere far away from a Chinese-America community, which would just re-enforce her feeling of isolation in the USA.
Perhaps you should accelerate your decision to move to CA and see if she adjust better there.
[quote=“joshjush”]
I guess my question for all you Forumosa posters is, what is the job market like in Taiwan besides English teaching? And do you even think moving there is a good idea, or would it just be avoiding the real problem?[/quote]
As ac_dropout already mentioned, move to CA now and see how things work out. Or, if you are seriously interested in moving to Taiwan and need a job I suggest you to contact the AIT to see if they have a job for you or can refer you to an American company that is looking for an ‘expatriate’. Depending on your background you may also consider to start a company here.
You say you work in international trade (with Asia). Maybe you should try the other side of the table - see if any of your customers/suppliers/clients in Taiwan are interested in your services operating from here.
Going to cali would be a good choice. There is a large taiwanese community there. It’ll bring her a little closer to home. Out of the country - Vancouver and Brazil too. Washington doesn’t? How fluent is your gf in Engilsh btw? Is she having problems meeting Taiwanese people too or something?
I wouldn’t recommend switching to English teaching to come to Taiwan… you oughta be able to keep with the same line of work. Also take into consideration that if you come to Taiwan, you will be the one having to adjust… not just to the culture, but getting along with her family.
You two met in Beijing. Did you already consider if you two maybe have a future together in Mainland China? You both at least know how it is to live there.
Thanks to all for the advice. I have thought about moving back to California, and this might be a good option. However, that will not solve the problem, as there is the whole visa situation. One really cannot do anything in the States on a tourist visa, which is what she is currently on. I’m not sure if either of us are quite ready for marriage, so it is difficult to remain the status quo of independent people who are in a committed relationship but not quite at the marriage point. We would both prefer to be in the same city, or at least relatively close by, and have it progress naturally. Not sure how I can pull this off in the States, because it would be difficult for her, that is why I am considering the move to Asia.
You’d better make sure she doesn’t overstay her visa or she’ll be blacklisted and won’t be able to enter the USA for a few years.
I think if your serious about trying to live a life together in the USA, you’d best resolve her visa issue by enrolling her in a language school.
With Washington debating if illegal immigrants should be convicts these days, I’d think focusing on her visa issue should come first.
There are other options besides marriage. Sponsorship by a company, etc.
I don’t see how moving to asia would resolve your problem, because then you’d be the one with a visa issue. It’s not like you can work legally in Taiwan with a Tourist Visa either.
Do they still have the ‘fiancee’ visa option for the USA? I believe you used to be able to set a date up to a year in advance and sponsor her in on that basis.
If you’re ‘test-driving’ a relationship then the conditions have to be similar to the long-term reality - which is one where she’s working in her own career. Hanging around with nothing to do, and being dependent on you, is pointless because it’s not a practise for the future. She might as well go home because she’s just going to get frustrated and unhappy.
Also, you need to be very very clear about where she envisions living in the long-term. You’re thinking California, mummy and daddy are probably going to insist you grow old on the beautiful island. Who has the final say?
My advice is to discuss that little issue, pack her off back to Taiwan on the understanding that you’re both going to working on getting you relocated here, and set a deadline to get yourselves set up with a home and a life in Taiwan. You have to try it for a year, maybe two, to see how it works out and then you take her back to California for a similar amount of time. A few years down the line you’ll be able to make a decision together about whether to marry and where to live, but in the meantime you’re giving her the commitment she needs.
I’ve been thinking a lot about what our next step can be. I am willing to move to Taiwan, as we’ve made many sacrifices over the years for each other. However, she I’m beginning to feel that she is thinking marriage (which I am not ready for yet), so I’m not sure if moving to Taiwan would be such a great idea. But I really do love this girl very much, it’s not a question of her, it’s just at this point in my life I am not ready for marriage. Have any of you moved to Taiwan for a SO?
[quote=“joshjush”]Thanks all for the thoughtful replies.
I’ve been thinking a lot about what our next step can be. I am willing to move to Taiwan, as we’ve made many sacrifices over the years for each other. However, she I’m beginning to feel that she is thinking marriage (which I am not ready for yet), so I’m not sure if moving to Taiwan would be such a great idea. But I really do love this girl very much, it’s not a question of her, it’s just at this point in my life I am not ready for marriage. Have any of you moved to Taiwan for a SO?
Thanks again for all the advice.[/quote]
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I did !!
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I had this cosy job as Marketing Manager in a computer chainstore, and then this fox of a lady crossed my path.
She is now my former fiancee, and we run a pretty OK business together.