My girlfriend and I just can’t work it out. She is 18 week pregnant.
We live together since two years in Taiwan and wanted to get married, but now she is continously fighting because of everything and she wants to leave me.
She is 26, gave up her original education plans for me, but I paid university degree for her. The last two years she didn’t work, I paid her housemoney and pocketmoney and all other expenses, flights etc.
I’m foreigner working on a visitor visa.
Certainly I want to pay for her and the child, but I have no idea about how much would be appropriate in this situation. What are ‘usual’ amounts of aliments in such a case, especially for a baby child? She would live with her parents. Any help appreciated.
[quote=“at286”]
Certainly I want to pay for her and the child, but I have no idea about how much would be appropriate in this situation. What are ‘usual’ amounts of aliments in such a case, especially for a baby child? She would live with her parents. Any help appreciated.[/quote]
Sorry about your troubles. However, there is no such thing as “usual” amounts of alimony in Taiwan. It’s negotiable.
Would you consider something in the range of 30-40k NT per month, depending on where she lives (rent), as unfair? Plus the medical expenses. Baby stuff like stroller, car seat, etc already bought.
And she’s only at 18 weeks? Jumping the gun a bit there, aren’t you? And why are you referring to “alimony?” You’re not married after all.
I would imagine child support would not include sums like NT$40K/month for things like rent – you’re supporting the child, not the mother.
Are those figures being mentioned by the girl’s parents? Sounds like they’re planning to milk you like a cash cow.
You need a lawyer.
Yeah, I agree with Sandman and Mr He. This woman is looking to take you to the cleaners.
While you’re to be commended for doing the right thing, don’t let your sense of duty be taken advantage of by this woman and her family. Because you aren’t married, you have no legal obligation under Taiwan law to provide for anything. Even if you were married, this kind of thing is negotiable and AFAIK not required by law.
Thanks for the comments. Of course I want to pay for the child only, but I just wannt to help her through the first time, when she cannot work.
However, when I mentioned this sum verbally (with a maybe, aorund, depend), her reaction was: Fk you, i’m not a cheap bch, I will send you my father to kill you. You will never see your child. Asshole.
[quote=“at286”]Thanks for the comments. Of course I want to pay for the child only, but I just wannt to help her through the first time, when she cannot work.
However, when I mentioned this sum verbally (with a maybe, aorund, depend), her reaction was: Fk you, I’m not a cheap bch, I will send you my father to kill you. You will never see your child. Asshole.
I maybe need to rethink my strategy here.[/quote]
What about run … as fast as possible … just wire the money every month or so … :s
She said no to $40k/month? OMG… run… Are you independantly wealthy? Does she think/know you have a lot of money? Maybe you could kindly mention to her that since you are not married you don’t really have to pay anything and you can leave the country any time you choose. It sounds mean, but this woman is evil. Couldn’t hurt.
She is nuts to leave you when she’s having a child. Being a single mom is hard anywhere (BTDT) but at least where I’m from it’s pretty common. Could it just be pregnancy hormones?
If she gets angry enough, then she could report you to the authorities. Not good.
NT$40k, no way she would get that in a local court, I actually think that the law is changing so you ought to pay for the child, but not NT$40k. After all, raising the child is a common responsibility.
Winston Wang, Formosa Plastic chairman Wang Yungching’s son is paying NT$50k per month to his out of wedlock child, and he’s likely a fair bit wealthier than you are (or anyone on this board it - he’s preobably richer than all of us put together).
Well, it seems there was misunderstanding, as always. We just talked. She wants to get a one time money and then never see me and talk to me again. For that, the 30-40k was too low for her. She is too proud to take monthly money. I told her it is not going to work that way. I told her, that I support her as long she cannot work, and after that I support the child, but I want to see my child.
She said, if she is not leaving me, I have to show some real efforts to her and her parents that I can take care about her. I really love her, but I don’t think I can do this effort right now after all this fighting. I told her, that I cannot marry her before we didn’t solve our problems. But of course, there is the loose face of the family thing. Her parents were always against me, but finally did agreed to the wedding. And I cannot even talk to them because my chinese is poor.
I never should have gone so far but she is the sweetest thing until she starts fighting. Then she becomes completely unreasonable, insulting and violent). It’s not that everything is her fault, I also have my part (it’s the kind of ‘men don’t listen, cannot talk’ problem)
I don’t know what to do.
Sorry to hear about this. I’m glad that’s cleared up.
I guess this sort of things belongs in the dating and relationships forum. I’d recommend finding a counselor or trusted intermediary if available.
We all have bad fights, but seems you love her and want to do right by her so that should count for quite a bit in my book. If she’s willing to work out the issues with you and you and she can work out her parental objection issues, go for that route first. I believe folks should try to work it out and stay together unless there’s absolutely no way.
If that’s a no go, then I guess you and she need to figure out the child custody issue and then negotiate the one-time fee from there.
I hope you find the right people to help you with this issue.
So Braxton Hicks was straight on the money… Pregnancy based hormone thing, that is.
OK, I would go to the community services center and getone of their psychologists on the case, they have a fair bit of work due to all the … Interesting inter-cultural marriages.
[quote=“Mr He”]So Braxton Hicks was straight on the money… Pregnancy based hormone thing, that is.
OK, I would go to the community services center and getone of their psychologists on the case, they have a fair bit of work due to all the … Interesting inter-cultural marriages.
She said no to $40k/month? 