Another dreadful cross-cultural relationship debacle

Life Dating & Relationships
1

Jerry and Julie were a Chinese-American couple. Julie was Chinese and had graduated from college in America about six months ago. She couldn’t find a job in the U.S.A. and went home to Shenzhen because she was homesick and out of money. Jerry had talked it over with her and had agreed to go with her to Shenzhen to teach English until they earned enough money to go back to grad school in America together.

The problem was, shortly before Julie left, Jerry noticed she spent a lot of time talking with a Chinese boy online. She really had a good time chatting with this fellow and showed him a lot of emotional warmth which was usually only spent on Jerry and nobody else except Julie’s mumma.

Julie told her boyfriend that this Chinese guy was a marriage candidate that her parents suggested and also a guy she liked in school before she came to America. She also said that although he was charming she knew she couldn’t really trust him and he just wanted into her pants. But that didn’t stop her from chatting.

On the day she left the country Julie told her boyfriend that this boy was 30% of the reason she was leaving the country, and the rest was homesickness/money related. She said that there was a 65% chance she and Jerry would stay together and get married in the end.

A few days after she arrived back home, Julie said that the Chinese boy did indeed turn out to be a liar as she suspected and she wasn’t having anything to do with him. Not enough money or a bad job or whatever, maybe he still lived at home, who knows. He lived in a city far from her so it’s likely they didn’t fuck.

Julie asked Jerry to come soon so they could be together, but Jerry hesitated. As much as he had warm, gooshy feelings for Julie and wanted to get back to her, something was holding him back.

Would that failed marriage candidate really be Julie’s only indulgence? Was Jerry just a placeholder until a Chinese dude of equal or greater quality came along? Julie’s willingness to try out other guys completely undermined Jerry’s trust and confidence in her.

Although this Chinese guy probably wasn’t going to lead anywhere, Julie still was sincerely trying him out for size in the off chance that he might be an acceptable husband.

Is Jerry right in thinking it might be wiser to go teach alongside his expat American pal in Taiwan rather than risk it with Julie in Shenzhen? Or is he a paranoid weirdo that holds on to a grudge too long and spends way too much time overthinking shit?

2

Run Jerry, run!

3

Sounds like typical modern Taiwan girl… keep options open…

Which conflicts with Western ideals, marry for love, not for best available option.

4

Jerry should do what Jerry wants to do, and ignore everyone else.

I do not understand Chinese people, how they think, or why they act in the ways that they do. Therefore my advice can only be emotional and laced with years of frustrating failure: From what you wrote I think: Julie is a cock tease who needs a fucking slap. Jerry is free to go and live with her if he likes.

Also, when one offers you a 65% chance of staying together wouldn’t you worry that you are only 64% good enough? Damn that 1 percentage point.

5

well, i want to tell her to fuck right off when i’m alone, but when i’m talking with her i want to catch the next flight to shenzhen. she is indeed a cocktease in need of a good slap, but i doubt anyone would enjoy spanking her ass until it bled more than i would.

and what if i’m 66% good enough? that 1% would go completely wasted!

6

If you make allowances and excuses for ‘cross cultural reasons’, you only do yourself a disservice. Does it matter why there’s a 35% chance she’s going to dump you for someone she likes more?

7

[quote=“fripping”]well, I want to tell her to fuck right off when I’m alone, but when I’m talking with her I want to catch the next flight to Shenzhen. she is indeed a cocktease in need of a good slap, but I doubt anyone would enjoy spanking her ass until it bled more than I would.

and what if I’m 66% good enough? that 1% would go completely wasted![/quote]

Man if you got extra percentage points send them over to me. I’m way off being 65% date-able right now. Altough being a drunk psychopath is supposed to be attractive to the laydees.

You might want to ponder these questions: Do you want to lie in Shenzen? If a girl is homesick then you are fucked and will have to go where she goes, to stay together. Is this what you want for yourself? Also, do you have money for grad school, and want to go? Then go now. Why wait around for Miss 65? She has you by the testicles at the moment my man. Will her parents try to set her up with another man? Is true love what you want, what you think you have, what you aspire to? How would she react if you were to talk about possibly trying to date another girl? (If the shoe was on the other foot.) Is it your ego being massaged when you talk to her? Do you consider yourself to be a lonely type of person?

8

Cut off the cancer. A little pain now or a lot later.

Maybe the other guy really found a better option than her and dumped her. Who knows the real story? Go with your instinct. Trust the force.

Don’t take the chance of wondering for the rest of your life if you were just the best option at the time, or maybe not even the best option, maybe the only option.

9

I don’t think it’s wise for two people with the same first initial to marry.
Case in Point:
John F and Jacqueline Kennedy

10

the thought that i might date another girl scares the crap out of her and makes her really jealous. damn skippy i’m the lonely type and that is definitely a reason why i haven’t said goodbye to her already.

it isn’t true love so much as it is. . . comfortable love. she doesn’t stroke my ego, she’s just very persuasive (has a nice rack, we communicate on the same wavelength and she doesn’t take no for an answer).

ultimately, it’s true that traveling thousands of miles for a 35% chance of getting dumped is absurd and would be a disservice to myself.

but we’re both socially retarded egghead types and we just kind of fit together effortlessly, which is unusually nice for us. doesn’t happen often.

ultimately, the force says it’s time to bag and tag this relationship. but i needed a little confidence booster, and it helps to hear from people who have been there and done that.

thank you, people of forumosa.

11

[quote=“the chief”]I don’t think it’s wise for two people with the same first initial to marry.
Case in Point:
John F and Jacqueline Kennedy[/quote]

Eek! OMIGOD, THAT IS SO, LIKE, TRUE! My mum and dad were both 'J’s!

12

[quote=“Buttercup”][quote=“the chief”]I don’t think it’s wise for two people with the same first initial to marry.
Case in Point:
John F and Jacqueline Kennedy[/quote]

Eek! OMIGOD, THAT IS SO, LIKE, TRUE! My mum and dad were both 'J’s![/quote]

. . . did they get divorced? all names have been changed to protect the innocent, but maybe choosing double Js is a bad omen in itself.

i always leave the top down on my convertible.

13

[quote=“fripping”][quote=“Buttercup”][quote=“the chief”]I don’t think it’s wise for two people with the same first initial to marry.
Case in Point:
John F and Jacqueline Kennedy[/quote]

Eek! OMIGOD, THAT IS SO, LIKE, TRUE! My mum and dad were both 'J’s![/quote]

. . . did they get divorced? all names have been changed to protect the innocent, but maybe choosing double Js is a bad omen in itself.

i always leave the top down on my convertible.[/quote]

Yeah, nearly thirty years ago. No Asian playas involved, though there was a man from Denton, tingshuo.

14

[quote=“fripping”]the thought that I might date another girl scares the crap out of her and makes her really jealous. damn skippy I’m the lonely type and that is definitely a reason why i haven’t said goodbye to her already.

it isn’t true love so much as it is. . . comfortable love. she doesn’t stroke my ego, she’s just very persuasive (has a nice rack, we communicate on the same wavelength and she doesn’t take no for an answer).

ultimately, it’s true that traveling thousands of miles for a 35% chance of getting dumped is absurd and would be a disservice to myself.

but we’re both socially retarded egghead types and we just kind of fit together effortlessly, which is unusually nice for us. doesn’t happen often.

ultimately, the force says it’s time to bag and tag this relationship. but i needed a little confidence booster, and it helps to hear from people who have been there and done that.

thank you, people of forumosa.[/quote]

Tell her to get a web-cam. She can show you her boobs, and you can really get a better idea of how things are. And don’t drive a Lincoln continental when my friend Abe Zapruder has a video camera in his hands.

15

What? Is that some sort of magic eight-ball method? Magic eight boobs? The number eight being figurative, of course, unless you’re dating an alien, a mutant or 4 girls at a time.

Him: “Sweetie, I want to know: do we have a future together?”

Her: “Of course.”

Him: “Lemme check your boobs.”

[She obliges.]

Him: “Hmm… they say ‘Outlook not so good.’”

16

Get away from her while you still have the tiniest bit of self-respect left. Nobody should have to accept a certain percentage for a successful relationship.

17

I bet if you did end up married she would cheat on you at some point. I mean, she is with you but so interested in this other guy. She is honest about it but it is still selfish and disloyal. This means she might well do as she pleases if tempted, given a good opportunity. Cut her loose and get on with life.

18

Ok, how reliable are these percentages? Did she point them out to you or you are surmising?

I really hadnt thought of love as a numbers (or rather percentage) game. But you do realize that you will be HOT STUFF in China and you will 100pct have access to 100s of suitable girls for YOU !!

Or you could do the same in Taiwan and have access to Taiwanese girls. At least you will probably make more money in Taiwan teaching english then in China? So they say. Maybe not true no more.

I know this super hot Taiwanese girl who can speak english very well. I mean shes super hot and she has a thing for white guys (wait thats sorta like the GF I have now even). And anyway she dumped her Taiwanese college sweetheart and went to grad school in America. And brought a guy back to Taiwan with her. Shes got the hots for him and thought that he was it. They were an item. W.R.O.N.G. Soon as the dude got to Taiwan and found the chicks hanging off him , he went totally off this gal and started going with the flow (of hotties). So he dumped her because now if one Taiwanese girl was hot, hes now in the motherlode.

So I would think that your gal would have more worries then you once you land in China and start knowing how things work?

Thing is a lot of the Taiwanese girls and probably same goes for Chinese girls do not want to live in the USA. They would expect YOU to live THERE after you marry em.

19

That is very true, if you are starting out with less then 100pct from BOTH of you, you are doomed to fail.

20

[quote=“tommy525”]Ok, how reliable are these percentages? Did she point them out to you or you are surmising?

I really hadnt thought of love as a numbers (or rather percentage) game. But you do realize that you will be HOT STUFF in China and you will 100pct have access to 100s of suitable girls for YOU !!

Or you could do the same in Taiwan and have access to Taiwanese girls. At least you will probably make more money in Taiwan teaching english then in China? So they say. Maybe not true no more.

I know this super hot Taiwanese girl who can speak english very well. I mean shes super hot and she has a thing for white guys (wait thats sorta like the GF I have now even). And anyway she dumped her Taiwanese college sweetheart and went to grad school in America. And brought a guy back to Taiwan with her. Shes got the hots for him and thought that he was it. They were an item. W.R.O.N.G. Soon as the dude got to Taiwan and found the chicks hanging off him , he went totally off this gal and started going with the flow (of hotties). So he dumped her because now if one Taiwanese girl was hot, hes now in the motherlode.

So I would think that your gal would have more worries then you once you land in China and start knowing how things work?

Thing is a lot of the Taiwanese girls and probably same goes for Chinese girls do not want to live in the USA. They would expect YOU to live THERE after you marry em.[/quote]

yeah, she’s worried about that too. basically i think we both have a knife poised and ready at the other’s back, but i saw hers first. i actually just sent in an application to “reach to teach” today. i.e. in taiwan, where my girlfriend does not live.

my only worry is they might be swamped with applications since the u.s. economy has gone to shit.