[quote]
Eek! OMIGOD, THAT IS SO, LIKE, TRUE! My mum and dad were both 'J’s![/quote]
Everyone in my immediate family has a name that starts with “J”.
Well I would not marry anyone giving me a commitment percentage less than 100%.
If things do not go swimmingly in Shenzhen, then you will get dumped in no time.
I would rather call her attempt a try to play you around for some reason. Perhaps she will clinch it with you, perhaps she won’t, but she’s making sure that you are very uncertain and insecure about things, and that’s a bad thing.
I rather be with someone not constantly dangling rivals in my face, and her dating someone else while I was half a world away would count for unfaithfulness in my book.
I have an old story I want to tell you:
Back when I was in between marriages, I started dating a Taiwanese girl, with a stunning body. She turned out to have security issues, and despite being 31 at the time, she never managed to find someone to screw.
She had a ton of online make friends especially in Europe, and she was busy arranging a virginity shedding visit to the UK to some British bloke.
OK, I entered the picture one week before, and after a short courtship, I got there first (Her suggestion by the way, as I thought that she was in a relationship).
She then went to the UK and most likely banged this guy senseless, that said the lack of blood on the sheets must have been a dissapointment for him. (She told him that someone else had beaten him to the punch). AFAIK, they stopped their online/offline circus once she went back to Taiwan.
She would later spend time telling me about all the rich handsome hunks she knew online, while pursuing a relationship with me at the same time, however by then any feelings for her were gone, however I still got her visiting for 2-3 days at the time, and managed to get my sexual needs covered.
Toward the end she suggested marriage, so I dumped her and moved on to someone better.
I have been here for many years, and I figured out very early on what was going down. I therefore managed to avoid any emotional attachment, apart from the first week or so. I rode it for the fun I could get, and when I got enough of her shenigans, I got out, and did not really bother to look back.
Honestly, unless you weight 300lb, and suffer from sever facial disfigurement, you won’t have any issues finding females in this part of the world, China or Taiwan. I prefer the Taiwanese, however different strokes for different folks. Since it’s not a matter of desperately holding onto the one you already got out of fear that you won’t get any better, I would basically get out of the relationship before it causes you further anguish, and then play the field out here until you run into someone sensible and reasonably mature, they are out here as well.
I do not know how old you are, however I think you are in your early to mid 20’s. Therefore lots of time to have fun, and expand your dating horizons out here, before committing.
And as a last word, well, if you get to Shenzhen and you are with her, you are basically taking steps toward marriage, as that will be very much in the cards. I would be very careful doing that, unless you are 100% sure about your relationship. The fact that you are posting here about it tells me that you aren’t.
Just hedge by getting another woman with a 35% chance of marrying you.
[quote=“Mr He”]Well I would not marry anyone giving me a commitment percentage less than 100%.
If things do not go swimmingly in Shenzhen, then you will get dumped in no time.
I would rather call her attempt a try to play you around for some reason. Perhaps she will clinch it with you, perhaps she won’t, but she’s making sure that you are very uncertain and insecure about things, and that’s a bad thing.
I rather be with someone not constantly dangling rivals in my face, and her dating someone else while I was half a world away would count for unfaithfulness in my book.
I have an old story I want to tell you:
Back when I was in between marriages, I started dating a Taiwanese girl, with a stunning body. She turned out to have security issues, and despite being 31 at the time, she never managed to find someone to screw.
She had a ton of online make friends especially in Europe, and she was busy arranging a virginity shedding visit to the UK to some British bloke.
OK, I entered the picture one week before, and after a short courtship, I got there first (Her suggestion by the way, as I thought that she was in a relationship).
She then went to the UK and most likely banged this guy senseless, that said the lack of blood on the sheets must have been a dissapointment for him. (She told him that someone else had beaten him to the punch). AFAIK, they stopped their online/offline circus once she went back to Taiwan.
She would later spend time telling me about all the rich handsome hunks she knew online, while pursuing a relationship with me at the same time, however by then any feelings for her were gone, however I still got her visiting for 2-3 days at the time, and managed to get my sexual needs covered.
Toward the end she suggested marriage, so I dumped her and moved on to someone better.
I have been here for many years, and I figured out very early on what was going down. I therefore managed to avoid any emotional attachment, apart from the first week or so. I rode it for the fun I could get, and when I got enough of her shenigans, I got out, and did not really bother to look back.
Honestly, unless you weight 300lb, and suffer from sever facial disfigurement, you won’t have any issues finding females in this part of the world, China or Taiwan. I prefer the Taiwanese, however different strokes for different folks. Since it’s not a matter of desperately holding onto the one you already got out of fear that you won’t get any better, I would basically get out of the relationship before it causes you further anguish, and then play the field out here until you run into someone sensible and reasonably mature, they are out here as well.
I do not know how old you are, however I think you are in your early to mid 20’s. Therefore lots of time to have fun, and expand your dating horizons out here, before committing.
And as a last word, well, if you get to Shenzhen and you are with her, you are basically taking steps toward marriage, as that will be very much in the cards. I would be very careful doing that, unless you are 100% sure about your relationship. The fact that you are posting here about it tells me that you aren’t.[/quote]
that is actually pretty fucking hair-raising. i would have gotten burned in such a situation. you’re right, i’m 24. i have been to mainland china for a year on study abroad and did notice that you basically have to beat the girls off with a stick or they’ll jump you and beat you off with their hands.
the 65% quote was straight from the horse’s mouth and just kind of an estimate by her gut feeling.
if she wouldn’t have laid that bullshit on me, yes i probably would have taken steps to marriage since i’m a freakin 爱痴. once she crossed the line though, there’s not really any going back.
this girl has bigtime security issues. she’s said she’s afraid either i’ll leave her, or i won’t make enough money. i spent two wasted years paying for all her shit and carrying her ass, and in the end she was still too scared to give up her precious virginity. she became a BJ artist instead. that’s probably sign enough that it’s time to call it quits. not to mention if i’m willing to put up with that kind of horseshit, i must not be the leaving kind, but she would never notice.
self-fulfilling prophecy!
i’m looking forward to meeting some 35% marryable taiwanese girls. . . :discodance:
[quote=“fripping”]Jerry and Julie were a Chinese-American couple. Julie was Chinese and had graduated from college in America about six months ago. She couldn’t find a job in the U.S.A. and went home to Shenzhen because she was homesick and out of money. Jerry had talked it over with her and had agreed to go with her to Shenzhen to teach English until they earned enough money to go back to grad school in America together.
The problem was, shortly before Julie left, Jerry noticed she spent a lot of time talking with a Chinese boy online. She really had a good time chatting with this fellow and showed him a lot of emotional warmth which was usually only spent on Jerry and nobody else except Julie’s mumma.
Julie told her boyfriend that this Chinese guy was a marriage candidate that her parents suggested and also a guy she liked in school before she came to America. She also said that although he was charming she knew she couldn’t really trust him and he just wanted into her pants. But that didn’t stop her from chatting.
On the day she left the country Julie told her boyfriend that this boy was 30% of the reason she was leaving the country, and the rest was homesickness/money related. She said that there was a 65% chance she and Jerry would stay together and get married in the end.
A few days after she arrived back home, Julie said that the Chinese boy did indeed turn out to be a liar as she suspected and she wasn’t having anything to do with him. Not enough money or a bad job or whatever, maybe he still lived at home, who knows. He lived in a city far from her so it’s likely they didn’t fuck.
Julie asked Jerry to come soon so they could be together, but Jerry hesitated. As much as he had warm, gooshy feelings for Julie and wanted to get back to her, something was holding him back.
Would that failed marriage candidate really be Julie’s only indulgence? Was Jerry just a placeholder until a Chinese dude of equal or greater quality came along? Julie’s willingness to try out other guys completely undermined Jerry’s trust and confidence in her.
Although this Chinese guy probably wasn’t going to lead anywhere, Julie still was sincerely trying him out for size in the off chance that he might be an acceptable husband.
Is Jerry right in thinking it might be wiser to go teach alongside his expat American pal in Taiwan rather than risk it with Julie in Shenzhen? Or is he a paranoid weirdo that holds on to a grudge too long and spends way too much time overthinking shit?[/quote]
Dude, if you follow her to a shithole such as Shenzhen when she only considers you a 65 percent boyfriend, you are pussy-whipped and thank you maam 
If you decide to go, you should write yourself a social partnership agreement with the lass wherein you demand she cook you breakfast in bed for at least half the month and then provide you with hot tea blow jobs in the morning for the other half of the month. Maybe then, the move to this toxic shithole of a sprawl would be worth it. Maybe. But I’d have to see pics of her to make a true judgement
Beware, me no likey.
Most young girls here put out a fair bit faster than that, and well, most younger Chinese women i have known on the mainland would go for it on the first date, I kid you not. Attitudes toward sex have changed a lot over there the last 15 years.
In Taiwan, 2-3 dates is usual, and I have only gone longer once, which was me misreading what she wanted, I thought friendship, right until I invited her to a hot spring.
You hit the nail on the head, she’s too insecure.
In my experience, the good things about a partner will diminish a bit once you marry them, and the things you have issues with before will ancrease by a factor of 10. Therefore, make sure that you accept their weaker spots before even contemplating marriage. Also, finding out about how her parents marriage is working is smart. An Australian friend with a penchant for putting light bulbs into his mouth once told me: “Only marry a girl from a happy family”, and that holds true. So, if there are things like jealousy and worries about money and you voiced a lot, which gets your goat from time to time, expect it to be 10 times worse if you go that far that you marry her. I only learned that one up to my second marriage, and being married to one constantly accusing you of having affairs, and also constantly nagging you to earn and give her more money, is a drag unless that’s what turns you on.
I for one do not liked to be judged on my earnings potential, and my idea about a marriage is one where you support each other, also financially if need be. She might see that as a one way street, and I have been there once, leading to lots of issues.
Again, if you make it out here, do not go to Shenzhen. Taiwan or other parts of China should be fine, and no matter what you do, by all means play the field a bit before you fall into a serious relationship.
I sense a bit of bitterness and anger toward your current(?) GF, and that’s not a good thing. If you can, let it go and focus on the happiness in the next relationship instead. You are better and more secure in yourself than she will ever be, and it is her loss that you are on the way out of the door. She’s BTW probably smart enough to sense that, so you will either get a clingy soon to be ex. GF being sorry and jsut wanting you next to her, or you will see her increasing the shenigans and the anger, trying to keep you insecure enough to stay with her. In either case don’t look back when you walk, if you have not already closed the book on it.
Good luck!
OP. Forget Shenzhen. You are a number to her, not a person. Move to the 'wan immediately. You’ll be twice blessed. Rid of her, and you’ll learn traditional characters.
wait, yahoo serious said that? whoever it was that’s incredibly insightful and useful. her parents lives have completely melted down and they’re getting divorced. now what if i came from an unhappy family too? maybe fucked up seeks out fucked up? time will tell if history should repeat. . .
it’s funny, my mom and dad had a 99% sexless marriage, it’s eerie how the pattern is coming out. how the hell can i break the cycle? hopefully shipping out is a step in the right direction.
the wheels are in motion to get a job in the wan, but i’m afraid it might be full unless i want to take my chances with McHess. japan or the mainland might have to do. NOT shenzhen though.
i didn’t realize it but i guess the door is well and truly shut. i keep talking with her online and although she keeps bamboozling me in the “right” direction i just don’t seem to be able to fill out any applications for a job in shenzhen! doesn’t matter how long i sit and stare at the screen. fancy that, my clever fingers have solved the problem.
traditional characters make life even more complicated than i wish it would be. if simplified characters convey the same message with less work, keep the traditional ones in a museum i say. oh well, nothing to do but put up with it. doesn’t have a thing to do with convenience and everything to do with politics.
Just a side note. Alls said and done, I prefer a hot chick whos a BJ artist then one who wasnt. BJ skills are definitely NOT over-rated 
To me, thats a deal breaker if she aint.
If you come from a less than perfect family, it makes sense to go for someone who comes from someone who comes from a “better” one.
Honestly.
And it was a former neighbor, who once put a lightbulb in his mouth, I kid you not. That said, I don’t have the pic here unfortunately.
That said, yes we tend to replicate the patterns of our parents and it takes a lot to get around that. My first wife always told me that her parents marriage was crap, and that they had nothing together apart from the kids.
We get kids and move back to Taiwan, and she pulls into her own little world oblivious to her marriage. I am the product of a stronger one, so that fell very far short of what I wanted. We divorced, and it was my idea.
I then heeded the advice in my second marriage.
If you manage to heed it in your first, you have done well.
I’d heard that things were getting pretty crazy over there in terms of self-gratification. The interesting statistic that could add something to this debate is that 70% of PRC Chinese who marry Canadians get divorced.
Y would he want to be her second option? Who respects guys with no self-respect?
Westerrn ideals Marry for Love? Really?
What is the problem then? Just dump her! And find western girl.
Kat.
[quote=“tango42”]Sounds like typical modern Taiwan girl… keep options open…
Which conflicts with Western ideals, marry for love, not for best available option.[/quote]
Come on, it’s not always like that, and I take it just as much as an example of a dysfunctional family not giving the kid the emotional support she needs than something merely related to culture. That being said, the ratio of people with insecurity issues is a damn sight highere in Greater China than in Scandinavia.
Dump her yes, however that need not mean that he will be happy with a westerner only.
The OP is seriously in need of an introduction to Ladder Theory:
Also, try the intellectualwhores forums:
[quote=“GuyInTaiwan”]The OP is seriously in need of an introduction to Ladder Theory:
Also, try the intellectualwhores forums:
http://iwforums.com/[/quote]
God, are most men really that retarded, underneath?
At least as much so as women.
The human situation is a bad situation and all of that.
Nope, sorry, I clicked on those sites. Those men are idiotic! Life just got a bit easier.
If you say so. Some agree with the idea of evolutionary psychology. Some don’t. It’s certainly not a perfect science, but there’s some measure of truth in it.
Hehe, the arrogance of the male human.