If you happen to have an evening with others but really want to piss them off, what do you do?
I find that giving a lecture about my number one conspiracy theory (spoons have been electo plated by the new world order with an infertility inducing chemical to drain our vital fluids - if you still don’t already know, sheeple, read and learn ) tends to do the trick.
Other than this I find not buying rounds, talking at length about my job, and/or talking to other English speakers in really bad Chinese to be highly effective.
What works for you guys?
Starting a street fight is pretty foolproof, especially if using swords.
Show all your photos and videos of your cats. Because apparently people can spend hours watching strangers’ cats on Youtube, but if they KNOW the cat it is suddenly boring.
Drink heavily. Very reliable.
In the same vein tell people you’re a porn actor. People can spend hours watching strangers on the internet, but if they KNOW the actor, it is suddenly embarrassing.
I find that just being quiet and drinking alone in a crowded bar is anti-social enough.
I haven’t made any friends since I’ve been here. Who knows who’s going to be here long enough to bother knowing well?
Most Taiwanese people, I would think. They’re not all trying to emigrate to the Land of the Free.
I find it interesting how many ‘friends’ don’t actually like each other very much (yet they’d rather suffer each other’s company than be alone, for some bizarre reason).
Taking charge of the stereo at a party and putting on god-awful music is hard to beat.
If it’s a dinner party (i.e. no-one can escape) then it’s hard to go wrong with the holy trinity of nose picking, belching and farting.
Plus you’re unlikely to be invited back.
Doesn’t work when eating with my in-laws though, because that’s just a free-for-all anyway.
Take pictures of the food and upload it to facebook. Keep refreshing the page and say “1 like!”, “2 likes!”… and so on. Avoid eye contact and if anyone asks you something, say ‘hang on, I really have to read this email, it’s important’.
Any time someone tries to talk, yell at them that they are off topic and make them go sit in the corner to think about what they have done.
Randomly reply to the most innocuous, upbeat statements by leaping to your feat with a loud and irate
“Yeah? YEAH? Well if you hate it SO MUCH here, why don’t you FUCK OFF back to (insert a totally incorrect home country/city)???”
And slump back down disgustedly in your chair.
Works good with locals, too.