Any mental health professionals?

Needy much? I’m just looking for a good time. :runaway:

1 Like

I completely agree, which is why I get a bit annoyed at the medicalization of conditions like “Asperger Syndrome”, which really just amount to an unusual cluster of traits and have no known neurological basis.

“Normal” is a very wide universe. Some people are better at social activities than others just as some people have a natural talent for music or art or fixing stuff. They weren’t born with those talents as such, but the potential was there and it’s easier for them to achieve certain things. Conversely, some people will never be world-class musicians or artists or engineers however much they practice - but they can still be modestly competent if they want to be.

My personal opinion is that certain people (labelled “Asperger’s”) do have big problems modelling what goes on in other people’s heads and this is qualitatively different from the occasional social goofs that everyone else makes. Nevertheless, it should be quite obvious that socialisation is partially a learned/practiced skill even for “normal people”, and some find it harder/easier than others. Very few people are born with effortless charm and empathy.

I’m going to go out on a limb and suggest that Asperger’s actually overlaps with what I will modestly call Finley’s Syndrome: very low score on openness-to-new-experience, very low willingness to take risks, high score on perfectionism, and subclinical social anxiety disorder. That particular combination will guarantee that someone with poor innate social skills (or poor socialisation prior to age 4) will never develop such skills.

2 Likes

Especially if they keep going into social situations feeling like they’re doomed to fail. Confirmation bias.

2 Likes

The difference is you do not need to be a world class musician, technician, artist, or scientist to survive or to live a stable but fulfilling life. But you must have world class social skill to live stable and fulfilling life. Because while you may say normal is a wide universe society at large has a range of what they accept as “normal”, and anyone outside of that range, even by a little bit, is ostracized and cast out.

And that’s the problem. I’ll never have world class social skills. But every attempt I make at learning social skills will only be laughed at and I will always be ostracized by society at large because I cannot fit within their range of normal.

You know 90% of any job, no matter what, is your ability to socialize. Interviews are designed to test that skill. An incompetent person can absolutely get high class jobs and make it, unless it’s something specialized like brain surgeon.

Yep.

You don’t need world-class social skills. You need functional ones. You need to be able to play the equivalent of a I-IV-V chord progression on human beings. That’s all.

Yup. For several years. It’ll hurt. And then people will laugh less and less and start treating you like anybody else - ie., they’ll dump on you, ignore you, reject you for arbitrary reasons, etc etc. But at least you’ll have some insight into why it’s happening.

No, only until you stop feeling sorry for yourself and buckle down to the task at hand.

It’s entirely up to you.

1 Like

Being able to play 3 chords as far as social skill will just get you mostly ignored and forgotten. I am already at that stage.

But if you want to get jobs, get hired, get more than below minimum wage, you need to be like Steve Vai, Joe Satriani, Phil Keaggy, etc. in terms of social skill. You need to be absolutely at the top of that game.

Look at all the successful people, they got there because of their social skill, NOT because of whatever TV said they are successful for.

Being mostly ignored won’t pay bills or put food on the table. You’ll just die forgotten.

Maybe you are right and I do think there is a lack of diversity in Taiwan in general.

Not having lots of friends is the norm in the Modern world…Maybe it was always the norm I have no clue,.Just in the old days we were forced to interact more living in close quarters communal groups.

Anyway, you’ve been given lots of advice about getting out there sharing hobbies and interests with other people…Shove all that family stuff, bad feelings , woe is me, I wish I was somewhere else right now to the side and just try and get out there and do stuff with other people. You are going to have to be proactive. Nobody is going to be able to do that for you.

There’s plenty of technician jobs, software programming and manual labour jobs that don’t require much social interaction .

Two words: Silicon Valley. There are lots of people there who have stable, fulfilling lives and if they’re not on the spectrum, they might come off that way.

Now, I know. You might say “but Silicon Valley is unique.” But frankly, I find that most of the people in Taiwan are very socially awkward and lots of them still manage to get by.

I know changing how you perceive yourself and the world you’re in isn’t easy, but the truth is that you do have the choice to get in where you fit in. As @Brianjones just said, there are lots of jobs where one’s social skills matter less than their aptitude in other areas.

3 Likes

How about this guy ?

When I’m off the set, it’s hard for me to carry a conversation. That’s more difficult for me than making a movie," Lee said on the CNN program “Talk Asia.”
“Making a movie, I have plans in my head. Somehow one way or another I manage to roll the camera and get something in the can. But off the set, at the dining table … it’s still awkward for me,” he said.
Lee, 52, said if the conversation turns to movies he feels comfortable “momentarily,” but “that’s kind of about it.”
“It’s hard for me to feel comfortable socially. I’m always shy, it’s just part of my character,” he said.
Lee said being one of the most famous Chinese-speaking directors in the world is a tremendous burden.
“It’s very uncomfortable for me. I’d rather not carry the torch, I’d rather be watching somebody else carry the torch. It’s an incredible burden on my shoulder. But I’m passionate about making movies, so as far as I’m concerned, that’s the duty I have,” he said.

https://www.taiwannews.com.tw/en/news/535251

I am a naturally very shy and introverted person. But I’ve been chipping away at the ice for 25 years. I doubt people who just sat with me and drank beers in Taiwan would say I’m shy. But I can tell you, I’d always rather walk past the bar door than go in when meeting people. It’s my default, but I man up and fake it real good until I feel comfortable.

5 Likes

Well you fooled me. Practice makes perfect. :grin:
For my job I sometimes have to push myself out there , needs must. In the end it’s usually a good experience to push the envelope and make new friends and acquaintances.
As Finley mentioned there’s a massive diversity of different characters out there and it does depend very much on the situation you find yourself in at the time too.

Also culture changes. I remember , not that long ago, when it was still quite common to talk to the person seated next to you on the airplane . That doesn’t happen much anymore . Kind of miss those random chats.

As.for that diversity I would also class myself as a bit introverted (it’s requires energy for me to keep socially engaged with a big group of people over more than a few hours…It feels like my battery is running down) but I easily strike up a conversation.and quite enjoy one to one dialogue with most people.

We are all unique just go.with the flow. And yea I do believe if you could find that person who could love and care for you that would bring a lot of healing and joy to your life… but how to say this nicely…You got to chill the fick out first and not put a big heap of expectations and pressure on others.

Yea I can chat one on one with someone decently. Problem is everyone don’t like that. They insist on groups, on stupid ice breakers (I fucking hate them).

And also I feel like the friends I have just seems to want to forget about me. Like I am nobody to them.

Where have you been all my life?

2 Likes

I think first you need to sort out your financial situation by getting a steady job. That will remove some anxiety from your life . And yes there are steady jobs out there for you…There are many vacancies in Taiwan …Just take one. Almost all us immigrants here had to do the same.
You keep asking for mental health professionals but there aren’t any here for you (at least none have popped out of the woodwork ) and they cost too much.

Fix that Maslow’s human need first …Step by step.

2 Likes

It’s more than that. I need a job that pays better than 20,000 a month working overtime.

I can’t believe wage is still so shit in Taiwan even though cost have gone up so much.

You know that’s not true. If you want somebody to argue with you about it though count me out.

3 Likes

:face_with_head_bandage: Join jackies army instead.

6 Likes