OK, here are a couple of “really bad” ones; I’ve never heard any worse ones, so if these don’t offend you, probly nothing will: (stop reading, jds )
Little Boy Blue.
Little Boy Blue who?
Q: What’s the difference between Michael Jackson and Neil Armstrong?
A: One was the first man to walk on the moon, and the other f***s little boys.
Q: What has 18 balls and 3 pubic hairs?
A: A Michael Jackson slumber party.
Heard on Conan O’Brien, February 12, 2003:
On hearing that Roman Polanski would be banned from coming into the country for an Oscar presentation (he received an Academy Award nomination for directing “The Pianist”) because he had relations with a 13 year-old girl, Michael Jackson replied “with a girl – that is so disgusting!”
Michael Jackson was on a ship with 100 boy scouts when it hit an iceberg and started to sink. The captain announced “We’re sinking! Everyone abandon ship!”
Michael asked, “What about the children?” The captain replied, “F*ck the children!”
Michael looked around eagerly and asked “Do we have time?”
: What’s the difference between Michael Jackson and greyhound racing?
A: The greyhounds wait for the hares to come out.
SAT Analogies from Conan O’Brien, April 11, 2003:
“Journalist in Iraq” is to “embedded in US troops” as
“Michael Jackson” is to “embedded in Boy Scout troops”.
Heard on Jay Leno, October 31, 2003:
You know why Michael Jackson loves Halloween? Free delivery right to his door.
After turning himself in yesterday, Michael Jackson was placed in handcuffs. I don’t think he helped his case when he asked “These are neat, do they come in smaller sizes?”
SAT Analogies from Conan O’Brien, September 25, 2003:
“Marsupials” is to “youngsters squirming in pouch” as
“Michael Jackson” is to “youngsters squirming on couch”.
Early today Michael met with his priest – not for spiritual advice, they went on a double date.
12 Year Old Boy Sues Michael Jackson For Not Molesting Him
November 24, 2003:
The family of a 12 year old Southern California boy have launched a $28 million law suit against the King of Pop, Michael Jackson. Parents for the child in question contend there was a real and presumed threat that when they allowed their child to sleep in Michael Jackson’s bed, he would be molested.
Martin Goldenstein, the lawyer representing the family claims Jackson’s lack of sexual interest in the boy has caused them undue financial hardship.
Jackson’s lawyer is looking for a fair jury… He wants Jackson tried by a Catholic Archdiocese.
Michael Jackson sat down with his lawyer.
The lawyer says, “I have good news and bad news.”
Michael asks for the bad news.
The lawyer says “they have a real strong case for molestation and you are going to do serious time.”
Michael asks for the good news.
The lawyer says “I think you can serve it in a juvenile detention facility.”
SAT Analogies from Conan O’Brien, December 10, 2003:
“Popular toy” is to “Tickle-me Elmo” as
“Unpopular toy” is to “Fondle-me Jacko”
Jermaine Jackson, who has been competing with Gloria Allred for the coveted “Media Whore” title, offered his insightful commentary on Fox News this morning.
“I’m kinda on the fence with this one. I mean, I love Janet more than the world, but she shamed the family yesterday. Now, instead of the Jackson name being synonymous with family values and man-boy love sleepovers, it will be linked forever with Janet’s bare breast. We can’t have that.”
Heard on Jay Leno, September 17, 2004:
Michael Jackson was in court today, facing the mother of the boy he’s accused of molesting.
I don’t think he helped his case any when he said, “Which one was your kid?”
Heard on Jay Leno, January 6, 2005:
It does not look good for Michael Jackson. The prosecution evidence in the Michael Jackson case starting to leak out. Did you hear about this today? When police searched Michael’s bedroom, this is true, they confiscated a pair of “Hanes underwear, size small”. Here’s the creepy thing: he had them mounted on the wall.
According to the documents just unsealed, this is absolutely true, you’ll see this on the news tonight, Michael Jackson nicknamed one of his young boys “blowhole”. That’s what it said. I have two words - case closed.
When Michael actually did arrive, he was looking disheveled, wearing pajama bottoms and walking stiffly. Which is usually how most boys leave the Neverland Ranch.
What does Michael Jackson call a school bus? Meals on wheels.
(Personally, I find a quarter of these tasteless but funny, and three quarters of them tasteless groaners, but don’t find this kind of humor offensive. MJ’s general weirdness seems to be what makes them so funny.)