Are you serious about the relationship?


#1

I’ve seen so many friends who are dating foreigners, but the endings are 80% bad. Why? Does that mean foreigners aren’t that serious about relationships with Taiwanese girls/boys?


#2

I will have my two pennies worth on this subject no doubt despite the howls of anguish and indignation that it is likely to arise from it.

Expectations are one of the main issues here. If both parties have the same level and direction in their expectations then the chances of a longer lasting outcome are increased. But it is also worth remembering that not all relationships between local people end in anything but tears.

Foreignors who have arrived in Taiwan only a short time ago will generally fall into one of three categories as far as looking for relationships is concerned:

  1. Those that chase anything of the opposite sex (normally but not exclusively the younger generation)
  2. Those that quickly realised that they do not like Taiwan, cannot wait to leave, but are stuck with seeing out the rest of their contracts and are just trying to make that time as pleasant as possible.
  3. Those that realise that Taiwan is a place where they could settle down and start a family etc. given the right person and opportunity.

On the other hand we also have the local girls who can also be easily placed into categories:

  1. Those that just see the advantageous effects with their friends of having a foreign boyfriend.
  2. Those that have ulterior motives for seeking a relationship with a foreignor in the first place. ie they can leave Taiwan, obtain different citizenship etc.
  3. Those who are looking permanent relationships but wish to do so with a person that treats them in the proper manner, something that they feel they do not get from a local man.

As only one linking of categories is likely to have any real chance of success, and of course that success is not guaranteed, and there are nine possibilites then at 80% they are doing better than average.

It is my experience that throughout SE Asia and a lot of the developing world the local girls see foreignors as an opportunity to escape their current lifestyle etc. In some countries that may also mean an escape from the cultural or religious hamstringing of the female sex.


#3

Personally I take my relationships seriously but it doesn’t mean I know on the 2nd date already that I want to get married to the girl - they usually however know already the first time!?
I won’t exclude that possibility (of getting married later but for me it needs time (months, if not years).

I guess the expectations are very different and only time will tell if things can work out or not, but only if the cultural difference can be overcome.
This is easier said then done, and as I see it initially it’s sometimes overlookd or pushed aside - and when the time comes it can cause a big problem and perhaps result in a break-off.


#4

Take my wife… PLEEEEASE take my wife! :stuck_out_tongue: :stuck_out_tongue: :stuck_out_tongue:


#5

Don’t 80% of relationships end badly period?


#6

Take my wife… PLEEEEASE take my wife!

How much - are you going to pay me?


#7

Sandman,

I’ll take your wife. She’s very groovy.


#8

I was kidding, Alien! I’m well aware of her groovaliciousness. :sunglasses:


#9

The vast majority of relationships don’t work out in any country. I would hazard that far more than 80% of relationships between locals go bad. That is certainly true of locals in Australia.

I don’t see why an 80% failure rate should be considered siginifcant.


#10

My girlfriend asked me what I thought the future held for us. I told her I figured we would probably someday either break up or get married. She feels the same way. :wink: :stuck_out_tongue: :smiley:


#11

I enter a relationship here with every possibility open to it. Especially the future! My reactions from there depend on what her attitude is.


#12

I met my wife when she was here in the US doing the “Student Visa/Extended Tourist” thing.
Neither of us were “Serious” at first, I just thought she was hot and I don’t know what drew her to me (Still don’t know–maybe I’m nice or something). We didn’t even “Hook up” until we’d known each other for several months after we finished the class. Now we’re married and all I can say is that she’s even more kind, loving and supportive than I ever imagined.

As far as 80% of relationships ending bad, I’ve only had bad breakups with other American women.

“Help! Police! My boyfriend doesn’t love me anymore!”

I’ve dated English girls, Dutch girls, French girls, and Japanese girls and even though the relationship ended for one reason or another, it was never what I would call a “Bad” ending.

“…American woman–get away from me!
Don’t come knocking around my door, I don’t want to see your shadow no more!..”

Bonus points if you can guess the band/song that quote is from.


#13

“American Woman” by the Guess Who. Unless you mean the Lenny Kravitz version.


#14

Eric Anderson,
Proud gun-totin’ American boy, please define “bad”. Also, you didn’t say, is your likewise gun-totin’ wife American too?
Hope that doesn’t end too badly if she’s got such a brilliant aim.


#15

Bad is a relative term so I leave that to your imagination/perspective. Suffice it to say I’ve found (The hard way) that American women are far more vindictive and retaliatory than women from other countries. I’m still friends with a couple of the foreign women I’ve broken up with who have stayed here in the US. I’ve even introduced my wife to one of them and they’re friends.

My wife is Taiwanese and there is no way I would ever consider leaving her because I love her so much and she is just so good to me.

We’re over here in Seattle now, but will be returning to Taipei shortly where we have a place in Taipei Morning.

If you happen to see a 1987 Toyota 4Runner with the sunroof and rear shell removed cruising the streets of Taipei or out in the mountains, that’s us.


#16

Plenty of girls here are cool with the “I never wanted to get married” statement. If they’re not… then the break up is their fault, not the doreign fevil’s.


#17

Anyone been in a serious relationship with a local girl and have felt like banging their head against the wall in frustration because of slow developments etc.

I am seriouis about a local girl and yet is seems to be taking so long to develop the relationship. I’m not talking about a shag or anything like that but real developments in terms of future plans etc.

I’m invited to all family gatherings, have dinner at her family’s home almost every weekend, have been introduced to her extended family, go away with her on weekends and shortly, even going on an international holiday with her. But when I raise the issue about a serious commitment she “bypasses” the issue and says she needs time. Is there already a serious commitment that I do not see because of the cultural difference?

Puzzled in the bat cave.


#18

My fiance and I have been together for 9 years. We’ve actually been engaged for over a year, and every time I broach the marriage subject (i.e. “When, already?!”) I get the “need more time” response. She’s ready, but it’s all about her family and getting it all just perfect with them. I’m resigned to letting her figure it all out now. She loves me, hell she’s put up with my B.S. for almost a decade she must, so I’m not worried. But yeah, it can be really frustrating.

FB


#19

been with my taiwanese wife for 7 years, married for two…and she tells me that the “I told you so” fear of getting involved in a relationship with a foreigner that may sour is never far from her family’s minds…its a big risk for them, and not much sympathy would be available if it did fall apart

and some local couples here date for a decade and its not considered abnormal.

also, consider that most newlyweds are “expected” by her mom and dad to have a house to move into…we still get crap for renting, but im not buying a house here! lol

additionaly, family is very important, and youre doing right by getting to know her family, but they know nothing about yours most likely, which may lead to some iffiness…

do you two live together now? does her family know? are you stable and able to support her? maybe she needs a take charge guy! LOL “Marry me baby!”

or just knock her up!

good luck


#20
quote:
Originally posted by noshrink: been with my taiwanese wife for 7 years, married for two...and she tells me that the "I told you so" fear of getting involved in a relationship with a foreigner that may sour is never far from her family's minds...its a big risk for them, and not much sympathy would be available if it did fall apart

I wonder how her family would feel if you were a Taiwanese businessman who’s just been assigned to work in Shanghai?