Aren't you from the states?

Life Dating & Relationships
1

Dear all,

I have this little problem with local or guys who have been abroad briefly (1-2yrs). Everytime they found out that I had lived in the states for quite sometime (over a decade), it somehow gives them the idea that I would be more open than local girls, so they start asking me personal questions, I mean really personal ones, such as sexual prefernce and stuff. Or worse, they will hug me, put their hand on my shoulder, or even tries to kiss me (on the cheeck, thank god I guess?). But everytime I refuse to answer, or put a stop to their actions, they always gave me this shocking look and say to me, what’s wrong, aren’t you from the states??

I guess it could be that they are just trying to flirt or something, afterall, I am a Taiwanese, so they can always explain their actions or something. Anyways, I just want to know, does the same thing happen to foreigners also, or it’s just me?

thanx!

2

[quote=“little_lyin”]Dear all,

I have this little problem with local or guys who have been abroad briefly (1-2yrs). Everytime they found out that I had lived in the states for quite sometime (over a decade), it somehow gives them the idea that I would be more open than local girls, so they start asking me personal questions, I mean really personal ones, such as sexual prefernce and stuff. Or worse, they will hug me, put their hand on my shoulder, or even tries to kiss me (on the cheeck, thank god I guess?). But everytime I refuse to answer, or put a stop to their actions, they always gave me this shocking look and say to me, what’s wrong, aren’t you from the states??

I guess it could be that they are just trying to flirt or something, afterall, I am a Taiwanese, so they can always explain their actions or something. Anyways, I just want to know, does the same thing happen to foreigners also, or it’s just me?

thanx![/quote]

i donno, come on over and lets give you a hug and a kiss on the cheek and ask you some questions and then we will tell ya?? haha JUST KIDDING.

IM awaiting all the right answers right here, stay tuned !!

p.s. i think that you may just be too cute for your own good, and the guys will use any excuse to get closer?? either that AND/OR you need to step up to a different GRADE of guy?

3

[quote=“little_lyin”]Dear all,

I have this little problem with local or guys who have been abroad briefly (1-2yrs). Everytime they found out that I had lived in the states for quite sometime (over a decade), it somehow gives them the idea that I would be more open than local girls, so they start asking me personal questions, I mean really personal ones, such as sexual prefernce and stuff. Or worse, they will hug me, put their hand on my shoulder, or even tries to kiss me (on the cheeck, thank god I guess?). But everytime I refuse to answer, or put a stop to their actions, they always gave me this shocking look and say to me, what’s wrong, aren’t you from the states??

I guess it could be that they are just trying to flirt or something, afterall, I am a Taiwanese, so they can always explain their actions or something. Anyways, I just want to know, does the same thing happen to foreigners also, or it’s just me?

thanx![/quote]

little_lyin, I’m a little confused by your post. Are you having this problem with local guys or Western guys?

Regardless, you don’t have to put up with those kinds of questions. If they start asking you personal things that make you feel uncomfortable, just speak up and tell them to knock it off. Be very firm and clear about it. That’s exactly what most “girls from the States” would do in that kind of situation.

4

[quote=“Erhu”][quote=“little_lyin”]Dear all,

I have this little problem with local or guys who have been abroad briefly (1-2yrs). Everytime they found out that I had lived in the states for quite sometime (over a decade), it somehow gives them the idea that I would be more open than local girls, so they start asking me personal questions, I mean really personal ones, such as sexual prefernce and stuff. Or worse, they will hug me, put their hand on my shoulder, or even tries to kiss me (on the cheeck, thank god I guess?). But everytime I refuse to answer, or put a stop to their actions, they always gave me this shocking look and say to me, what’s wrong, aren’t you from the states??

I guess it could be that they are just trying to flirt or something, afterall, I am a Taiwanese, so they can always explain their actions or something. Anyways, I just want to know, does the same thing happen to foreigners also, or it’s just me?

thanx![/quote]

little_lyin, I’m a little confused by your post. Are you having this problem with local guys or Western guys?

Regardless, you don’t have to put up with those kinds of questions. If they start asking you personal things that make you feel uncomfortable, just speak up and tell them to knock it off. Be very firm and clear about it. That’s exactly what most “girls from the States” would do in that kind of situation.[/quote]
I agree with it.when they put their hands on your shoulder and you feel uncomfortable.
I think that’s harass. :saywhat:

5

Kick’em in the balls. They’ll get the message loud and clear.

For the life of me, I don’t understand why women are so passive. Why do you let guys get away with this shit? Stand up for yourself and stop being such a whinging wimp. Every woman should have such an attitude. It’s called Feminism 101. Pity it hasn’t reached Asia yet.

6

When I’m with Asian Americans in a casual setting like a louge or a bar, there are plenty of hugs and cheek kisses going around amoung friends and acquaintances. Sexual jokes are common in that setting. I never thought much of it since we’re just brought up that way.

Some of the people I knew were from church as well. But of course we never behaved like that at church. And not every sunday school friend would meet up for happy hour either.

There is a time and a place for everything.

But if you’re uncomfortable about it, just speak up, people that lived in the USA are also used to being shot down. :wink:

7

[quote=“Quentin”]Kick’em in the balls. They’ll get the message loud and clear.

For the life of me, I don’t understand why women are so passive. Why do you let guys get away with this shit? Stand up for yourself and stop being such a whinging wimp. Every woman should have such an attitude. It’s called Feminism 101. Pity it hasn’t reached Asia yet.[/quote]

Thank God that horror of Western society hasn’t reached Asia yet. :noway:
Sorry girls, but although much of the freedoms that came with the feminisim movement are to be applauded, the “ugly” side that Quentin refers to is something I for one find appalling. It was a sad day when I opened a door for a “lady” like my granny taught me a gentleman should do, and she turned around in a fury and said, “I can f****** open a door for myself, you chauvinistic asshole!”

But as to the OP question… I don’t think that generally happens to foreigners. Perhaps you really are to cute for your own good (as another poster suggested), or perhaps you are hanging around with strange (sexually frustrated?) guys. Be firm and tell them to back off if you don’t like it. If, however, you do like the guy, well, you’re a woman…all you need to do is to smile. :wink:

8

to Erhu: I am referring to either local guys or some taiwanese guys who had been studying abroad no more than two years. I just feel that somehow they have a distorted vision of how Westerners are like and they are projecting to me.
to Quentin: kick them in the balls may sound tempting, but that constitutes battery, so I am not willing to take the risk! As for being passive, I agree, but Chinese society is a collective one, harmony always place before one person. As much as I would like to be myself, I am not willing to take it to the extend that I might have to take the whole society on.

to AC_Dropout: I do hug and kiss my friends and we do tell jokes, but we have to be friends first. I am talking about people who I first met or semi-strangers (friends’ friend who I have seem a couple of times indirectly), who tries to pass on as my good friends, as greetings. Perhaps they don’t mean any ill, but for me, it’s a bit too “friendly”.

as for the guys, some of them are just mere acquaintance that I can brush off, some are colleagues that I need to be more careful, since I have to see them everyday. of course quitting the job is always an option, but I think it is unless I figure out how to deal with it, it will always be a problem of mine.

I realize that my agony may not be that apparent to some, as I now think perhaps to them, I am like a simulator. Afterall, I am still a Taiwanese, I will not have the latitude to behave like an actual foreigner, so it is safe and fun for them to behave the way they do.

I will try to be more firm on my position and demeanor, I am greatful for the help!

ps. I am hoping that I am really too cute for my own good, then I can comfort myself that at least I am good looking; but I think for some, as long as I am a female and has it pulse, it should be sufficient.

9

Tell them you were in Canada…not the USA.

That should put an end to the unwanted displays of familiarity.

10

[quote=“bismarck”][quote=“Quentin”]Kick’em in the balls. They’ll get the message loud and clear.

For the life of me, I don’t understand why women are so passive. Why do you let guys get away with this shit? Stand up for yourself and stop being such a whinging wimp. Every woman should have such an attitude. It’s called Feminism 101. Pity it hasn’t reached Asia yet.[/quote]

Thank God that horror of Western society hasn’t reached Asia yet. :noway:
Sorry girls, but although much of the freedoms that came with the feminisim movement are to be applauded, the “ugly” side that Quentin refers to is something I for one find appalling. It was a sad day when I opened a door for a “lady” like my granny taught me a gentleman should do, and she turned around in a fury and said, “I can f****** open a door for myself, you chauvinistic asshole!”

But as to the OP question… I don’t think that generally happens to foreigners. Perhaps you really are to cute for your own good (as another poster suggested), or perhaps you are hanging around with strange (sexually frustrated?) guys. Be firm and tell them to back off if you don’t like it. If, however, you do like the guy, well, you’re a woman…all you need to do is to smile. :wink:[/quote]

That’s not what I’m talking about. I’m not talking about some neurotic psycho going off on a guy for opening a door. I’m talking about guys who grope women and the girls let them get away with it, for…“face” or whatever. You can get away with stuff you couldn’t do back home and quite a few guys take advantage of that. I wish more Taiwanese girls would stand up for themselves when getting sexually harassed.

11

Ok, here’s what I think happens.

After years of pleading, Socially Awkward Taiwanese Guy finally convinces mommy to bankroll his Great American Adventure.

He’s been watching Baywatch with the sound off (if you know what i mean) for YEARS so while he’s telling mom about the cultural riches that await him in the mysterious occident what he’s really thinking is “Fathers, lock up your daughters!”

AFter a 12 hour flight, Taiwanese Guy lands at O’Hare and makes a gangly beeline for a connecting flight to

A: Los Angeles B: New York C: Orlando

A Taiwanese map of America would show these cities sort of vaguely smooshed together.

Soon, Taiwanese Guy personally witnesses or hears stories relating the beer-fueled excesses of American college students. Although he’s too timid to actually approach any women, he comes away with the impression that “american girls are like, total hobags.”

After a year of hanging exclusively with a gang of other taiwanese students, speaking only chiense and eating only in chinese restaraunts, he returns home to plague poor ABCs like little_lyin.

He does not realize that:

1-many americans are not from LA
2-many americans are quite conservative
3-many americans do not lead lives out of Girls Gone Wild

Here’s where things get interesting. In SATG’s foggy little brain,

chinese chauvinism + american libertinism = it’s ok to grope American women (especially if they are ABC and thus less intimidating)

12

[quote=“beautifulspam”]Ok, here’s what I think happens.

After years of pleading, Socially Awkward Taiwanese Guy finally convinces mommy to bankroll his Great American Adventure.

He’s been watching Baywatch with the sound off (if you know what i mean) for YEARS so while he’s telling mom about the cultural riches that await him in the mysterious occident what he’s really thinking is “Fathers, lock up your daughters!”

AFter a 12 hour flight, Taiwanese Guy lands at O’Hare and makes a gangly beeline for a connecting flight to

A: Los Angeles B: New York C: Orlando

A Taiwanese map of America would show these cities sort of vaguely smooshed together.

Soon, Taiwanese Guy personally witnesses or hears stories relating the beer-fueled excesses of American college students. Although he’s too timid to actually approach any women, he comes away with the impression that “american girls are like, total hobags.”

After a year of hanging exclusively with a gang of other Taiwanese students, speaking only chiense and eating only in chinese restaraunts, he returns home to plague poor ABCs like little_lyin.

He does not realize that:

1-many americans are not from LA
2-many americans are quite conservative
3-many americans do not lead lives out of Girls Gone Wild

Here’s where things get interesting. In SATG’s foggy little brain,

chinese chauvinism + american libertinism = it’s ok to grope American women (especially if they are ABC and thus less intimidating)[/quote]

HAHAHAA are you a movie writer?? :sunglasses:

13

B.Spam, you have nailed it on the head!!! :bravo:

14

Classic post material there, sure enough. :laughing:

(But what’s that about it NOT being like Girls Gone Wild over there? Fuck THAT for my next vacation, then – I’m going over to the Dam 'n score me some Eurotrash.)

15

little_lyin,

I guess it depends if you find any significant meaning in their actions. Usually I just blame it on the alcohol when people get a little to friendly at social gathering.

I remember one incident where an attractive Korean American girl hugged me as I was leaving a lounge with co-workers. First thing that came across my mind was “Am I being picked pocketed?” After the embrace I realized she was a co-worker also but came into the firm one year after me. She couldn’t remember my name, but obviously recognized me from the office. Definitely had one too many to drink.

Just enjoy yourself at these functions, because I know I would have driven myself crazy if I sat around at these things thinking “Is she flirting with me?” “Her performance review is coming up…,” etc. etc.

If your not comfortable being proactive in setting a personal space at these events, you could always buy a ring which would reduce the unwanted attention from people you barely know.

I don’t think 1-2 years in the States is too little time to pick up the habit of hugging and cheek kisses…especially if you’re on a campus where the weekends start on a Wednesday. And if you went over as a grad student you’re legal to drink. That’s like over 200 alcohol rich parties…kind of hard to kick the habit. :laughing:

16

little_lyin, I completely sympathize with your situation! I’m half Taiwanese but Canadian born and raised. And it just so happens that guys also tend to get the most bizarre impressions of me when they hear about my background. They either idealize me as some pure, innocent Azn girl or a crazy Canadian who rocks the bed. (Btw, Tainan Cowboy, I’m curious to know how you reached the conclusion that saying you’re Canadian rather than American will make people any less touchy-feely? Because the last time I checked, Canadians are just as open about free love, though I do agree overall, Canadians are more cautious and conservative. Even so, I’m not sure most locals can really tell the difference between Americans and Canadians except the general bias that Canadians are more “friendly” and “peaceful” :idunno: Not to say of course, that Americans aren’t the former either, but there within lies the problem of generalizing!)

Anyhoo, basically guys in general have a skewed understanding of us overseas Azns! And depending on the circumstances will either say, “But you’re from the West!” so you should be like this. Or, “But you have Azn roots!” so you should think like so and so. Western guys (those who have serious cases of yellow fever) smother us with their oriental chinadoll fantasies while Azn guys expect us to let loose in more ways than one. Yet while your problem seems to be more with local guys, I have to admit mine has been with Western guys who think because I’m Canadian I’m not going to mind hearing every juicy detail about their sexual lives and sharing mine as well in hopes I will act on what we talk about.

Trust me chica, these guys who are probing into your personal life and intentionally testing your physical comfort zone just really want to get into your hotpants. Why else would they be so curious about your likes, dislikes, and your possible bedroom talents? If you feel uncomfortable, cold shoulder/ice queen it all the way! Because anybody who wants to talk about sex so much, is usually not getting any and expecting you to help out in that department which is a BIG turn-off. Besides, having Western influences does not automatically mean you’re down with being promiscuous.

People who actually believe that are simply ignorant - local or not. :grandpa:

17

Where are you meeting these guys? Smoky dive bar, buxiban or at a wedding banquet, board room? It would be interesting to hear if its location specific or pretty much anywhere.

It would be hard to imagine within my small circle of friends any of them would act that creepy.

18

They watch too many Hollywood movies or European porns. I once had a guy ask me, if I like anal, since all Danish chicks in the movies do…
I did not kick his ass, I surely should have.

19

What’s that about all Danish chicks “digging” the thing in the but. Mmmm… I’d say they don’t like it more than other girls from other countries, including the Taiwanese girls. :wink:

To the OP. As already suggested by other posters you should try to play it out friendly but firm. Those guys who show their “interest” in you like that are obviously not worth any effort in the first place. I’m a guy and it has always been a major turn off for me if a girl came over starting playing like that, and especially if I didn’t know her very well (and know which buttons I’d to push). I know there are few of us out there but we do exist. :sunglasses: