Asking your GF to be tested without making it an ultimatum

Convincing your significant other to be tested without making it an ultimatum

I am getting a health exam for school next month and I want her to as well. I think it is important, but she does not want to. She says that her word that she is healthy should suffice. I love her very much and i do believe her, but sometimes a person can be sick or afflicted and not even know it.

How do you do it without turning it into an ultimatum? I want to be gentle with this and supportive of her feelings.

yeah, riiiiiiiiiight. :wink:

How long you’ve been going out together?
You can tell her maybe it has nothing to do with her giving you her word that she’s healthy but that a health check is something you do routinely as a measure of precaution. Don’t go at it too hard though.
If she’d go to the dentist for a teeth and asked you to get your teeth checked out as well what would you do? Honestly! :wink:

Worried about that Avian Flu stuff?

Dem ducks can be big trouble!..

haha, funny funny … ok you ahve had your laughs…

im looking for sincere and serious answers here. And no she does not have avian flu and yes we have been together for 2 years. Maybe its not a big deal…but…

Just what is it that you want her to be tested for? If you just want to know that she is generally healthy, then I say just take her word for it. General physicals are a complete waste of time and money for most people and it’s not like your SO is old enough to be at risk for any kind of diseases.

However, Hep B is much more common in Taiwan than it is in the West. From what you’ve described before, your SO is young enough so that she should have been jabbed for this, but most people require boosters every 5 or 6 years. Even if you have already gotten the Hep B jab, it is understandable that you might worry about getting it from her. It still happens in Taiwan.

Aside from STDs, Hep B is probably the only legitimate fear you should have. Asking her to do a Hep B blood test shouldn’t be too offensive. She should know that it’s a problem in Taiwan; just remind her that she probably needs a booster. When they do the booster, they should check her vaccination history or blood or both. However, unless you’ve been a prude with her or you’ve already gotten at least two Hep B jabs, she’ll have given you Hep B already if she has it.

For STDs, I’m afraid there’s no polite way to ask. And for other stuff, don’t worry about it. General physicals are a complete waste of time and money unless she is already showing symptoms of something or has high risk factors for heart disease, etc.

Oooooooh! This is material for an interesting…debate.

On the one hand, in this world of sexual promiscuity and HIV, it might be wise, even for her own sake, to have a health check. On the other, it’s a matter of trust.

Emphasize the concern for her. I love you so much. I just want to make sure you are ok. You mean so much to me. I couldn’t bear it if anything were to happen to you. :blah: :blah: :blah:

It’s the kind of thing that will turn even the most intelligent woman’s brain to mush.

OR:

Trust that she knows her health better than you, and that there’s nothing to worry about.

[quote=“derek1978”]haha, funny funny … ok you have had your laughs…
im looking for sincere and serious answers here. And no she does not have avian flu and yes we have been together for 2 years. Maybe its not a big deal…but…[/quote]Derek -
Yes…it was a feeble attempt at humor…just trying to keep things on the light side… :smiley:

Regular physical exams should be a part of everyones health profile. I suggest yearly unless you have a health compromise of one sort or another.
Complete blood screens - liver, kidney, electrolyte, cholesterol, etc. along with a thorough physical exam is a good idea.
Establish a base-line picture so you and your SO can enjoy watching the slow deterioration of the body that is a given for the human bean… :wink:

[quote=“Jive Turkey”]Just what is it that you want her to be tested for? If you just want to know that she is generally healthy, then I say just take her word for it. General physicals are a complete waste of time and money for most people and it’s not like your SO is old enough to be at risk for any kind of diseases.

However, Hep B is much more common in Taiwan than it is in the West. From what you’ve described before, your SO is young enough so that she should have been jabbed for this, but most people require boosters every 5 or 6 years. Even if you have already gotten the Hep B jab, it is understandable that you might worry about getting it from her. It still happens in Taiwan.

Aside from STDs, Hep B is probably the only legitimate fear you should have. Asking her to do a Hep B blood test shouldn’t be too offensive. She should know that it’s a problem in Taiwan; just remind her that she probably needs a booster. When they do the booster, they should check her vaccination history or blood or both. However, unless you’ve been a prude with her or you’ve already gotten at least two Hep B jabs, she’ll have given you Hep B already if she has it.

For STDs, I’m afraid there’s no polite way to ask. And for other stuff, don’t worry about it. General physicals are a complete waste of time and money unless she is already showing symptoms of something or has high risk factors for heart disease, etc.[/quote]

Thanks Jive. I appreciate your sincere thoughts. I think the Hep B test is a great idea. She is anemic and thus more susceptible to illnesses. Thanks for the help!

Tainan Cowboy…no worries…i had a laugh :wink:

I am waiting to see how long before the duck jokes get old :slight_smile: haha

Actually she sees a doctor semi often because of her anemic condition…so i guess there isnt much to worry about. I think I will just play it by ear and mention it every so often and perhaps she will take a couple extra tests. Thanks

Ah! So, there is an actual health issue. In that case you present it along the lines of:

[quote=“igorveni”]How long you’ve been going out together?
You can tell her maybe it has nothing to do with her giving you her word that she’s healthy but that a health check is something you do routinely as a measure of precaution. Don’t go at it too hard though.
If she’d go to the dentist for a teeth and asked you to get your teeth checked out as well what would you do? Honestly! :wink:[/quote]
I wasn’t joking, anything funny about my post?

Oh…and as another poster mention…HepatitusHep is a huge problem here on the island.
10,000 + children <12 yrs of age die of Hepatitus complication every year here.

I don’t see why it is such a big deal. In a lot of countries, it is normal for lovers to go for health checks together.

My French flatmate in London told me that he goes to the docs every 6 months with his girlfriend. Then again, given French girls’ preference for “licking” and “back stage” passes rather than “front entry” penetration, I am not suprised that routine testing is part of the dating culture.

In my opinion, she should not be protesting so much. She could be hiding some ailment. I would do some investigative work or persuade her to take the test.

[quote=“igorveni”][quote=“igorveni”]How long you’ve been going out together?
You can tell her maybe it has nothing to do with her giving you her word that she’s healthy but that a health check is something you do routinely as a measure of precaution. Don’t go at it too hard though.
If she’d go to the dentist for a teeth and asked you to get your teeth checked out as well what would you do? Honestly! :wink:[/quote]
I wasn’t joking, anything funny about my post?[/quote]

Sorry, didnt mean to neglect ya igor :wink:

Dentists + drills + that yucky paste that they make you bite down on for an hour leaving you with a tummy ache for hours + those xray cards you bite down on that pinch your gums (ouch!) = a strong dislike of dentists :raspberry: haha

But yeah, i would join in, i take pride in my teeth. Oral hygene is important ya know :wink: She was actually very surprised when she found that I brush and floss and rinse after every meal when I can…mostly 3 times a day. She only does it once a day. But her teeth look very healthy.

derek,
Once again, TMI about your girlfriend.

[quote=“tash”]derek,
Once again, TMI about your girlfriend.[/quote]

really? I’m not talking smack or anything. Just asking for some ideas. :blush:

[quote=“TainanCowboy”]

Regular physical exams should be a part of everyones health profile. I suggest yearly unless you have a health compromise of one sort or another.
Complete blood screens - liver, kidney, electrolyte, cholesterol, etc. along with a thorough physical exam is a good idea.
Establish a base-line picture so you and your SO can enjoy watching the slow deterioration of the body that is a given for the human bean… :wink:[/quote]
Sorry, but I have to disagree with this. Unless somebody already fits into a risk category for certain problems or they are already showing symptoms, yearly general physical exams are not worth it. Unless somebody is older, their family has a history with a certain disease or they are planning to take uncommon risks with their body (like a marathon or sailing around the world without a doctor around), then yearly physicals are a waste of time for most adults. The GPs I know just shrug and say “what the hell, they’re paying so I’ll do it” when people in their 20s and 30s with no sypmtoms or risk factors insist on a “full exam” (there’s no such thing) with lab tests. Are there cases of life threatening problems being discovered by a yearly physical? Yes, but they are likey one in a million. The main result of most yearly physicals is that the patient is reassured (sometimes wrongly) that he is healthy and the doctor and the lab make some easy money.

Now that I’ve gone and rubbished TC’s point, I’ll have to agree with his advice in this case. :blush: I would think that anemic folks need to be in for fairly regular physicals. And you should feed her the steak, uh, I mean a steak often.

Derek,
I do not know how sexual history, obviously, but a doctor in Taiwan treating for anemia would likely not know her sexual history either, nor would he test for things like HSV or HIV. I assume your concerns wanting her to be tested would primarily be for STDs, and (like getting someone to sign a pre-nup) it’s difficult to present the idea without sounding, well, mistrustful. But unless she had had absolutely no sexual contact of any kind before being with you, and has been totally inactive outside of your relationship since, obviously there are no guarantees. Perhaps just couching it as concern for her, plus characterizing it as a very routine thing for you, might do the trick.

[quote=“ironlady”]Derek,
I do not know how sexual history, obviously, but a doctor in Taiwan treating for anemia would likely not know her sexual history either, nor would he test for things like HSV or HIV. I assume your concerns wanting her to be tested would primarily be for STDs, and (like getting someone to sign a pre-nup) it’s difficult to present the idea without sounding, well, mistrustful. But unless she had had absolutely no sexual contact of any kind before being with you, and has been totally inactive outside of your relationship since, obviously there are no guarantees. Perhaps just couching it as concern for her, plus characterizing it as a very routine thing for you, might do the trick.[/quote]

Thanks ironlady, you bring up some good points too. I agree, just bringing it up now and then and making it a routine in my life might help out. I will give it a try. Thanks again! :slight_smile: