I’m an early 30s professional who has been in Taipei about 2 years. Haven’t really dated much during this time, and playing the field really isn’t my thing.
Basically, I came here on a pretty nice expat package, which was less than my US salary, but not by much. To ballpark it, I get paid somewhere between 5M to 10M NTD a year.
Anyway, I’ve been seeing this girl for the last 2-3 months, and she would take sometimes several days to a week to respond to messages. We would go on a date every couple weeks. Then, about 2 weeks ago I let my income slip. She’s a normal Taiwanese girl, probably making 40-50k a month. Fuck.
Now she’s pretty much responding to me every day, and is showing some serious interest here. She was interested before, but this just tipped the scales in a way that I didn’t really want.
Did I irrevocably mess this up? Any way to make sure she’s not just gold digging? I messed up. I know it. But I do like this girl for who she is, and I’d really like the feeling to be mutual.
Well the answer is in the post isn’t it. Anyway she sees you as ‘serous’ marriage material now.
There’s like 10 people making 5-10 million Ntd as an employee here haha , that’s some serious salary. I thought I was doing okay and I NEVER tell people what I make
and it’s nothing like that…ur lesson learned the number will be winging its way through all the friends and relatives.
I’m surprised she didn’t take him to the altar same day.
In seriousness though, I had a girl ask me many financial questions on the first date. Apparently the women here are just practical according to my Taiwanese friends . Financial issues are a big part of the decision making process , not just looks and feelings.
I wouldn’t say she’s a gold-digger as such, but I question your assessment of her prior interest. A girl who isn’t phoning you on a regular basis and demanding a jolly good seeing-to is not interested. Or at least inadequately interested. Repeatedly ignoring communications (assuming they’re not trite) is just plain rude. A date every couple of weeks is acquaintance-level familiarity. Her shift in attitude is not really important here. How she behaved prior to your disclosure - which presumably would be the default if you ever lost your job - is the issue.
The green light has shown, go for it! I hate to generalize, but it’s pretty true, Asian girls are pretty reserved when it comes to dating. They take time to walk slowly into love, at least usually slower than western couples typically fall into love hard. Especially considering all the cultural norms she goes against to accompany a foreigner in public, it’s totally natural to take her time, it’s even a great sign that she has gone out with you once, and then repeated! Seriously, if you listen closely to all the garbage natives say behind your back when a native girl and foreign guy go out together sometimes, it’s horrible. So for native girls, it’s often a battle against insecurity. You know what brings security? Of course, the stability of a firm financial foundation balances her. The important thing I would say is, how much you like her, and how strong your commitment is comprehend her as a person. If genuinely care for her and create a place for her to flourish, the love will overflow. A faithful woman stays for a faithful man.
Check it out though, are you two really compatible together? Only you know that, but love is love, plain and simple, and when two people develop it, love will be the bond to persist throughout any challenge and love will the be the arc to survive any flood.
My friend, I’m in the US and have faced serious challenges over the years in pursuing some Taiwanese girls. Finally, my good Vietnamese friend said, “You’re doing it all wrong! Asian girls are different. You want to date one? Just ask her, “You want a green card? You want financial security? Come with me!”” I took that advice and went and asked my taiwanese female platonic friend if that would work for her and she said “Yeah, of course" while laughing.
Sure, that works for many girls that would otherwise look at a life in poverty.
It’s not a distinguishing feature of “Asian girls” though, and frankly this stereotype is quite cringe-worthy.
If this happens after establishing the initial attraction and basic compatibility, then this seems sensible. People all over the world make sure there is some financial stability (or at least they should), so I don’t see how it’s specific to “the women here”.
When the financials can override other factors that would otherwise mean “no relationship”, then “being practical” is just a face-saving euphemism for gold-digging.
I admit, I’m no high-degree anthropologist and I’m not here to debate how much a stereotype is actually a trend. If we’re addressing what OP said he wants, OP asked a question,
“Any way to make sure she’s not just gold digging?”
Maybe I’ve got a liberal definition of gold digging, but I consider gold digging as a quid-pro-quo deal. We’ve all seen it, trophy wives who’ll give it up to live a life of luxury or a young guy marries a 70+ y/o woman to inherit her wealth. That said, I think one’s needs being met offers the courage to risk going into a relationship with another, which is a very serious matter. I’m here simply to say that a woman feeling comfortable with a man enough to open up is a good opportunity for a couple to grow into comprehension with each other and to develop a relationship together.
I had to re-read article twice I couldn’t believe my eyes. The caregiver said she was raped, claimed there was no vaginal intercourse, accepted 13 mill cash gift…
i don’t think its that. they were texting, and she wasn’t replying for days. no social pressure involved there, and i don’t buy that there is anyway. im usually the one who is self conscious from the extra attention, i’ve not noticed any girls mind, i think they get some face from it to be honest. now with parents its a different thing but out and about in the street, i don’t think its an issue.
To put into perspective…
Wouldn’t you (as a woman) be certain that your date really a husband material, considering he has an income that fed your (soon-to-be) Kim Kardashian-ish lifestyle?
This sudden change of mood is not exclusive to Taiwanese women tho…
Perhaps the woman didn’t think he let the information “slip”. She may have thought he was being deliberate to let her see he was serious and could afford to support her.
