[quote=“derek1978”]
What should be expected in teh days to come?
Is there anything I should know I should do that is customary for Taiwanese? A gift I should bring to teh family, ghost money, etc etc? [/quote]
A white envelope, bai bau, the contents of which should not be too much so as to prove “insulting” to the family. Most offer between $1100-$1400, though as a soon-to-be member of the family, offering more would not be insulting. This should, ideally, be offered at the cremation/burial service, but if you are not going to attend that, it can be offered now.
As for what to expect, I assume that you will not be going to the actual funeral, but to the showing or visitation where everyone comes to pay their respects. Traditions and beliefs vary, but commonly, they perform what is called the Chi; seven non-sequential days of rituals and reciting sutras that are determined, as is the actual date of the cremation, in consultation with a geomancer’s instruction as to which dates are most auspicious. This is the reason that the actual cremation, or funeral in our thinking, can be up to 30 or 40 days after the passing.
You will pay your respects. They will most likely have a picture of the grandmother with her pai hwei and an urn for incense in front of it. The pai hwei is the effigy where her soul resides over the course of the “seven” days in preparation for transcendance to the pureland. You will take a single stick of incense, light it, stand in front of the pai hwei with the incense held high and give a silent avotion for the wellbeing of the grandmother’s soul. In your case, it could just be a prayer or a wish that the gods take good care of her through her transition and that she be kept safe from peril. When you are done, bow deeply three times and place the unlit end of the incense stick into the urn in front of the pai hwei.
I don’t think they will ask you or you will be expected to do more than this. They might have monks and family members, usually four or five, reciting sutras as part of the Chi. If this is the case, a trip to the store to pick up some refreshments for everyone might be a good idea, because sometimes these rituals can go for 6-7 hours at a time. All depends how devoted they are.
Just be sensitve to the family’s needs and emotions. More than anything you can ever say or do, this is what they will appreciate the most.
My deepest and sincerest condolences for your fiancee’s loss.
If you need any more info, pm me.