And after STG’s excellent and (from what I’ve seen) accurate narration, even more so.
I dont know what you guys are talking about everything being so somber. No smiling, laughing, etc???
The family has been so talkative while sitting outside the “ceremony room” where the grandmother is. We spend the whole day there chatting about everything and even having english lessons with the kids. We talk about the grandmother and good memories, and share stories from the past. All are done with smiles, laughs, and the occassional cry. But I would say the mood is more respectful happiness than a mood of somber and quietness.
We still have 7 more days until the end of the funeral. I will keep posting more as the days go by.
Welcome to Taiwan where every family has their own version of Taiwanese culture.
Seriously. This goes for funerals, weddings, folk cures, and geomancy.
derek, you mentioned a while back that this should be an interesting experience. Absolutely.
Thanks for the description smell the glove.
I participated in my wife’s grandfather’s funeral in Chiayi a year or two ago and it was fascinating. I began writing a summary afterwards and had intended to post it here to share, but I never completed it. No strippers at this funeral, but lots of people covered in hooded outfits burning incense and bowing. Four funeral professionals led the ceremony, making odd snake-charmer like music, with the lead professional chanting something and mock sobbing, all under the tent that had been erected in front of the deceased’s now vacant house.
Everyone had a different colored/shaped hood with or without little ribbons, depending on whether you were a child, grandchild, niece, son-in-law, grandson-in-law, etc. I was given a hooded outfit in line with my relation and was told when to move forward, light incense, etc. People completely accepted me into the fold without undue staring or comments; it was easy to follow their lead and of course everyone was focused on teh dead man and the ritual, not on the one foreigner.
The most interesting part, I felt, was when the mourners, myself included, all took turns getting on our hands and knees and crawling into the house where teh coffin rested, in a circle around the coffin, heads down looking at the ground, and back outside again.
I was also asked to jump up in a blue truck where a mountain of ghost money was piled and help a few guys to undo the bundles, separate out the sheets and fold them so they burn better, and throw them in the immmense burn barrel, before they made a huge bonfire of it.
After many hours (my wife allowed me to fly down for just the last half of the ceremony; the entire thing must have been extremely lengthy) of the bowing, incense, weird music, fake sobbing and burning of ghost money, we finally formed a procession, with all the cars behind the truck making the loud funeral music, with the key relatives piled in the back of that truck, and we all headed out to the crematorium.
After a short visit there we returned to the deceased grandpa’s house and all the children (my wife’s parents, aunts and uncles) ate hearty bien dangs and chatted, neither drunken and exuberant nor somber and gloomy. He was very old, his death was a long time coming and I think there was some relief it had finally happened and the necessary rites had been performed so people could close that chapter and move on. They then cleaned the house, swept clean the front area and hosed it down, and the funeral cookies, sodas, fruit, etc that had formed part of the decorations were divied up between relatives to take home.
Was yesterday an auspicious day for funerals? I saw several funerals set up in the middle of the road, including one right in front of my apartment. Indeed, I’m awake right now because of these people chanting right outside my window. If this goes on for another week, I’m going to have to add to their body count. Argh! Go mourn somewhere else!
Nada in my experience - completely unthinkable, actually. This might in part have been due to a generational difference - after all, he had only recently become a grandfather for the first time. He’d had some heart trouble, but his death was completely unexpected, happening as it did in front of all of us about an hour into Chinese New Year.
I couldn’t agree more. Over the years, I’ve only heard a few people share funeral experiences - some were pretty similar and others differed dramatically. The range of possibilities is pretty astounding, not to mention the prevailing mood. It’s definitely not a subject to easily get information about.
Mother Theresa, thanks for the details of your experience. Sounds like quite an extended family was present. In our case there were only six of us there for all the rituals but plenty more relatives at the service. That might be a key difference between the funeral home and home funeral. I never heard of crawling around the coffin before - was it kept at the house the whole time?
Nada in my experience - completely unthinkable, actually. This might in part have been due to a generational difference - after all, he had only recently become a grandfather for the first time. He’d had some heart trouble, but his death was completely unexpected, happening as it did in front of all of us about an hour into Chinese New Year.
[/quote]
This, in my opinion, is pretty accurate. A funeral for a sudden or unexpected passing can be very somber. But if it is for someone elderly who has lived a full and complete life, the attitude is quite different. In my wife’s case, we were all in shock and obviously very sad; the whole proceedings were very emotional. But about a month and a half later, her great-grandfather (101 years old!) died, and the funeral was more like a celebration.
I third the nomination that this be made into a Classic Post or Sticky.
MT, CK & SMG -
Thank you all very much for the stories you’ve shared.
I will probably be facing this in the next few years with my wifes Father.
Derek -
Good Luck and enjoy the ride.
Here’s a bit of my Chinese funeral experience. When attending my wife’s grandmother’s funeral way out in the coastal sticks of Guangdong, mother-in-law told my wife and I not to go within two or three meters of the coffin. I asked her if it was bad luck. She said “no, you’re out in the country. Crude wooden coffins don’t seal very well and if you step too close, you’ll smell the decomposing body.” She was right. Luckily it was winter and the weather was cool.
Today there was a huge parade outside the home. Tons of people. Monks wearing yellow and with swords. Dancing and smashing cymbols, banging drums, and playing horns and setting off firecrackers. All of this was at 6 am. I woke up and everyone was outside, the family didnt want to wake me because we had been up pretty late the night before. haha…the noise woke me up instead, and Im glad…it was quite a sight. The day went on like the past couple days…just hanging out at the place where her grandmother is, making lotus flowers, ghost money rolls, and money pouches. All meals are eaten together as a big family in front of the ceremony room. Today was a really good bonding day. Met tons of the extended family and really started to warm up to everyone. I am now officially a “big brother” to all the kids. and they want me to call them ti ti, me me, etc. its cool really.
Why don’t they make ghost money in denminations of ten million? If they did that, you’d only have to burn a few and it’d be all over. Much better for the environment.
HG
[quote=“Huang Guang Chen”]Why don’t they make ghost money in denminations of ten million? If they did that, you’d only have to burn a few and it’d be all over. Much better for the environment.
HG[/quote]
Actually, they do. My wife had 270 boxes of 10 million (empty boxes that represent 10 million), a house, a Benz, an aircon, a computer and countless other amenities that escape me at the moment. Fortunately, the whole lot only cost meabout NT$9,000… :s
I’ve been told that if the deceased was over 80, you give red envelopes instead of white envelopes. Not sure why 80 is the magical cut-off time.
Does anyone know a respectful comment to make to a Taiwanese co-worker I he works for me) when their grandmother passes away. I May have to say something soon. She is over 80.
Obviously the easiest is to say in English " I am so sorry for your loss I know she meant so much to you" which is true. But what is one to say in Chinese out of respect for their loss but not to embarrass them as one who is not that close to the family.
And also in this case is there anything I am supposed to do ? Envelope?
Sometime invite him out ? Talk to co-workers about what to do?