Attitudes Towards STDs and Condoms For Married Couples

Life Dating & Relationships
#1

My friend brought to my attention an interesting debate on STDs and condoms, so I thought I’d share it with everyone to see what people think.

Should married couples still use condoms, assuming they can use birth control pills or vasectomy as a means of preventing pregnancy? If you use condoms in a marriage, is that a sign that you don’t truly trust your partner, or is it simple a safe sex measure? Do our married couples use condoms and how do they justify their choice?

Pro: The reason for using condoms is the low but real risk of contracting an STD from a partner that strays from the marriage. If a husband has visited prostitutes during the marriage, in particular, the risk of STDs is high.

Con: The reason against using condoms is to deter straying from the marriage in the first place. If there is a risk of contracting an STD and then passing it to your partner, one might be afraid to risk your partners health by straying.

#2

I’m married and I use condoms, but it’s just because my wife doesn’t want to take the pill or use an IUD, and she claims that condoms, the pill, and IUD’s are the only contraceptives available in Taiwan. She insists that there are no other contraceptives in Taiwan, not even diaphragms. (But I can’t be sure that she’s right because I’ve never actually asked a gynecologist or a pharmacist.)

I’m curious: Has anyone found any other contraceptives in Taiwan, like diaphrams, cervical caps, female condoms, Norplant (implants placed in the upper arm), Depo-Provera (injections of progesterone), spermicidal sponges, etc.?

#3

You poor poor bastard. Almost as bad as the semen retention technique. What is wrong with IUDs?

#4

My friend in the states uses condoms. He’s married, has one kid and his wife wants one more. It’s a safety thing for him. His first one was an accident and lead to his marriage, though he had been with his wife for over 2 years previous and loved/loves her very much. You have to be careful with birth control pills and women. As sometimes some women “forget” to take them. Which is how he got his first child.

CYA
Okami

#5

You poor poor bastard. Almost as bad as the semen retention technique. What is wrong with IUDs?[/quote]

Ummm … they can tear things in there, and some studies have shown that women who use them run a higher risk of certain types of cancer (cervical or uteran or something, I can’t remember) … at least this is what I remember from high school sex ed class …

#6

I am married & on condoms too… Well I am trying and fighting to get that changed, but well… travel and a stint, where I stayed alone during the week in taipei, while the wife was down with her parents made her a bit nervous.

#7

[quote=“Mr He”]while the wife was down with her parents made her a bit nervous.[/quote] :? :shock: :?

#8

What’s the attitude toward taking various STD tests in Taiwan?

Several people I know in the U.S. have a “policy” of always getting AIDS tests with every new sexual partner they have. In Taiwan, I have heard that saliva test kits are available (currently prohibited in the U.S. due to the FDA’s bureaucratic stupidity). Since they are readily available, private, and cheap, do people use them?

Also, does anyone know if there is a similar OTC test kit (whether mail-in or instant) for herpes? (I’ve never heard of one, although there is a blood test for both type I and type II now.)

ABTW, LittleBuddhaTW, I would guess that the increase in cervical cancer might be because of increased exposure to HPV, of which some strains increase the risk of cervical cancer. Then again, this wouldn’t explain an increase compared to diaphragms (unless all the contraceptive jelly that diaphragms require somehow protects against HPV). Fortunately, there appears to be a vaccine for HPV working its way through the pipeline now, so in another 5-10 years women might not have to worry about it any more.

#9

Thanks everyone for the responses. Funny because it seems like most of the men would prefer not to use condoms but their wives insist. In my friend’s situation, it seems like the woman thinks condoms implies they don’t really trust each other, in which case they shouldn’t be married. On the other hand, with husband-wife being one vector of transmission for various STDs, the guy seems to think it’s better to be safe and to separate safe sex practices from trust issues.

Okami- scary story about the woman “forgetting” to use a condom. Some people will stop at nothing to lock their partner in! I’ve noticed some married couples get started having kids right away. And I think it’s usually because one partner is insecure about the marriage and they think having a kid will lock the other person in. What a sound basis for a marriage.

#10

Tom,

What I meant was women forgetting to take their birth control pills. Most women, that I know/have known, hate to take the pill and do so only grudgingly because they hate condoms more, have problems with menstruation or really don’t want to have children.

People are people and each person has their own quirks. I’ve known men and women who tried to get their less than willing partner to become a parent by less than honest methods. Just one of those life things. My friend handles it by being in charge of birth control in his marriage. He just buys a big thing of Trojans(what I wouldn’t give for a supply of decent condoms) from Sam’s.

CYA
Okami

#11

In a word: Bad. Most Taiwanese I know have never been and never plan on getting tested for STD’s (even though there is now a decent anonymous STD clinic in Taipei, at Hsimenting – it’s well-run and seems quite professional). I’ve always gotten tested at least every 6 months, sometimes more frequently. I think it’s all about responsibility. Unfortunately, the sex education in Taiwan isn’t keeping up with the times, and people are presented with very little information. Like I’ve said before, AIDS is going to be a serious problem in the future here, but the typical “mei shi” attitude is going to bury Taiwan on this one, like it’s already starting to do in China. AIDS is a very preventable disease, and all it takes is education and a sense of responsibility (to yourself, your partner, and society as a whole). Sadly, these things are not ingrained into the social consciousness here, and I see no drive in the immediate future to do so … it’s all about “me me me”. In the States now, it’s an entirely different problem. People are aware of the availability and effectiveness of the latest treatment methods, so the fear is dying out and people are taking more risks. This is equally as dangerous, and that is why you see the rise in AIDS infections in certain groups again, principally in young gay men. Again, it’s a totally preventable problem, and I think the States needs to do even more (unfortunately Bush’s abstinence preaching is not only unrealistic, but deadly … another case of the policy of the government and the times not being in synch).

#12

I have a son, 6months old, and a strict condom rule! My husband doesn’t like it, but he’s not the one who has to give birth!

There are lotts of possible health side effects of most any type of birth controle. And there really aren’t many types here. I brought some contraceptive film with me when I first came and no one else had ever heard of it.

Men saying things like, “what’s wrong with an IUD” really gets to me. All a man has to do is wear a condom, or even enjoy the experience of letting his partner suit him up, but for a woman her ever option (other than female condoms, which I hear men complain even more about than male ones) comes with a poking, prodding trip to the dr. And that’s entirely asside from the more legit reasons of health side effects.

So you have a little less sensation wearing a condom. So does a woman. But you’ll still get your “experience,” uh-hem, and you might just last a little longer, too! What’s wrong with that?

And I’d like to add that I think a partner who would visit prostitutes would likely not bother wearing a condom to protect his wife from whatever he might have picked up. If he doesn’t care about his wife enough to stear clear of the ladies of the night, why does he care if she’s got a bug. He could just blame it on her then, when she has to see the dr.

#13

What tests do they offer there? Just HIV, or do they also test for other major STDs (Hepatitus B & C, Chlamydia, Gonorrhea, Syphillus, Herpes)? Do you have an address or phone number?

Worth noting that while prostitutes are clearly the highest probability risk of contracting an STD, regular infidelity is a more common occurrence that can bring an STD into a relationship too (from either side).

#14

Interesting… As a matter of fact, my wife had a pretty bad experience with an IUD. However, the feeling of discovering that the condom went and none of you noticed a day after ovulation, is likely to lead to even less pleasant things, like abortions etc. If you want to avoid the hormones in pills, then an IUD is the better choice. If I could get an injection making me sterile for say one year, then I would take the shot right away.

Female condoms… Remember to get some cream - there isn’t enough inside, so you risk getting your foreskin chafed off.

#15

No condom for me… nothing gets between me and my STDs! :laughing:

#16

What condoms?!! Do you dig your nose with your finger wearing gloves!!

#17

Tigerman wrote:

Good one. Is this original to you? Can I quote in the future? :smiley:

#18

[quote=“Mucha (Muzha) Man”]Tigerman wrote:

Good one. Is this original to you? can I quote in the future? :smiley:[/quote]

Thank you. Yes, it is an original from me. And yes again, you may quote this in the future. But be careful when you do… I don’t think it’ll help you get laid :wink: