Australians and New Zealanders - what's the difference?

Is there really any difference between Australians and New Zealanders?

They’re all artificially hearty macho types with irritating nasal accents and bizarre colloquialisms that make them unintelligible to the rest of the English-speaking world? I mean, does anyone care whether Russel Crowe is a fat kiwi bastard, or a fat Aussie bastard?

I think that, for the sake of convenience, the two colonies should be combined into one and “Land Down Under” should be adopted as the new national anthem. At least people have heard that one. Who the hell are Crowded House anyway?


Actually to clear one thing up - Australian English is nasal, New Zealand English is just lazy. I swear, we can’t open our mouths enough to distinguish between vowels, so they all end up as u’s. Australians over-distinguish.

True story: There is a clause in the Australian constitution that allows for New Zealand to become a state of Australia should NZ choose to do so.

Oh, and it’s “Down Under” not “Land Down Under”, by the way.

I hope that everyone is aware that the actor Sam Neil is a New Zealander.

New Zealanders are modest, open-minded, intelligent, ruggedly handsome (yeah, even the women), and hard-working.

Australians are fat, brash, alcoholic, sexist, wombat-shagging descendants of criminals.
I guess that’s why I’m often mistaken for an Aussie.

Sam WHO??? :smiley:

I believe that you, sir, are what is known in our bizarre colloquialisms as ‘a shit-stirrer’.

Stick that in your pathetically small Empire and smoke it :smiley:

The real answer, on both sides: they talk funny.

so stragbasher is fishing again:

They’re ex-cons and we’re sheepshaggers.

NZer’s actually do well in more than sport (unlike the wannabies):
Edmund Hillary KING OF THE WORLD
Rewi Alley GUNG HO
Kate Sheppard SUFFRAGIST
Ernest Rutherford ATOM MAN

Etc. About 1 million (could be less) kiwis live in Australia, holding up the economy and helping to prevent inbreeding. So, the two countries are quite closely linked, although we are nicer… and they are more cocky (arrogant)

Actually, quite a lot of English escape gloomy England for the greener pastures and blue skies of NZ.

Not the Nine O’clock News…!? Superb. Kiwis are truly incomprehensible. There’s a big hairy one that lives in Alleycat’s. When it talks I just nod enthusiastically and hope it doesn’t eat me.

Hexuan, I thought you were dead. But since you’ve arisen, you like my new avatar, and there’s so many uncultured antipodeans here, have another NTNOCN pic.

And yeah, that hairy thing at Alleycat’s is pretty scarey. You say it talks? Amazing! I wonder if it could be taught to type? That would be funny.

Oh, I see Mr. Stragbasher!! This thread is a sneaky “take me from behind” attack: well, now it’s time for me to tell people that you are, in fact, a WELSHMAN!!!

And yes the " big hairy thing" can type very well thank you. It can even type quickly just using one hand.

Actually, I like Aussies and Australians a lot. My sister is an Australian, and I narrowly missed out on being one myself. My folks moved from Oz to NZ in the late sixties, and they’re planning on retiring in Australia. I may also move to rural New South Wales in a couple of years (once I’ve saved up enough dosh for a plane ticket).

What Stragbasher = Sheepbasher!!! :astonished:

Pamela Stevenson’s a Kiwi isn’t she? Phoooarrrr! Was there another reason to watch NTNOCN?

Well, the truth is out. Yes, there is very little difference between Aussies and Kiwis.

We do define a few things differently though. Here’s a sample:

Kiwi Definitions
A movie/pop/sports star who was born in NZ but moved to Aus - A Kiwi
A movie/pop/sports/star who was born in Aus, but moved to NZ - A Kiwi
A criminal who was born in NZ but moved to Aus - An Aussie
A criminal who was born in Aussie but moved to NZ - An Aussie
Phar Lap - A famous Kiwi racehorse whose bones are in an NZ museum
Pavlova - A world-renowned Kiwi dessert
Jane Campion - Kiwi film director
Russell Crowe - Kiwi actor
Crowded House - Kiwi band
Kiwi who emigrates to Aus - someone who raises the average IQ of both countries
Sheepshagger - An Aussie (or a Massey student)

Aussie Definitions
A movie/pop/sports star who was born in NZ but moved to Aus - An Aussie
A movie/pop/sports/star who was born in Aus, but moved to NZ - An Aussie
A criminal who was born in NZ but moved to Aus - A Kiwi
A criminal who was born in Aussie but moved to NZ - A Kiwi
Phar Lap - A famous Aussie racehorse whose heart is in an Aussie museum
Pavlova - A world-renowned Aussie dessert
Jane Campion - An Aussie film director
Russell Crowe - An Aussie actor
Crowded House - An Aussie band
Kiwi who immigrates to Aus - worhtless welfare bludger
Sheepshagger - A Kiwi (or a Tasmanian)

Also, this joke doesn’t work if you subsitute Kiwi for Aussie:

What’s the difference between Australia and a pot of yoghurt?

If you leave a pot of yoghurt in the desert for 200 years, it develops its own culture.

Sam Neil–actor from “Omen III” (the antichrist), “Amerika” (president of Heartland ASSR), and Jurassic Park I and III (some paleontologist).

Their pop music is quite different. Kiwi-pop is pastoral lo-fi strumming - Crowded House, the Chills, the Go-Betweens, that sort of indie-rock pop sound. Australian rock is loud, violent ROCK! - AC/DC, Midnight Oil, the Saints, Cold Chisel, the Datsuns, etc. Reflects the differences between the two cultures - nerds vs. rednecks.

There’s a major problem with the post above The Datsuns are from New Zealand as are Pacifier and The D4, Sticky Filth and tonnes more that fit into that pseudo Australian category.

Anyway the difference is the modelling industry. New Zealand female models tend to be weird looking. Also swimming is a major difference…New Zealanders ancestors could swim far better and further and Australia developed the institute of Sport out of bitter jealousy.

This is ridiculous. New Zealanders are scared of poisonous snakes and spiders and Australians don’t have a say in the matter.

It’s North Americans who talk funny. I wish they would say things I could relate too.

To clarify - the Go Betweens are AUSTRALIAN and the Datsuns are from NEW ZEALAND - which kind of throws yr entire arguement on its head.

There is no difference. Basically, the English-speaking diaspora is just one big monoculture. The cultures of the United States, Canada, the U.K., Ireland, Australia and New Zealand are variations on a theme - WASP culture.

But I daresay, Americans, especially New Englanders are the WASPiest of them all.

speaking of which, there really is no difference between Canadians and Americans is there?? oh yeah, Americans are fatter and Canadians have better music? :smiley:

Canadians have better music? How did you come up with that?