Upon Receiving Solicitious E-Mail From Him Inquiring About my State of Health and Well-Being a Month After I Left Taiwan
I do not like your friendship plan,
I do not like it, “Sam”-I-Am.
I do not understand your thought
Or why the messages unsought
Did you think I’d e-mail back
Ready for your next attack?
How stupid do you think I am?
You think the scammer can’t be scammed?
Did you believe my clumsy lies
As I gazed sincerely in your eyes?
I said I’d lost my scholarship
To send you on an ego trip
Though I’m not too good as an actor,
I let you be my “benefactor”
Because that was the only way
To get you off your butt to pay.
My other job was never lost
There was no increase in the cost
To keep my parents in the States.
It’s just I was in desperate straits
You took the bait and wrote me checks
Necessitating monthly treks
Directly to your nearby bank
For every month you’d draw a blank!
“Oh me, oh my! The check is due!”
And every month a call from you:
“Could you wait a couple days?
Just until our client pays!
I promise that we’ll get the dough!
I’ll surely pay you what I owe!”
But others told me such delay
Merely meant you would not pay.
At 9 a.m. I set off cruisin’,
By 9:05, the bank called Susan
Every single month the same
Did Susan tire of the game?
Hitting up her relatives–
How much money would they give?
Even that would be OK
Since in the end, you had to pay
But then in May you went too far
That drama was just too bizarre.
Telling me you’re closing down,
Claiming that you’re leaving town.
I knew you had no BA miles,
Fer Gawd’s sake, I’ve been through your files!
The girls had left, most staff was gone,
But you just had to have me on.
“Left Taiwan” – where would you go?
There’s nowhere where you do not owe!
Hanging up the phone on me
Waiting round a month to see
If I would really cash the check
Then calling back, “Hey, what the heck
Is new with you? Long time no hear!
I’m back in Taiwan, have no fear!”
Well, now I need no ARC
I no longer have to be
Smiling down upon your antics,
Mute while you would play semantics
Giving people more excuses,
“It’s SARS!” “Typhoon!” and more abuses.
Your friendship’s strange – it wanes and waxes,
You say you like me, and gouge my taxes
This year, no signed receipts from me
For “income” that I’ll never see!
Think I want to work for free?
While you take a spending spree?
Do you think I’m “on the hook”?
Did you think I’d never look
At the stuff in Susan’s books
Not caring whether they’d been cooked?
So why the PMs and the e-mails?
I can’t be on your list of females!
Did your firm run out of money?
Can’t you find some local honey
To cough up wads of needed cash
While giving you a little
I actually think a better punishment is making sure they know you know how big a scumbag they are. And the more people that do that, the more obvious it’ll become to them that they you can screw some of the people some of the time, but… I forget how I was going to end this.
One and the same. But after all, there are lots of turkeys in the world these days. Turkeys, idiots, cretins, morons…you name it, and it’s probably working in the service industry somewhere.
A lady never reveals the precise source of her inspiration. Suffice it to say, I’m quite sure he knows who he is. If others have guessed, they didn’t hear it from me.
[quote=“ImaniOU”]I think you’d put a proud tear
in Theo Geisel’s eye with your prose.
And if “Sam” posts a job on here
We’ll toss him out onto his nose.
Cheers, love.[/quote]
Yeah, but adding “any more” to jobs would have totally buggered up my rhythm and I ain’t no Fred Smith kinda poet (read: ain’t got no rhythm).
Unless the poem was about Santa Claus and Xmas eve. Just leave out a plate of green eggs and ham by the fireplace to ensure you don’t get coal in your stocking.
Bravo, Bravo! Your poem is great
(I’m sorry that I’m posting late)
I happen to know who your “Sam” is
Yes, he’s a loon… he is no whiz
His reputation knows no bounds
His number of enemies astounds
You’d think he’d finally take a clue
And talk straight when he talks to you
Incredibly, though, his lies won’t cease
Sometimes it’s creative, mostly it’s weak
Because you know he’s trying again
To hoodwink good women and men
What’s really rich is that he don’t know
How all his own staff think him low
They’ve tired of his cheats and lies
And tell his dwindling clients why
Their projects are chronically late
(Cuz all the good translators now hate
To be around him, cause he’s so murky)
All I can say is, “you deserve it, turkey!”
