Been faithful my whole life.. this new episode tho.. dammit!

Emmigrated abroad when I was 3, spent as much time as Nelson Mandela spent in jail on robben island, there. Make that 27 years. Back in Taiwan now to see what I missed out… year and half ago.

I flirt consisitently, but just short of the line.

MY ex-girl cheated on me to end a 6 year episode. Now in 8 months into a girl who moved in since day 1. Smooth uneventful relationship. day in and day out. Fireworks remnants barely simmering.

enter complications at work with another girl, not deliberately, but in confidence, quite attracted to her, (generally I can avoid this) and shes coming on to me quite strongly too. which I can generally shake off. (but man shes pushing all those damn buttons)

I have absolutely no reason to call off my current girl. Shes quite fine IMO, treats me well, and I offer her the same.

Forumosans, I signed up because I cannot speak to anyone else… all my friends are her friends.

I, incedentally am quite proud of my record. But this has thrown me way off track. Whats happening to me? Please help.

What’s happened? Easy. The usual gets old: taken for granted. The new’s exciting, passionate. What are you looking for, anything long term? If so, 6 or 12 months down the road, who would you like to be with? Who will still be there? Do you want someone different, or something different with your current gf?

Ok, so what’s the problem?

Use the other girl for fantasy showertime selfpleasure. And when you’re done, think about all the trouble to just saved yourself from.

btw, how smart is it to post your pic in your avatar? (if it’s you)

[quote=“JohnnyT”]Emmigrated abroad when I was 3, spent as much time as Nelson Mandela spent in jail on robben island, there. Make that 27 years. Back in Taiwan now to see what I missed out… year and half ago.

I flirt consisitently, but just short of the line.

MY ex-girl cheated on me to end a 6 year episode. Now in 8 months into a girl who moved in since day 1. Smooth uneventful relationship. day in and day out. Fireworks remnants barely simmering.

enter complications at work with another girl, not deliberately, but in confidence, quite attracted to her, (generally I can avoid this) and shes coming on to me quite strongly too. which I can generally shake off. (but man shes pushing all those damn buttons)

I have absolutely no reason to call off my current girl. Shes quite fine IMO, treats me well, and I offer her the same.

Forumosans, I signed up because I cannot speak to anyone else… all my friends are her friends.

I, incedentally am quite proud of my record. But this has thrown me way off track. Whats happening to me? Please help.[/quote]

Very honest of you to post this.
You seem like a very nice guy, so here’s my advice to you…
The next time you think about the possibility of taking it further with the girl from work, ask yourself how you would feel if your current girlfriend did something similar. Then think about how it’s not just you that you should be thinking about. I mean this in the most sincere way possible and I wish you good luck.

Also, jdsmith’s advice (in his first reply) is not entirely stupid.

The 6 year finale tore me up pretty good. I wanted something long-term, something to settle into. I must be honest at least that’s what thought I wanted. I dont entertain marriage at this stage, and not particularly excited about having kids. I consider myself a kid in many ways still. Like they… kids cant have kids. I know where I am with that.

Having said that… you’re pretty much spot on. You last question I’m quite intruiged by… I would like something different, if it could come from my current girlfriend I would prefer it to be so. But this has been dragging on for a few months. We’ve both tried many things, to this day I haven’t given up, and I hold on to make it work. But I’m doing it… but I’m not feeling it.

is this even coming out right?

yeah… thanks

If you’re trying, good. Try something different? :idunno: Have you talked it out? Sometimes relationships wind down, sometimes they go through cycles. Trick is to avoid long downward spirals, or prematurely leaping just for a quick rollercoaster ride.

btw, reread jdsmith’s post about your avatar. You might be surprised and learn that one of your friends is reading this. Ah, you got that. Good.

[quote=“JohnnyT”]Having said that… you’re pretty much spot on. You last question I’m quite intruiged by… I would like something different, if it could come from my current girlfriend I would prefer it to be so. But this has been dragging on for a few months. We’ve both tried many things, to this day I haven’t given up, and I hold on to make it work. But I’m doing it… but I’m not feeling it.

is this even coming out right?[/quote]

To paraphrase Sir Archibald Clerk Kerr, we all feel like this sometimes, but it takes a Turk to put it on his name card. Your surname isn’t Turk, is it?

From the British Ambassador to Moscow, to Lord Pembroke at The Foreign Office in London during WWII.

[quote]My Dear Reggie,
In these dark days man tends to look for little shafts of light from Heaven. My days are probably darker than yours, and I need, my God I do, all the light I can get. But I am a decent fellow, and I do not want to be mean about what little brightness is shed upon me from time to time. So I propose to share with you a tiny flash that has illuminated my sombre life, and tell you that God has given me a new Turkish colleague whose card tells me he is called Mustapha Kunt.

We all feel like that, Reggie, now and then, especially when Spring is upon upon us, but few of us would care to put it on our cards. It takes a Turk to do that.

Sir Archibald Clerk Kerr
H.M. Ambassador, Moscow[/quote]

HG

From a biological view it is natural. Humans are meant to cheat. Given that up to 20% of the human population are sired illegitimately is only further evidence in my opinion that cheating must occur more than 20% to get a 20% success rate.

To adhere to your Socratic mind’s social construct of proper behavior only further restricts yourself from discovering yourself.

It is within the Dionysian mind’s biological impulse where one true self resides.

To not explore is a tragedy.

From a pragmatic point of if the girl cheats, the relationship can survive. You cheat, the relationship can also survive.

Do you really want to be on your death bed one day, wondering about what could have been, a life of regret of never cheating, but only being cheated on.

Perhaps he would rather look back on a life of virtue, replete with satisfaction that he was always honest and faithful to those he loved.

Assuming 80% faithful and 20% unfaithful are a genetic trait, or more accurately a biological necessity to ensure genetic diversity in future generation.

Should the social values of those being faithful be imposed on those being unfaithful?
Should right-handed people force left-handed people to conform, no matter how unnatural it may be?
Should we believe the Sun revolves around the Earth, when evidence the countrary exist before us.

[quote=“ac_dropout”]Assuming 80% faithful and 20% unfaithful are a genetic trait, or more accurately a biological necessity to ensure genetic diversity in future generation.

Should the social values of those being faithful be imposed on those being unfaithful?
Should right-handed people force left-handed people to conform, no matter how unnatural it may be?
Should we believe the Sun revolves around the Earth, when evidence the countrary exist before us.[/quote]

Yawn

I’m not going to reply to intentionally false analogies and incoherent rambling.

If it is down to the point that you want to cheat, break it off.
Especially if it is to that point in less than a year.

I’ve always found being faithful easy. Can’t imagine cheating. It would destroy my self-image as a righteous man. I guess that’s because my mistress is the bottle.

The perfect cover for a cheater…pretending to be a serial non-cheater. Brilliant…
:laughing:

cheating? no way, once you signed on the dotted line (marriage) or committed yourself in a relationship, that was a choice you made at the time, and you damn well better stick to it.
There is no excuse for that.

Otherwise you better stay awake all night, cuz you never know when the mrs will have the carving knife out :smiley: (and rightfully so)

[quote=“SuchAFob”]If it is down to the point that you want to cheat, break it off.
Especially if it is to that point in less than a year.[/quote]

This is solid advice.


In any event, my advice to the OP would to be honest to oneself first. If one is honest to oneself, then, it’s so much easier to be stright up with others. So much romantic strife occures because of a basic lack of straightforwardness. When even thinking about cheating, one should keep in mind how one would feel if one was cheated on.

It’s about one of the worst damn feelings in the world.

Be decisive. Make a choice & stick to it till the good’s gone. And even then some.
Keep the fringe attractions in the imagination.
jd’s shower suggestion is highly practical.

Tough decision you have to make.

It all comes down to your personal integrity and if you’ll be able to handle the consequences of cheating…or the consequences of not cheating.

Shafts of light from a passionate affair or a slow-burning ember that takes work to keep alive?

If you really love the girl you’re with, you’ll take the time to work on the relationship and blow on the ember. If you’re not ready to make such a commitment, then perhaps you should break it off and have your fun with your coworker.

Interesting post, good luck!

Be true to your genetic make-up, if you’re one of the 20% with the cheater characteristic, you must comply for the good of man kind. The trait is necessary for human survival in the face of drastically changing environment.

With global warming coming, it maybe the only way to ensure the survival our specie.

Take one for the team…