My husband is having a small down period - too much trouble at work and he’s thinking (way) too much about the future, which makes him in a bad/sad mood and lots of headache.
I want to treat him with a kind heart, and was thinking of doing something for him or buying a gift.
As a man, what would you like to receive from your SO?
As a woman, what have you done for your SO, that he really liked?
Is he worried about money? If so, then buying him something might make him worry more about you spending money. Just something to think about.
If I were going through a similar experience, the most important thing for me would be knowing I had my wife’s love and support, and that she would feel this way regardless of what happened in the future.
Treat him well when he gets home from work. Make him a nice meal (one you know he likes). Sit him down. Let him relax. Give him a massage (if he likes that sort of thing) and probably not a bad thing if that massage has a happy ending. You’d be amazed how much that can unstressed a guy. We’re pretty simple when it comes to that sort of thing.
I know exactly where he is coming from… He most likely needs to release some pressure, blow off some steam, have a laugh, forget about his troubles.
Something like a night out to see a funny movie, or even a comedy night would help raise his spirits. Something like lazertag, paintball or go-karting would help blow off some steam.
As a gift, my wife bought me one of those little RC copters (picooz i think is the name), it fits in the palm of your hand and is flown indoors, about NTD1K in toysRus. It is a great stress reliever… and takes your mind off things because you got to concentrate hard to fly it… although it has to be said both the wife & dog hate it
[quote=“X3M”]I think I would like the kids to be sent away for the weekend, book into a hotel or motel and just enoy time together.
Of course, this might be counter-productive if money is real short.[/quote]
This would actually be very good for the both of us. Been long time, since we’ve been alone without son or other people taggin along.
The money isn’t short. Not BIG HUGE, but for sure not short.
Maybe I should try work something out…
Whenever my husband is down, I’d hug him and give him foot massage. I’d look at him and just smile and ask him to look at me smiling, and make faces until he cracks up too.
Most importantly, I’d ask him to tell me what’s on his mind and sympathize with him, but not necessarily try to come up with a solution unless he asks me for my opinions on approaching the problem. This is kind of my firm belief that when couples or even friends share problems, they don’t necessarily want to seek for an answer because most of the time they already know what the answer is, and what they need to do. Rather, they want spiritual support, which is sympathy and words of encouragement, to feel that their friends or loved ones are resonating their feelings.
I hope your husband cheers up soon. He’s got a good wife who worries for him.
[quote=“irishstu”]Is he worried about money? If so, then buying him something might make him worry more about you spending money. Just something to think about.
If I were going through a similar experience, the most important thing for me would be knowing I had my wife’s love and support, and that she would feel this way regardless of what happened in the future.
Treat him well when he gets home from work. Make him a nice meal (one you know he likes). Sit him down. Let him relax. Give him a massage (if he likes that sort of thing) and probably not a bad thing if that massage has a happy ending. You’d be amazed how much that can unstressed a guy. We’re pretty simple when it comes to that sort of thing.[/quote]
The weekend trip is a good idea, but for something during the week, Irishstu’s idea is on the mark. Especially the highlighted bit. You’ll be surprised how important that is for a man. We spend a lot of time thinking about the future and how we’ll be able to support our loved ones ten or twenty years down the line.
Personally, I’m an ESL teacher. Since getting married and now expecting a kid I often wonder about the wisdom of leaving a well paid secure Navy job with good benefits for a life of leisure as an esl teacher… I also feel stressed out sometimes and usually just need reassurance from my partner. I have other plans for our future, but one sometimes loses track of them when faced with 17 screaming kids who seem incapable of learning the absolute basics.
As a result, as men, we try to picture ourselves ten or twenty years down the line. Where is it all going? What am I doing here? Men are goal driven and need to know where things are going, to have a plan, even a vague one.
I’m sure your husband also has future plans. Just let him know you support him and you believe in him. I think there are few things worse than not knowing if your wife supports you, or worse, she doesn’t have confidence you can do anything you want.
And I do, I actually believe he can do great - and I often tell him this and that I support him with his ideas and if he ever wants to make his own business. Which he often talks about.
We only got one day to enjoy each other alone, since my sister-in-law only had one day to babysit. But it sure is better than nothing!
Bring home a bottle of his favorite wine, whiskey, etc. Enjoy it with him while listening to his favorite music. And then once he’s liquored up…
Many people have mentioned massage. In particular, I found that a full body massage using scented oil relaxes him quite well. Spend time on each part of his body, warming up the muscles first before applying pressure. Don’t go too hard (like they do at the massage places all over Taiwan–ouch!) since this should be more relaxing and less “productive.” Really take your time, keep your hands warm and oiled, and he just might fall asleep. I recommend the lavender scented oil from The Body Shop.
If you can beat him home from work, clean your place up and light candles everywhere and get the music going before he walks in the door (if you have kids, arrange for them to go to a babysitter’s or friend’s house beforehand). Lower the lights, too. Setting the mood gets you halfway there.
Since you’re probably working with a bed rather than massage table, here’s a little trick I do: Put one pillow under his chest right up to his chin, and then another for his forehead. Then he can relax without his nose smushing into the bed or having to crane his neck to one side.
Hope this is useful to you! Good luck relaxing your guy–he’s lucky to have someone like you!
What blokes really want, but usually won’t admit is free time away from their womenfolk; free time to post drivel on forumosa, to get boozed up with the lads, to go hunting for poor defenseless animals, free time to use power tools in the shed, or perhaps just to read some books.