So it’s basically a lot like ghetto, then?
Dunno.
I think that Ermintrude is a bizarre English name… one that I will use as a character in my next book about my life as an English teacher, teaching in Taiwan, living on the edge, meeting characters and like experiencing an authentic existence filled with the put puts of scooters and the whoosh whoosh of gas-fried grills for street woks that take all of the exoctica of East Asia’s flora and fauna to serve up with a cold beer on a street corner, the beads of condensation rolling down the heat/humidity dislodged label like the drops of sweat rolling down my back… ah Asia! you beauty! you bitch! you all things to all people… book signings to be held at Eslite bookstore soon! Stay tuned for further announcements!
When I see ‘Ermintrude’, I think this:
It’s not my real name. My real name is ‘Buttercup’.
Fred! Desist! Or at least put a gecko crawling across the ceiling while the clock ticked, counting down toward that fateful moment when all would be lost. Or would it? Perhaps A-Huang hadn’t really betrayed her and the shipment was just delayed. But deep in her heart, she knew that wasn’t true. As she listened to the whirr of the ceiling fan and the cries of the fruit sellers down in the street, she wondered if she should try and make a break for it and risk getting lifted at the airport? If she could just get to her contact in Kowloon, everything would be ok. Or would it?
As the walls sweated in the interminable heat of mother Asia, Ermintrude reflected on the series of poor decisions that had led to this moment. The deals. The tense negotiations. The money and the inevitable hubris of betrayal. As Yonghe pulsed below, she held her breath. She slowly became aware that someone was banging at the door. The time of reckoning had come.
Still, it was better than working at the British Council.
while we are at it… this one for Candice…
but i guess in the show it’s spelt Candance…
Ah… the British Council… it seems like it was only yesterday… while in my final year at Cambridge University… when I had my first meeting with the British Council. My heart so filled with hopes of an exciting future as an English teacher in Asia… Asia… even the name beckoned with its hints of opulent indulgent effervescence touched with a soupcon of cruelty… barbarism… intensity… perhaps, it was the intensity most of all that called forth the adventurer in my heart but little was I to know then just how much adventure… some of it tragic… would be in store…
That May was particularly beautiful. The Gothic crenallations soaring against incredibly cloudless skies… the occasionally large puffy cloud appearing to suggest a down-filled pillow inviting those graduating one last chance to rest on the ivory tower complacency of youth and self-assurance… The British Council… so formally almost colonially proper… I pondered the visions of exotic erotic East that had filled my head while in the Twilight of British India class… soon unlike our Latin exercises, I would be providing the very basics of English language to enable not the professors and leaders of tomorrow but the budding secretaries and travel agents an opportunity for a better job, a chance to join the burgeoning middle classes of the newly rising Asia… Ah, again, the name, Asia… to let it roll over the tongue… to pronounce each letter separately… the very taste of the name in my mouth as I enunciated … all indicated nothing but clear signs of success, challenge overcome, accomplishment but most important… adventure…
Title (female).
Ace.
I mention this because most native Chinese speakers are brainwashed their first year in learning English into thinking
‘a’ is always pronounced short a always, and tend to ignore (or never remember) the long a rule imposed by the trailing e.
So he, his classmates, and buxiban owners say ‘ass’. Coincidentally, he was one.
Joanne.
A male.
Young fellow working at the Warner theaters named “Costco”.
I’m guessing his parents are members. 
A physical therapist named “Concrete” named his baby boy “Money”.
Manson. Seriously.
My favourite was a kid named Horse. I asked if his Chinese name had ma in it or such, but he just said “No, it’s because my friends say I look like a horse”. Fair enough. Had Scar and Simba that year too.
Not too many just now. One guy named Sony, never really questioned why…
Haha, we often call people back in the old sod ‘Horse’. Don’t know why.
So you might start out with a regular name but end up as a horse anyway .
In Taiwan I suppose it would have to be “Shower” (male). He’s a cool guy, spoke English passably well, and studied in the USA for a while. Can’t explain that.
I know a girl who chose to name herself “Motherfucker”
Knew a Chinese immigrant couple in the U.S. who named their kids Hansel and Gretel. I’m assuming (hoping) they didn’t actually read the story…
You know, I don’t mind whacky names when it has something to do with their Chinese name. But when a kid named Chung-han calls himself Squirrel, it’s very very weird.
A guy at my local 7/11 is called ice man. I’m guessing he is a top gun fan
I had a friend named Kerr Ko. The 7-Eleven by my work has a guy whose English name is listed only as “CHEN,” making him CHEN Chen. Very avante garde.
I’ve always had a fondness (?) for people who repeat the first syllable of their last name with their English name: Cheney Chen, Lisa Li, Andy An, Joanne Zhou, etc. (Most of these are real examples)
I’m just going to dole out new names for officials based on their last names: Taipei Mayor Howard Hau, Xinbei Mayor Julian Chu, President Mark Ma, VP Woody Wu, Taichung Mayor Hugh Hu… I could go on~