The original has a bad case of -ingitis, and the repetition of ‘her’ is unneed. I don’t know how something can both droop and be stiff at the same time. Rearange the long adjective noun phrases e.g.
The wheelchair-bound invalid was sitting
The invalid sat bound to the wheel-chair
the words in each sentence are the same, and the meaning is the same, but IMHO the second sounds much more ‘active’.
Make it shorter, the main point the the piece is to get actross the patterns
something somethinged like something else something elses
something looked something
This point is made early, and the rest is just overkill, and monotonous.
Towards the end there is a confusion in tenses .
I agree with Dead Wizard that the vocabulary should not be simplified, but agree with everyone else that this is not an example of good discriptive writing.
Oh, and get rid of “Her ears looked like swinging fans.”! WTF is that about.[/quote]