Got myself quite the shiner couple days ago - lotsa red around the eye, swelling on the top lid and on the cheek, and a little cut.
Any suggestions for getting it to clear up super quick - it looks ridiculous.
I guess time will heal it, ice/cold can of coke for the swelling.
Anything else? Any meds that get rid of the dead blood under the skin?
Man those mainland wenches can be awfully feisty.
Here’s a cure that should be available close to you. Yunan Bai Yao . . . great for stabbings and gunshot, so they say.
And here’s the spiel.
[quote]Yunnan Baiyao
powder
Yunnan Baiyao is surely the best known traditional medicine of Yunnan, China. There are several legends telling the story of its discovery.
The special effect of the medicine on wounds, bones, broken limps and even on gun shot wounds is legendary and there is no soldier who does not carry this life saving medicine with him. The medicine originally comes in 2 shapes: one has been a powder for both internal and external use, and one is a very special and very small pill. This pill is magic and reportedly safes the life of people who otherwise would just be doomed to die e.g. after seriously being wounded.
Here is the official list of applications for Yunnan Baiyao:
For bleeding patients with knife or bullet wounds or traumatic injury - no matter how light or severe - Yunnan Baiyao (powder) is applied dissolved in warm boiled water. For patients with stagnant blood and in pain but not bleeding, apply (powder) dissolved in wine.
0.25 g of powder in this suspension is to be taken orally to prevent infections and the rest applied on the surface of the skin. For internal hemorrhage, take only orally.
For easier oral application take the capsules: 1-2 capsules, 4 times a day
(for children aged 2-5 years give 1/4 of the dose, for children aged 6-12 give 1/2 of the adult’s dose)
For easier surface application on skin (not on bleeding wounds!) the spray has proven very effective. Indications reach from pain due to overworking as e.g. neck pin from sitting in front of a computer the whole day, to sports injuries, bone fractures, and old people’s back bone troubles.
The sprays come in 2 colors: the red one is only for the cooling of seriously painful injuries; after massaging in the red spray, the real Yunnan Baiyao is in the white bottle and is sprayed at last.
For very serious trauma only!, take the small red life saver’s pill!
(attention: never take this pill in light cases of injury)
(the pill comes with the powder, only)
Precautions: Yunnan Baiyao should not be taken during pregnancy. While taking medicine until one day after do not eat beans, fish, or sour food[/quote]HG
While HGC has a nursing background, I am a bit 
why he would tell you to use a medicine that could also cure gunshots and stabbings.
After all this is the same poster that tried to rid me of internal worms by having me sit over a bucket of milk. :s
Yeah, seems like drastic stuff. I just want the swelling to go down. Last shiner was about a week till I looked human again.
The people at the pharmacy sold me some tincture called “Ethacridine”, which is for the abrasions, but does shit for the swelling and dead blood under the skin.
Guess it’s make up by night and sunglasses by day. Christ, I feel like a tit. Must be said the locals don’t even look twice - like “ah, foreigner with back/red/swollen eye - same same as any other foreigner.”
Yunnan Baiyao…along with any of the other ways this elixir is named…is an absolutely great thing to have at the ready.
I first became acquainted with it when I noticed it showing up quite steadily in the field packs of various deceased an/or wounded members of the NVA. Did some further asking and found it to be a quite handy 1st aid remedy for immediate action on nasty things that can happen to the human body.
I have included it my various emergency 1st aid kits, ‘camping,’ home & auto, ever since. I even have some now in the med cabinet here at the house.
Good stuff to have available for the unexpected kitchen amputation and the random gun-shot or spear wound.
Probably not worth a darn for the black-eye problem though.
So maybe not quite all its cracked up to be? 
Gotta accept it - a black eye’s a black eye.
Wonder how they did the job and my glasses came out unscathed. It’s not like I said “hang on fellas before you whop me, gotta take the specs off”.
Damn cops are well keen on a report, which in my mind is completely useless - they came, they kicked, they sodded off.
Gotta tell you, I had none of this nonsense in Taiwan (I’m in Xiamen now).
No, no, really, it works! TC is right, it’s a must in every first aid kit. And Nama, I’m dissapointed you didn’t take my advice, the bowl of milk works a treat too! In addition to being a nuthouse nurse, I’m also a qualified barefoot doctor.
So maybe not quite all its cracked up to be? [/quote]
Well clearly they forgot to take the sole little red pill contained in each bottle of powder.
HG
[quote=“Huang Guang Chen”]No, no, really, it works! TC is right, it’s a must in every first aid kit. And Nama, I’m dissapointed you didn’t take my advice, the bowl of milk works a treat too! In addition to being a nuthouse nurse, I’m also a qualified barefoot doctor.
So maybe not quite all its cracked up to be? [/quote]
Well clearly they forgot to take the sole little red pill contained in each bottle of powder.
HG[/quote]
Which is also probably why they lost the war. Oh, wait…
Just pulling TC’s plonker a bit – I know the power of some of that herbal medicine stuff. I have this stuff called watermelon frost that you put on those mouth canker things you sometimes get. One day is all it takes.
Hirudoid cream reduces swelling and speeds the breakdown of bruises. not sure if you can get it here, but why not try? it’s a derivative of the heparin in leeches, which has become a mainstay of western medicine.
http://www.homepharmacy.com.au/products/products_view.cfm?ProductID=7245
either that, or a ripe fillet steak on the affected eye for a couple of hours should do the trick. 
"Just pulling TC’s plonker a bit – "
Now now…don’t ya be startin’ any rumors…:shh:
And it’s a good thing they lost, too, or would all be speaking Vietmanese now! TC"s post about the kit would probably look something like this:
Thuốc trị chứng trầm cảm Hershey Bar có thể không có tác dụng Hershey . . . mama!
Doc Urodacus is right, if you can get your hands on Hirudoid, that’s the ticket. Has nothing to do with piles, either.
HG
By the way, I’m in China - ‘ripe fillet steak’?? :help:
Walk into Houcaller Beef Steak - “hey, no, no, table for none - just here for one of your uncooked steaks.”
Laughs all round.
I remember that Hirudoid working a charm.
For now I’ll just pretend I’m part of Xiamen’s underground ‘Fight Club’…