Well, the weather was nice driving west and south a bit from Pittsburgh until late afternoon when an ‘ice-storm’ moved in or rather, I drove straight into it. Anyway, after driving for two hours or so along a road that was somewhat narrower and windier than my map of the Western Hemisphere would have me believe, I ended up in a small town in northern Kentucky which was both dry and devoid of any kind of motel or lodging of any description. In fact it was devoid of everything; recognisable shops and even people. It was pitch black, there blew a blizzard, freezing rain lashed down and all of the ridiculously windy roads were skating rinks. I was stuck in a bar-less, cafe-less, people-less town (they are called cities in America if the population exceeds 11) with no way out. On the outskirts of this town (100 feet from ‘downtown’), there was a single-storey, relatively modern building with electric lights on. Skidding to a halt next to a row of disabled signs, I asked about what facilities there were available to accidental tourists in this dynamic part of Kentucky.
None.
Suffice to say that after 30 minutes of involuntarily chatting to shuffling, dribbling, withered, incomprehensible, incontinent octogenarians and a small bevy of fat, middle-aged nurses speaking some incoherent hillbilly tongue, it became apparent that this was as good as it was going to get in Upper Boarbuttzit, Kentucky.
I was invited to stay and became for one night, the youngest inmate of what seemed to me to be more of a loony bin than a facility for the aged.
I escaped around 8.30 a.m. after unjamming the frozen car doors.
BroonAsylum
The straps on the beds weren’t for ‘fun’, more’s the pity. Some of the women would be quite fit with 60 years knocked off. Stayed flaccid all night.
BroonAged
So no squealing then, you know, like a pig?
HG
Well, and thank God and the Colonel for a warm night’s rest.
[quote=“BroonAle”]fat, middle-aged nurses speaking some incoherent hillbilly tongue,
BroonAsylum[/quote]
Maybe they used the same words to describe you to their friends [minus the nursing bit of course] 
[quote=“Chewycorns”][quote=“BroonAle”]fat, middle-aged nurses speaking some incoherent hillbilly tongue,
BroonAsylum[/quote]
Maybe they used the same words to describe you to their friends [minus the nursing bit of course] [/quote]
:raspberry:
Quickly find a Maker Mark IV drip and insert, lay back and enjoy.
Yellowstone will also work…but look for the ‘gold’ labeled reserve batch.
I agree with the Maker Mark. You need it to get the Pine Sol out of your nose…
You’re lucky there aren’t any roads marked on maritime maps … 
it’s probably safer when you stay on your ‘bath tub’
That don’t sound so bad at all. An’ anyway, none of us are ever really that far off from entering the loony bin…
[quote=“BroonAle”]Suffice to say that after 30 minutes of involuntarily chatting to shuffling, dribbling, withered, incomprehensible, incontinent octogenarians
BroonAsylum[/quote]
Did you get some? They’re probably more around your age than what you usually get.
Good grief, BroonAle in Kentucky…if that isn’t a set-up for a Far Side cartoon I don’t know what is.
Great story, except for the ending:
This sounds way too easy and devoid of details to be true. It’s what your brain wants you to believe. That you’re out there, posting on forumosa.com instead of still being strapped to a bed in a looney bin, pumped full of chemicals. You’ll have to overcome this comforting illusion because - let’s face it - nobody’s going to come looking for you in a home for the aged in some tiny town in the middle of nowhere.