Bye bye wife (2012-2022), bye bye Taiwan (2015-2022) - it feels awful Oki

Are you sure this hasn’t changed? I know quite a few people who said they would never consider having kids only to have them later on. or at least try to.

Move back, don’t get divorced yet, but get your own place and get a job. After a year, you can either divorce and get an APRC or be back with your wife.

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Good plan. If the wife does not work out, high probability of meeting new prospects.

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French tutor is fine, but your experience (customer support) could be a pretty good online career path too, but maybe not for a sports betting company in Curacao. There are SAAS companies that need this kind of skills if you are good. It is not the best time for tech recruiting right now, and being in Taiwan timezone is a drawback, but worth a shot. And btw this is legal in Taiwan if you have a work permit (through mariage for instance) and report your income.

Not delusional, just focus on something else, and let fate play its part. Focus on rebuilding yourself rather than on your spouse. And since you speak french check Stéphane Edouard videos on youtube, it might help.

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I would not do it. It is a loser path. You are not in your 20s. Get a real skill and work on it. There is a lot of money in Taiwan but play with kids for 20 euros per hour is dead end job.
Do you want that women back? Be better. She will come back to you by herself, but than you will have choices

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You could go to Chinese school full time in the morning and work in the afternoon/evening

Find a cheap apartment in Taipei or Taichung and go for it, it’s never too late.

Try it for 1 year maybe?

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If it allows @junoreactor to work part-time while building himself up the rest of the time, I’d tell him to go for it.

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Dude, your 38, right? It’s not the end of the world. Either way. Wife or no wife. Taiwan or France.

It’s not like you’re 50. Get in shape, get your energy back, and fucking have at it again.

38, I think I just started scuba diving. Fucking awesome. Did it for years and loved it. Met a ton of people and traveled Asia diving. Lifelong experiences.

I’m not saying go dive, but give yourself a reward for getting this far. Have some fun. Get some me time and spend some money on yourself. Feel good, not guilty.

All that other stuff will fall into place. You don’t need to chase it.

Also, she only just told you a few days ago. She wants space , give her space.

You’re 38 Special.

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It’s not a loser path. At the individual level, teaching people a language is very arguably much more positively impactful to the world (in most cases) compared to slaving away in a corporate environment, most likely being a cog in a huge shareholder value machine. In teaching, you can more clearly see the impact you are making as well, and you have more control over your day-to-day. If you go independent with teaching, this is even more true.

There is some money to be made in teaching, but obviously not a lot. Still, at this point in time there is more money in teaching than many, many other jobs in Taipei. It really is mind-blowing how so many skilled labor jobs only net you ~40-50k NTD post-tax. With teaching, shockingly, you can easily get 50k+ while working half the hours…

It seems like the most important thing for you to do is to learn how to be independent again. Maybe you can reset things with your wife, maybe not. It obviously depends on how much both of you want to try to salvage your relationship, and how much both of you are willing to compromise with each other. No one should be setting themselves on fire to keep the other warm in a marriage, at least not for an extended time.

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I don’t think you are delusional.
If saving your marriage is what you want, and you think this could work out, I’d say go for it!

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That would be true if most teachers were actually competent. Unfortunately the general idea (amongst language teachers as much as for teachers in any other field, from elementary to grad school) is that to be a teacher you just need to be able to stand in front of a classroom, read a textbook and grade papers–few are the one who actually care doing a good job.

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Yeah good point, no doubt that is true.

Competently teaching people a language*

would then make the following words accurate.

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Frankly, the issues are relatively minor and very easy to fix if looked at from an outside perspective. Unless I read OP’s post incorrectly, there are only three problems: OP is too dependent on his wife, didn’t integrate, and salary is too low. I notice that poor Chinese was mentioned but I don’t think that’s a barrier at all, just make a habit and study a bit everyday. Lots of of people here don’t speak Chinese and are still independent and have social networks.

The first problem is easy, don’t make your wife take care of everything. Find services in English or use google translate and if that doesn’t work, find someone who can understand (I think there is a phone service that you can call and someone will translate). Just give it a try. It won’t always be successful but that’s a part of learning to do things yourself. You’ll be amazed and probably feel a little embarrassed you didn’t try hard enough before.

For the second problem, find some hobbies with locals and foreigners, and you will quickly make friends and integrate. You don’t have to learn Chinese to be a part of a social group, and you don’t need to be a Taiwanese savant to participate in society. You already have all the skills you need.

For the third problem, you already have the answer. Quit your illegal job and get a job tutoring French. You will immediately make more money and even if you can’t get an APRC, at least you can have a company sponsor your ARC. I suggest you think about what you want to do in the future and spend your free time studying that either online or part-time at school.

All three problems can be fixed in a very short period of time. Good news, if you like Taiwan then come back and do it all for you and if your wife likes the improvements she might take you back. After you have fixed some problems, reach out to her and see if she is open to marriage counselling, and if she isn’t, see if she will let you take her out on a date. Buy her flowers or something romantic or whatever, you know her best. Try to find that supermarket mojo you had ten years ago and try again. Let her see you as partner material again rather than seeing herself as your mother. I don’t see anything in your post that says it is definitively over, so go save your marriage.

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Wow!
Well said, @threesheets!
I vote your post for solution of the topic!

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Brilliant post, thanks dude! a lot of great advice. I agree it doesn’t sound that complicated to fix the situation.

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My plan right now would be to go back in probably September, keep the sports betting job (because it is frankly easy money and convenient, though the working hours in TW time are 5pm-11pm which is not ideal for evening time teaching, but I’ll keep this job at least until I find something solid in teaching).

By the way, the French tutoring course I am following requires a final exam, this exam will be on December 7, good news is you can pass the exam anywhere in the world where Alliance Française has an office, which is the case in Taipei.

I am thinking that I could still find a job before the exam day, I guess some schools don’t mind you are not a certified teacher yet, especially if I explain I am near the end of the course…

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Thanks for this advice as well, I wouldn’t mind working in customer service but it depends a lot on what it is. I know sports betting very well (would consider myself an expert in the field), that’s why I could do the job), but originally I am not a techy and many customer service jobs are in the tech industry I think.

Atta boy. Come back and get yourself sorted out here. I first got to Taiwan around your age, am lazy AF, and my wife still says she likes me being around. Some gals all you need to make them happy is pay the bills and tell them they’re perdy once in a while. You’ll find yours.

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