Can i save my familiy from radical hickism?

it’s getting time for me to go back to louisiana for my two weeks out of every year. i love my family, as you do yours. i don’t look down on anyone. i think to be country is a blessing but hick is a sin.
those of you who are not from louisiana (the other louisiana, not rip- romping world class cool to the bone new orleans) probably don’t know what i’m talking about. it is a pervasive culture of neglect - neglect of family, self, etc.
one of the reasons i left my small town was to be a vanguard or such for my family, to be a leader and provider to make sure they didn’t become what i saw around me: mass obesity, mass ignorance dispite educational TV and the net, but how far have i come?
i grew up in a town that sends you to your first dance at 12 and almost expects you to get a girl pregnant at 16, where the only thing to do on friday night is drink and cruise. if you have a car and a job, you’ve climbed as far as you need to.almost no woman i went to high school with has an even HALFWAY FUCKABLE APPEARANCE. there are only gas stations and fast food and houses and that’s it. that’s it. and all the preacher can tell you is we’re all going to heaven one day no matter how bad we treat each other. that’s it. i’m too sad to keep writing.

no, but almost anyone else left alive probably could.

R.Seguin, L’Escalier

yes i know love is the answer. but there will probably be a big fight at either grandma’s house or my sister’s house. always a big fucking fight. sometimes it’s so loud i just want to get out. if i moved back there…

i have a scary thought: is it my destiny to be a hick, to go back home, live in poverty, die obese and drunk in a trailer? my family aren’t drunks but i might go over the edge without all the lights in tai chung and taipei to keep me feeling good. i don’t know why the gravity of hickville keeps pulling at me. i try to swim up, but i’m barely staying up. just barely. i tell you, i could be pulled down at any fucking minute and back to the States.

So you got out and yet you still look down your nose at them…How worldly of you.
Sounds like a bit of jest,bit of self pity, and bit of self grandiose. I guess you are lucky that you weren’t born in a place where your beard had to be a certain length, pray 5 times a day ,whether you wanted or not cause your ass would be the whippin poster boy for the day, where you could marry up to 4 women and beat them all for showing some wrist skin(ohh the horror :astonished:).
I guess you are lucky that you are born in the "greatest nation " where you were automaticly immunized, recieved a complusory education, and could get free food cause someone would fight for you to have it, and by the very fact of your skin color could mean a higher pay, where you don’t have to live under the scope of DWB…
I guess you are lucky that your religion doesn’t mark you a target for some nut case who believes in a thousands year old text that has been interpeted to death by people who are just as cluesless as the orginal writers…

I think those ‘hicks’ who can cook a mean ass meal, make you feel ‘at home’ when you aren’t even from there or when you decide to return THERE, who are obese but have manners that most people consider out dated and just stupid, yes it is to sad to write about…

nama,
i like all that. they’re friendly. they’re kind. but the way they handle money causes all their problems.

So ran’s wrong to want to see his family and friends live up to their potential rather than just settle for mediocrity? Shit, I grew up in the same sort of situation - granted, the NZ variant, but still - as that, and it really did hurt to see some old classmates who showed great potential end up stuck in dead-end jobs when they could’ve been so much greater than that. Yes, I know that some people choose those manual labor jobs and all the rest because they enjoy them - my brother, for example - and to them, I say good on them for finding something they like. But I know just as many others back home who got stuck where they are now - in their jobs, their family lives, or jail - not by choice but because no-one ever encouraged them to do any better, to try and be the best they could. That’s how I read ran’s post. Granted, it could’ve been put a bit more eloquently, but still.

it’s the obesity in louisiana that’s so depressing. i don’t make fun of people who are fat, but i remember girls in high school that were so pretty and then at 25 were like cows with cellulose hips in tight nylon pants. my sisters all look pretty good thankfully.
i couldn’t save my mom. she married the 3rd time to a real loser and died supporting him. my town is a little stop in the road, and they never see beyond the city limit sign.

No it couldn’t have been put eloquently, its arrogrant … So, someone ended up in the slammer and you ended up in Taiwan making nice ends. Why does that make you or anyone else on a higher level? It reaks of elitism, which I’m sure you would call it if you would meet someone who is a person of high caliber career who would lament having to sit at the same table as you, thinking you couldn’t hold a decent conversation because your name was “____”. Give it a rest rantheman, you complain sooo much about your life on this board like it’s a open journal/blog/therapy session. People make choices based on the information they have at the time. Not everyone is destined to go abroad, make big bucks, or do right. Some people are stuck in their own issues and don’t know how to make a proper choice, some people as you said-are expected to be something, and rather than risk anything that would set them apart they will become that expectation. How do you know what THIER potiental is? Your mother had you not the other way around…
You don’t like how they use THEIR money, well don’t stick YOUR nose into THEIR business. And if you say, 'well they ask me for money,yada yada yada, cause they can’t mange their finances" you could do something
1)Tell them about Fannie Mae Foundation phone number
or
2)Say NO. And stand your ground.
You may love your family and such, but I hear more resentment cause they weren’t what you THINK they should be…

[quote=“rantheman”]it’s the obesity in Louisiana that’s so depressing. I don’t make fun of people who are fat, but I remember girls in high school that were so pretty and then at 25 were like cows with cellulose hips in tight nylon pants. my sisters all look pretty good thankfully.
I couldn’t save my mom. she married the 3rd time to a real loser and died supporting him. my town is a little stop in the road, and they never see beyond the city limit sign.[/quote]

Please excuse the double post…

Half of America is OBESE!!! As well as obessed with being young, white, life full of bling bling, powerful, on another reality show, on diets, with plastic surgery,fame, etc… Mindsets aren’t limited to “Smallville , USA” but are every where… What’s making it so depressing for you ran, is that you keep looking down at them as if you are special…NOT

Alright, so I just wrote a nice long reply, but you would still refuse to get it anyway. Screw it. Call me arrogant and elitist for wanting people to be able to make fully educated choices about their lives if you want, I no longer give a shit.

So what’s there to get? What defines a ‘well educated choice’? Hell, educated people scare me, IMO they happen to be some of the most ingorant people I’ve ever met. They have all that ‘education’ upstairs, swiming around muddling up their interactions with other people. Kinda of the subject but relevent- I recently had a conversation with a nice looking WELL EDUCATED black male. I asked him, only so I could have another point of view , why he prefers dating Asian women, or other women than black. He pointed out something that was true but sooo ludacrous(sp)-because he has travelled, they would be able to UNDERSTAND him more. :astonished: :noway: I think to myself after that I must be mirage…
Point is education doesn’t influnce choices any more than not being educated. What you want or think you can have for yourself is a major factor…

Ran-
Go home. Eat some boudin. Take a lot of “Oriental exotic knick-knacks” back as gifts. Attached a neat story to each one. Go to the family dinners. REFUSE to get involved in the arguments. Talk to people like you actually do care about them.
Take the time to talk and inter-act with the young ones. Tell them about where you live and what your life is like. It is something they will remember. And it might plant a seed.
Spend time outdoors. Go hunting with someone. If you don’t hunt, so what, just walk the fields with them.
DON’T allow yourself to be judgemental.
If your wife is going with you, understand how incredibly lucky you are to share this with her. To you it may suck hind tit, but to her its a window into an entirely new world.
Don’t have a monkey mind. Be glad for what you’ve done with what you had to start from.

Oh yeah…one more thing…be glad you have family to go visit.

I don’t mean “educated” in the sense of schooling and all that, I mean “educated” in the sense of having a full awareness of all of the possibilities available to them. I went to school with kids who quite clearly had the potential and ability to go on and do amazing things for the people at least of the region, if not the country or even the world, but because all that was ever expected of them, all they ever were presented with as role models and acheivable goals, fell so short of what they could have done, they were never given the chance to see what they could really do. A lot of it comes down to parents and teachers; I was fortunate enough to have parents that encouraged me to push myself and to try and rise above whatever limitations - perceived or real - were in front of me, and teachers who were willing to try and help me however they could in doing that. Some of my friends were less fortunate; I remember hearing some of the parents outright saying their kid was just a useless little shit who wouldn’t amount to anything. And guess what - many of those kids ended up stuck in a position they could’ve done much better than. I saw some of the teachers in my schools just completely dismiss kids - for whatever reason - as either beyond help or not worth the effort. Peer groups, the community at large, all sorts of factors can affect this too. But I’ve also got friends and relatives back home who are in just the same sorts of jobs, the same sorts of lives, who are there because they decided that it was what they wanted to do. It’s not the destinations that I’m talking about, it’s the paths. The difference between, saying, shovelling shit in a pig farm because you want to, and because you were never given the idea that you could be anything else.

EDIT: Just saw this part:

That’s my point too, and what I thought ran was getting at, albeit in his own… unique… way; that people, not matter what their circumstances, should be given big, bold ideas about what they could have for themselves, and that often being in a situation like ran described leads to people being given the idea that all they can have for themselves is what they see around them and that nothing bigger or better is possible or desirable.

[quote]Take the time to talk and inter-act with the young ones. Tell them about where you live and what your life is like. It is something they will remember. And it might plant a seed.[quote]

I like this idea. However, don’t just tell the young ones, tell the older ones, too. They may look at your life and say, “If Ran can do it, maybe I can, too.”. Maybe the best thing you can give someone is hope.

Nicely said Tetsuo. However our buddy ran does seem to giving himself an awful lot of grief over the isssue. Neurosis is a curious blend of two lacks. Namely, a lack of compassion and a lack of personal boundries.

[quote=“bob”]Nicely said Tetsuo. However our buddy ran does seem to giving himself an awful lot of grief over the isssue. Neurosis is a curious blend of two lacks. Namely, a lack of compassion and a lack of personal boundries.[/quote] Couldn’t have said it better, but being that I am American :unamused:

Tetsuo, there are plenty of people who have never had a single influence in there lives to enable them to navigate the world, and there are plenty of fools who have so many resources that they don’t know what to do(hmm, Bush comes to mind but anyway)…Point is, which we are saying similarly but think you want me to cut ran some self pity slack…Aint gonna happen considering the manner in which he chooses to present himself as well as his situations. He’ll go home, show his wife what ‘hicks’ his family is, and she’ll believe him therefore looking down on them as well (and telling her family also), he’ll wonder why his family is distant and arguementive,aside from the long standing grudges they hold(but aint that a southern thing anyway? :wink: ), and his family will think to themselves after the ‘newness’ has returned “well who the fuck invited or made you so sididdy?” He’ll leave with more shit to grumble about perhaps never realizing that they too have day in and day out shit that concerns/boggles/wieghts them down, and they have had dreams deffered and had to make do until they can do better…Basicly he’ll miss out on their humanity ergo reconizing his authentic love for them as WHO they are as pose to WHAT they are…

Edited, as I don’t have a lot of any value to add.

I’ll just say that Ran obviously cares about his family, enough to keep on going to see them anyway, and it hurts him to see them make life choices that aren’t helping them. Caring and wanting to help people are essential requirements for anyone involved in education.

We help people get out of childhood, where other people make their decisions for them, and into adulthood so that they can make their own choices and have better lives than they would if we didn’t expand their horizons.

I don’t identify with children, so there are some people I’m not good at spending time with. Ran’s problem seems perfectly reasonable to me.

[quote=“Loretta”]

But they haven’t, and he still chooses to go and spend time with them. It pains him, and he’s seeking advice and support. Why not respect him for that?[/quote]
I read the same thing in Ran’s post. I agree with TainanCowboy and his tips. My advice to you Ran is keep posting and pay more attention to the posts the like of Loretta and TC.
I wish I could fly my entire family and all my friends out here instead of me going back. That would be sometin…might as well share what you have with them.

Actually I just think you’re being overly harsh and judgmental actually. Some people are just crap at expressing themselves online, and while most of the time I think ran is an idiot, I’m pretty convinced that he’s got the best intentions and while he might end up screwing it up like you describe, I don’t think it’ll be out of malice, more just out of ineptitude.