Please help me to understand the following situation. I have a gas stove and, being a bit neurotic, like to leave the window open in the kitchen in case there is ever a leak. My wife thinks that it is a waste of air conditioning but I argued that that the kitchen is so far from the air conditioner that this is probably not a problem. She says she agrees with this and further agrees to leave the window open. The problem is that she does not in fact do this. In actual practice I open it and she closes it . “But you agreed to leave it open.” I say. “Yes, I am sorry” she says “I will leave it open from now on.” She does not do this. In fact it has gotten so bad that she frequently closes the window and turns off the air conditioner! From my point of view it is difficult to see how anyone could behave worse. Not only can she give no reason for doing something that bugs me but she also lies about it. She is geanearlly a real sweetheart but this thing is beginning to make me think she must be crazy or something. I think it may be passive agression. [/img]
Get off the internet and spend some quality time with your woman.
Take her out to dinner. Tell her you love her. Buy her something nice, like a rose or teddy bear. Tell her how important she is to you.
Is your wife Taiwanese? Sounds cultural to me. Rather than say ‘no’ outright and argue with you, she’s saying yes and hence maintaining the peace but then proceeding to do what she thinks is best. She has given you a reason in her eyes - you just don’t agree with it, and again, she doesn’t want to argue with you.
You’ll have to sort it out, but I don’t know exactly how you’d manage that when she will keep agreeing with you (don’t you hate that?) 
Edited because I didn’t realise it wasn’t specifically a concern during cooking - it seems like something you’d like to do at all times (?)
[quote=“TaiwanPsycho”]Get off the internet and spend some quality time with your woman.
Take her out to dinner. Tell her you love her. Buy her something nice, like a rose or teddy bear. Tell her how important she is to you.
[/quote]
How do you know that bob doesn’t already do this? If he doesn’t, maybe she is doing this to get his attention. If he does, maybe his wife needs to learn about the concept of “compromise.” bob’s request about the window seems fair and sensible to me.
I agree. Keep the window closed. if youre worried about the gas leak, close the valve line.
your wife/gf is being sensible. She says yes to placate you, but she runs the show the way she wants! 
I’ve probably had around 30 girlfriends over the years and one wife. Never met one yet that I could understand. Women are simply weird.
But then, so are men. For example, a pet peeve of my wife is that I should wear one set of tuoshie (sp?) in the house and a whole nother pair in the yard. WTF? However, I ALWAYS agree with this and ALWAYS forget. I suppose I must get my ear chewed about it at least 15 times per week.
But when it comes down to it, I’d say your problem and mine fall into the “small stuff” category, which requires no sweat.
he, this sounds like something my wife would do and i would argue with hre about.
I recommend you to buy a gas leakage alarm. I don’t know if you can find them here but back home they were used in smal boats with gas onboard. Sleeping in a boat with gasleakage is the end!
Then you have peace of mind and your wife can close the window. But be sure she will leave it open if you have the alarm. Women just act like that where ever they come from.
Individual and Unrelated Suggestions:
(1) When your wife/girlfriend is watching the TV, ask her if she wants to change the channel. When she says “No,” then change the channel. When she asks you why you did this, explain that it is a MANNERISM that you picked up from her: saying one thing, and doing something else.
- OR -
(2) Maybe your wife/girlfriend is paranoid about mosquitoes. Is there a screen on the window? Maybe she is afraid that insects will come in. Solution: install a screen.
-OR -
(3) Borrow an electric drill with a steel bit. Get some steel screws. It should be easy enough to fix the window so IT WON’T CLOSE.
[quote=“Acid”]I recommend you to buy a gas leakage alarm. I don’t know if you can find them here but back home they were used in smal boats with gas onboard. Sleeping in a boat with gasleakage is the end!
Then you have peace of mind and your wife can close the window. But be sure she will leave it open if you have the alarm. Women just act like that where ever they come from.[/quote]
Good idea. They do have them here. Just be careful when you spray aerosols like bug killer or air fresheners, as they can set off the alarms.
Bob, don’t worry so much. It’s normal male/female behavior. Hormones, DNA, chemistry, leftside rightside of brain, go with the flow. The thing won’t blow up anyway, most likely. Leave it be. Let it be.
And Taiwanpsycho above had some very good advice…
Another thing. Do you have canister gas or piped-in? We always close the valve on our canisters when we’re not cooking – I’ve seen the results of an exploding gas canister in an apartment. If it’s piped gas, you should have a shut-off lever, probably outside on your back balcony somewhere.
If the open/closed window is your biggest point of conflict, I’d say you’re doing pretty ok! I always take solace in the fact that the biggest things my wife and I argue about are usually pretty inane and trivial on the scope of things:
Her: “Did you wash your hands?”
Me: “Yes, I washed my hands.”
Her: “No, you didn’t. You have to wash your hands before you cook.”
Me: “I haven’t started to cook; I’m peeling a cucumber under running water. Doesn’t that count as washing my hands?”
Her: “Hmm…”
Me: “Let’s order pizza!”
Yadda, Yadda…
Follow Acid’s advice: go to B&Q and get a gas alarm. Personally, I worry more about a leak outside on the balcony where the gas comes into the house; afraid I’m going to go out there for a cigarette one day and blow myself sky high! :beatnik:
Have fun and be 
CK
In a word - NO!!! 
[quote]Me: “I haven’t started to cook; I’m peeling a cucumber under running water. Doesn’t that count as washing my hands?”
[/quote]
Listen, no-one really cares what you do in the shower. Its your business. “Peeling a cucumber,” though, must stand as the best euphemism of the week.
Sandman, true to form, leave it to you to find a euphemism there. 
Daasgrrl, I’ll be sure to let Mrs. K that she has your vote! 
Cheers,
CK
One problem I often have with the local folks, and it may be part of the gas/air con problem, is that they often have trouble with basic science/mechanical things and instead of reasoning about such things they simply (sometimes almost subconsciously) revert to some “rule” their mom taught them (e.g. when the air con is on you MUST close all windows or mommy will screech at you).
Let me be quick to add two things. When I say the locals have “trouble with basic science…” I am not saying they are stupid. They simply have no experience with such things and Taiwan’s training system (I decline to call what happens in Taiwanese schools “education”, it is training not education) places absolutely zero value on developing reasoning skills.
And secondly, I have seen many white Californians who can’t figure out round pegs and square holes type problems. So it has nothing to do with genes.
take care,
Dr. Brian
Twice Married, Never Shy
I am a recent convert from tealit where it takes about a year to get a reply from anybody about anything. Being a two finger typer I won’t be able to respond to all of you but let me say at least that it is reassurring to realize that I am not unique in this. Somebody suggested that she was just trying to avoid an arguement. Well that is what she says too. What I can’t get her to understand is that if she just said “No I won’t leave it open” I would like/respect her a lot more. I mean it’s like I can’t trust anything she says. If she acts like this with small things maybe she will with big things too.
Oh, the missus and I have a few of those, let’s start:
-
The sofas and pillows. I have over nearly a decade tried to explain my wife that filling the sofa with pillows means that only people below 155 cm can sit comfortably in them. The only person in my household above this height is… Me! How did we solve the problem? First, I told her that 2 extra decorative pillows would be enough - when she did not get that, I took a bag, put the extra pillows in it and carried the bag up to 3rd floor, where it has been since.
-
Buying big-ticket items for the house without even asking the partner. I still recall once when we were even poorer than now and relatively recently married - the money earmarked for curtains in the flat ended up financing a huge orchid. (Me: what’s that orchid doing in our living room? Missus: I bought it, got in very cheap. Me(looking slightly flustered): How much is cheap. Missus: 8000NT. Me (guess how I look): WHAT! (…) Ending with… Me: Well, we can always wait with them curtains, if you promise that big buys with money drawn from the common account is discussed before they take place. Missus: I promise. That was 7 years ago. Do I need to say that nothing has changed?
-
Having friends over. I need to arrange that in advance, and even though we have argued over whether it’s her business that a friend pops in or not with the result that we agreed that it isn’t, the issue still pops up - often. Yet again she will believe in it, and only accept from a tactical viewpoint.
However, issues, we have succesfully solved include:
-
Shower in the evening versus shower in the morning. My strange barbarian custom with showering in the morning has now been accepted. I will now not be told to shower before going to bed.
-
Potted plants in the garden. I can’t stand it, after there are more soil than you can shake a stick at. Why potted plants? At least she now places them outside the garden fence.
So lots of fun…
bob,
Depends on her mindset. If she really traditional she will believe in the concept “Man makes the big decisions, women make the little decisions. Big decisions are made up of lots of little decisions.”
I have plastic utensils and disposable chopsticks in the dish washing machine. I see no point ending up in the dog house over stuff like that.