Chinese girlfriend

After stumbling about for some years I got a Chinese girlfriend who spoke not a word of English - After 8 months I can communicate with the Chinese world.

I should have tried that. I got a Taiwanese girlfriend and my Chinese is lousy.

How is her English now? Did she learn to communicate with the English speaking world too? Or is Chinese the only language you speak to her ?

I’ve found that the language you begin a relationship with somebody is the language most comfortable for both people to use throughout the relationship.

BTW, a lot of people (myself included) have found that their significant other can understand their Chinese really well but to the rest of the world it is pretty unintelligible. :slight_smile:

I’m interested, because one of the friendlier, more down-to-earth and humorous girls I know knows very little English. I have a couple of questions for you, if you wouldn’t mind answering-

Could you speak much Mandarin before you met her? What kind of level are you now? Were the intervening 8 months very frustrating at times?

Has she picked up any English from you?
Overall, do you feel comfortable and confident in having a chat with her about a variety of subjects? Does she feel OK around your foreigner friends? Do you feel OK around her Taiwanese/Chinese friends and relatives?

In general, I think what I’m asking is; how important do you think a shared language or languages are to a relationship, and can difficulties be easily overcome?

Appreciate any thoughts you or others have about this.

As the veteran of a (failed) dual-language marriage, I think language is very important.

You might speak Chinese to her all the time, for instance, but if you have to deal with foreigners/your family, will she be able to cope with the English demands? My ex-husband couldn’t, and (probably partly because of his personality) he came to believe that everyone “didn’t like him” or “was out to get him”. This basically poisoned his life in the US. His English was considered to be very good when he was living in Taiwan, BTW.

Poor skills in a language also covers up a general lack of compatibility/intellectual ability. If communication is labored, you can keep things going longer than you would if it were immediately obvious that the other person just didn’t have what it takes to interest you intellectually (i.e., if you were both native speakers of the same language.) So there’s some danger there.

The other danger is that the speaker of the majority language wherever the couple is living has to handle things, and the other partner can become dependent. THis can be irritating to both parties for different reasons.

Just my NT$0.66, your mileage may vary.

And all this time I thought you were a woman…are you?..lets talk.

ha, ha. just funning.

Chou

From the top

Larsen I guess you are Scandinavian - your language is also very difficult if your first language is English. I have stayed with friends in Denmark. I learned enough to talk to their kids a little. They could not understand why I could not speak Danish:)

Teach her English is next project - she is pushing a little - We have no contact with English speaking people. I guess she would feel prety uncomfortable if no-one spoke chinese - but that is pretty rare here

It is true that she understands my Chinese much better than other Chinese. There are a number of reasons for this including “lock up” that someone else wrote about. I have “unlocked” a few - like in shops I visit regularly

joesax

At the begining I could ask and answer simple questions. Now we can chat with each other about most things - she is very patient and we find ways around words I do not know. Frustration we laugh about.

She has given me the confidence to talk to almost anyone and expect them to understand me. When we are out together I do most of the talking to other people unless there is a problem.

Ironlady - all correct !!!

Congratulations! You have found your way to cross the biggest hurdle there is in learning Chinese: the confidence to talk to anyone. You are well on your way now.

I still let her order in the restaurant - but we discuss it - or better said I ask her to order in the restaurant

I had the same experience with my wife. We met, my Chinese was lousy, now it’s good. We got very comfortable speaking Chinese and it has continued that way all through our 3 year marriage. Her English hasn’t improved much because we always speak Chinese. Now it is so hard to break that habit.

My marriage is the other way round. My Chinese is still lousy.

I feel very guilty that I am scared to teach her English. My Chinese learning might stop.

My graduate advisor said the best classroom is the bedroom. :laughing:

The wife chose English - the girlfriend had no option - Chinese

So, how did you get around the Catch-22:

a) in order to learn Chinese well, you must pick up a Chinese girlfriend
b) in order to pick up a Chinese girlfriend, you must speak some Chinese

[quote=“mod lang”]So, how did you get around the Catch-22:

a) in order to learn Chinese well, you must pick up a Chinese girlfriend
b) in order to pick up a Chinese girlfriend, you must speak some Chinese[/quote]

Making a lot of friends who are willing to help you with your interest in learning Mandarin is a good way to go about this. My experience tells me that if your motivation is sincere friendship, people will be very helpful to you as you struggle towards that breakthrough.

T.

I already had basic Chinese - but no confidence. She seemed very willing to help. Now I find it is more common to call her on the phone rather than SMS.

[quote=“mod lang”]So, how did you get around the Catch-22:

a) in order to learn Chinese well, you must pick up a Chinese girlfriend
b) in order to pick up a Chinese girlfriend, you must speak some Chinese[/quote]

Money talks, bullshit walks.

[quote=“Tomas”]
Having a lot of friends will also help you to meet a lot of potential girlfriends. [/quote]
You mean having a lot of friends will increase your chances of meeting a potential girlfriend, no? A Freudian slip? :wink:

[quote=“Incubus”][quote=“Tomas”]
Having a lot of friends will also help you to meet a lot of potential girlfriends. [/quote]
You mean having a lot of friends will increase your chances of meeting a potential girlfriend, no? A Freudian slip? :wink:[/quote]

No, deliberate. I advocate striving for a diversity of choices in most aspects of life. If you don’t have a girlfriend and want one, meet as many good women as you can, as naturally as possible, and see what happens. Why zero in on one, unless you feel like you’ve found the one you really click with?