My favorite classic saying,
You can wish in one hand and crap in the other, see which one gets filled first.
Shut your mouth when you’re talking to me!
I always know where I am going because everyone tells me: Go to hell.
Everything has an end and a pudden has twa.
As scabbit sheep will smit the hale hirsel.
Say no to drugs.
Feeling good is good enough
Good from far but far from good 
Keep yer am fish-guts for yer air sea-maws.
Man who run behind car becomes exhausted
Fish need bicycles to play pool.
Take notes…you ain’t gonna remember all this.
Ne’er cast a cloot til May is oot. And I didn’t need to google that one, MT. 
:loco:
A mind is a terrible thing to lose. or …
A mind is a terrible thing to loose
A mind is a terrible thing too loose.
“The great thing about keeping all your stuff in a shopping cart is you always know where all your stuff is at.”
(to describe wasted effort)
That’s like taking your pants off in order to fart.
As welcome as a fart in a space suit.
Couldn’t empty a boot full of water with instructions on the heel
[quote=“mrjared”](to describe wasted effort)
That’s like taking your pants off in order to fart.[/quote]
Some of are wise to do exactly that.
What’s wrong with that? As long as it’s your own, of course. As the wise fee’d loon apocryphally said:
“I LIKE the smell `o ma ain farts – they’re fine and yammy.”